


Lost In Progression

by alcrevier, Delacruz01



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 08:04:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 48,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7259275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alcrevier/pseuds/alcrevier, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delacruz01/pseuds/Delacruz01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "A Very Heated Winter". Going through the many effects and events resulting from Emily and Alison's decision to rekindle an old flame-a flame that never died out to begin with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like :)

_Loving others always costs us something and requires effort. And you have to decide to do it on purpose. You can wait for a feeling to motivate you._

_\- Joyce Meyer_

_Topophobia- Fear of certain places, fear of certain situations._

* * *

_I could get used to this_ , Emily thought as she glanced around her bedroom, sighing contently as she felt the body next to her snuggle a little further into her side.

She watched the rise and fall of the blonde's chest as she laid in her arms, sleeping peacefully and making the brunette smile. Every breath she took, an aroma of vanilla flooded her nostrils, causing her to get lost even further into the other woman. She studied how Alison slept: one leg over her's, an arm tossed over her torso and blonde hair sprawled over her face, casting somewhat of a shadow on her facial features.

They both loved this type of soft intimacy and wished that they could stay wrapped up together forever, but duty calls along with other _unwanted_ things. All so quickly, Alison's cell phone began to ring, followed by an irritated groan by said blonde. _Who called at this time of day? Wait, what time is it exactly?_ Emily reached over and picked up Alison's phone to see him calling. It seemed like he wasn't about to let up, so she clicked ignore which left a sleepy Alison hugging her tightly as she didn't want anything to disturb the two of them.

"You know... it's half past ten. Do you want some breakfast?" Emily twirled a strand of Alison's hair around her finger as she asked. Slowly, Alison lifted her head up to look Emily in the eyes, taking her breath away in the midst of it. Nothing seemed more beautiful to Emily than watching Alison wake up – especially when it was in her arms; seeing her natural beauty was always Emily's favorite thing.

"No offense, Em, but I'd rather go out for breakfast than eat your cooking." Alison stated bluntly.

Mouth agape, Emily attempted to seem hurt by her statement. "My cooking isn't that bad." She countered.

"Don't make me remind you of your famous cinnamon rolls… or were they _supposed_ to be hockey pucks?" Alison wrinkled her nose at the mere thought of it.

Emily chuckled lightly recalling the time she attempted to make her mother's delicious cinnamon rolls but failed to add the yeast into the mix and then _slightly_ overcooked them – okay, maybe not slightly.

"That was one time." Emily whined. All jokes aside, she seriously needed to watch the cooking channel more often.

"Let me think." Alison tapped her chin, causing Emily to roll her eyes at the list of kitchen disasters that is about bound to be brought up.

"Ah, well, there was the fabulous eggshell omelet and the medium-rare steak I asked for, but I really think you forgot to cook it at all. Oh! And we can't forget the time I was sick and you attempted to make me homemade soup, only to end up giving me canned soup instead." Alison finished with raised eyebrows, daring Emily to argue.

"Okay, so maybe I haven't exactly had my _finest_ moments in the kitchen." Emily shrugged her shoulders, whilst pushing Alison onto her back and climbed atop of her, kissing her on the jaw and slowly trailing down her neck, feeling Alison shudder slightly underneath her touch.

"When have you ever?" Alison challenged. They were interrupted by the sound of Alison's phone on the bedside table ringing once again before picking it up to look at the screen.

"Who is it?" Emily whispered, trying to peak at her phone.

"Elliot. He's probably wondering where I am." Alison sighed, debating on whether to answer the call or not. She seemed to be debating it a lot now-a-days.

" _Elliot_? I thought his name was Rollins..." Emily said to herself more than Alison.

"Rollins is his last name," she replied. "I'm sorry but I have to take this or he'll call back ten more times." Alison explained quickly before answering the phone, however she was too late and he had already hung up.

" _Ooh_ , bummer." Emily exaggeratedly mocked while blinking at the other girl.

"He's probably wondering why I'm still grading papers at ten fifty in the morning." Alison muttered as she flipped through her emails.

"Keep him wondering." Emily lowered her head again before starting to nibble at Alison's neck.

"You know I'd love to stay and continue this, but we need to get dressed and find somewhere to eat." The blonde placed her phone back down and looked up at Emily who now sat up straight against her hips.

"How about I take you back to Rosewood and we can stop by The Brew for some coffee and donuts?" Emily suggested as she climbed off of Alison before walking over to her closet to look for something simple that she could throw on. Examining her wardrobe, all her closet really consisted of was pieces of athletic wear due to her athletic career and a few pieces of dressy attire that she rarely ever wore.

"I like that idea. Just let me find my clothes." Alison smiled and began her search for the strung out clothing scattered along different parts of the room.

Smirking lightly, the brunette offered her a pair of black sweatpants and a thin, red, long sleeve shirt. "Here, just wear this. It'll save us an hour."

"I can just wear mine from yesterday." Alison replied while still looking around the room for her clothes, being oblivious to the clothing that Emily held out for her.

"Look, you probably don't even know where they are, and from what I remember, they didn't look that comfortable." Emily tilted her head, continuing to hold the clothes out for the blonde.

"Are you making fun of my sense of style?" Alison playfully yet dangerously narrowed her eyes at Emily.

"I'm just saying… I think you would be much more comfortable in something less…" she struggled to find an accurate word, "...extravagant." She finished with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Hey, I wish I could dress in what you wear to your job on a daily basis. Sweats and Nikes beat dresses and heels any day." Alison closed the distance between them and kissed Emily softly on the cheek.

"Thank you for the clothes, babe." She whispered before pulling away with the clothes in hand.

"Mmmhm," Emily droned. "And it's a win-win for both of us. You get to be extremely comfy and I get to see you wearing my clothes." She smirked but soon became flustered as she watched Alison stride alongside the bed, bare body glistening in the sunlight coming from the window. Emily's eyes drifted up and down the other girl's body as she slowly got dressed.

"Maybe instead of watching me, you could get dressed as well." Alison smugly suggested as she tied the sweats a little tighter around her waist. Emily, realizing she had been caught, averted her eyes and went back to searching for something to wear.

"So, why did you come back with me instead of going home?" Emily whirled around when she was fully dressed in almost the same outfit that Alison was, just with a different colored top.

"I told you... I missed you." Alison gave her girlfriend a half smile.

"I could have made a reservation in Philly instead of us hanging around here all night." Emily sat down beside Alison on the king size bed.

"Em, as much as I would've enjoyed a night away with you, I don't think we would have been able to do much of what happened last night without getting kicked out." Alison wrinkled her nose and kissed Emily on the lips abruptly.

"You know that's not what I meant." She grumbled back. Alison laughed and remained quiet so she could continue.

Emily sighed. "I don't want to just lounge around all the time." She paused before quickly adding, "Not saying I mind that at all... because I really don't."

"It's just... I want to be able to do more than just _this_." She motioned to the bed.

"Sex? Hm, I thought you liked that." Alison nudged Emily in the side.

"No, not that. I mean I want to be able to take you out and treat you to nicer things than simply hanging around in my boring apartment or sneaking around Rosewood." Emily sighed again. It was nice being anywhere with Alison – as long as she was with her, nothing else mattered – but still, it bothered her that they couldn't be a normal couple and actually do cute things together. Even their friends didn't know about their relationship. On the other hand, Emily lived for the nights when they snuck around and tiptoed behind everyone's back; it made her feel like she was sixteen again and the thrill of it all made her just as excited for the end of the night when she was able to caress the blonde while holding her after they finished their _activities_.

"Emily, it doesn't matter where we are – we could be in some sleazy motel and I still wouldn't care because it would mean that I'm with you." Alison empathized.

"I just want to show you how much I miss you sometimes... and sleeping together just doesn't justify it as well as I want it to." Emily quietly admitted. Being one of Alison's favorite things to do, Emily wanted to please the blonde in more ways than one; even a simple night out around the town would suffice.

"I get it, Em. Believe me when I say that I want the same as you do." Alison intertwined their fingers, bringing their clasped hands to her lips and placing a kiss on the back of Emily's. Meanwhile, Emily wanted to say " _if you could just leave him then things would be so different_ ," but she couldn't find her voice. Not to mention that Alison and Rollins-or _Elliot's_ relationship was none of her business... or was it?

"Come on, we need to leave before it's time for you to go to work." Alison stood up, pulling Emily along with her and heading towards the front door.

**XXX**

Eventually, they made it into Rosewood and arrived at The Brew. Although she still felt a bit down due to the conversation held before leaving her apartment, Emily felt happy for the most part. As they walked through the door to their favorite small coffee shop, the bell chimed and Alison turned to Emily.

"I'll order for us. Go grab us a table by the window, please." Alison requested before Emily turned and walked towards the end of the shop. It was the first time in a while that they were together in public. Locating a small table, Emily begins to remember the last time they were out, almost being caught by Hanna when Emily was absentmindedly playing footsies with the wrong blonde.

_It was nearing nighttime when Hanna had called her in the middle of her and Alison's semi-usual Friday night routine: Netflix and whatever takeout they felt like that week. But, as it always turns out, they were in the middle of a heated make out session when Emily's phone began to buzz on the nightstand. Groaning and fumbling to reach for her phone on the table, she glanced at the caller ID and saw Hanna's name pop up on the screen. Of course she would be calling._

_Debating on whether or not she should accept the call, she hung up and thought she was free... that is until the phone started to ring again which made her break away from a pouting Alison._

_"Han, I'm kind of busy right now. Can we talk later?" Emily sounded annoyed as she answered, which she realized only after the words left her mouth._

_"If by later you mean when you meet me at the Grille in about twenty minutes because Caleb went to New York on a geeky business trip then, yes, later is good." Hanna twirled around her living room, grabbing her glass off of the coffee table and carrying a bag of chips up to her bedroom. Emily's reply was a barely-audible groan, but Hanna still heard._

_"Please... I'll buy you that weird salad you always get." Hanna attempted to bribe her best friend. Knowing full well that Hanna would never let up until she agreed, she had to say yes. She could tell Hanna was in need of some company at the moment and she couldn't exactly say no; she'd feel bad for the rest of the night and wouldn't have a good time either way._

_"Fine, I'll be there in ten." Emily let out a defeated breath before standing up and grabbing the pants that were on the floor. Sliding them onto her tanned legs, she waited for Hanna's reply._

_"Hey, call Ali and ask if she wants to come too. It'll be like a girls' night out or whatever." Hanna added quickly before hanging up._

_Soon after, Alison spoke up. "Where are you going, babe?" She questioned Emily's sudden change in actions._

_"We're going to meet Hanna at the Grille." Emily tried to smile at the blonde, but it just wasn't working._

_"Well, that's sucks because I was thinking of pulling you back into bed and having you all to myself." Alison winked as she got out of bed as well._

_As they both got ready, Emily's phone was blowing up with texts from no other than Hanna: Are you ready? Is Ali coming? How long does it take you to get dressed? If you're not here in five minutes then I'm coming over. Dammit, Emily Fields, where are you?_

" _And… I'm turning my phone off." Alison chuckled at Emily's remark. She enjoyed watching Emily and Hanna playfully bicker back and forth; sometimes it was like watching a soap opera or an old, married couple._

_"I guess we should go before she sends out an APB." Emily laughed as she grabbed her purse and car keys, beckoning for Alison to follow._

**_XXX_ **

_From the time they sat down and ordered their food to when they finally finished, the trio talked about a number of random things. One of the random topics – an embarrassing story that Hanna decided to share with Alison – made Emily want to strangle her outspoken blonde friend right then and there; she began to explain that, one night, when Emily was sleeping next to her, she started mumbling Alison's name – faster and faster, at that. The story resulted in a kick to the shin, which Hanna wouldn't let go of by the end of the night. Once they ordered a few glasses of wine, the effects began to quickly hit Emily as she didn't drink as much as she used to. She continued to carefully consume the rest of her wine at a slow rate, for she didn't want to drive under the influence._

_At some point during a different conversation – probably another embarrassing story about something she'd done in the past – Emily decided to occupy herself and, hopefully, fluster Alison. She couldn't tell if it was the buzz from the drinks or if she just didn't care at the time but she moved her foot towards the blonde's underneath the table and began a gentle game of footsies. Emily was making bold moves against her blonde, rubbing her foot up and down her's as she gave her a subtle look. On the other side of the table, Alison was confused as to why Emily was looking at her ever so often, giving little smirks here and there. The blonde looked between her girlfriend and Hanna, noticing a slight blush crossing the other blonde's cheeks._

_"Careful, Em, too much of that and I think I might take you home tonight." Hanna raised her eyebrows and smirked at the now stunned brunette._

_"I – I, um..." Emily stuttered, realization hitting her like a truck and she suddenly wished she was any place but there. Meanwhile, Alison looked confusingly at the two with a slight glare as they all carried on with their girls' night._

"Hey, sorry it took so long," Alison's voice snapped Emily out of her memories. "They were out of your favorite so I just ordered us both the same thing." She sat down across from Emily with a shrug.

"And..." She dragged the word out while placing the food in front of the brunette's face, "...instead of donuts, I thought you might like an apple fritter." Alison smiled widely. It was a genuine smile, Emily thought to herself; something she rarely saw for years before this whole thing began. "I know how much you love apple desserts so I figured you'd like it for a change."

"Thanks, it smells great." Emily smiled, resisting the urge to reach over and kiss her girlfriend on the cheek or hold her hand across the table. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while until Alison finally spoke again.

"How's work?" She inquired through a bite of the pastry.

Emily's eyes lit up at the question, "I completely forgot to tell you this... but I may be in town more often than I already am." She softly smiled when Alison gave her an impressed look. "I've gotten two calls from people around here wanting me to help them train in boxing and swimming." Emily loved her job, that's for sure. Many people complain about their professions, but there's just something about helping people get fit that made Emily happy to get out of bed every morning – okay, maybe she wouldn't go that far.

_During her college years, she had ended up switching majors after her father passed away. His death had taken an exhausting toll on her, causing her to lose interest in most things, including her much desired swimming career, and leading her to be a personal trainer to help others instead of solely herself. Her mom tried to bring up the conversation regarding her dream to become a big swimmer but time after time, Emily would only explain that she's too drained or she's lost interest. Eventually, her mom finally had given up trying to explain that swimming could possibly help her heartache and accepted the fact that stress can change people's life wishes. And it worked out great in the end – becoming a personal trainer – because Emily feels happier than she had in a while. When she isn't training someone, she'll find herself at the gym, regardless, sweating out whatever had been weighing heavy on her that day. Most of the times, she would push herself to her limits, imagining how proud her dad would be if he was here. For him, she'd think as she learned self-defense amongst other things. Before re-evaluating her choices and getting a start on her career, many times she would try to escape the world with alcohol. It was never terrible, no, but she was fully aware that it would become worse if she didn't escape its hold quickly. When she bought a bottle of whiskey on a sunny Tuesday morning, throwing the cap away and never thinking twice, that's when Emily finally came to her senses and decided to help herself before she needed someone else's. A loved one's death is not something an individual – or even a family – gets over in one night, she told herself as she paced her apartment, throwing away her stashed bottles. She figured that schoolwork would work as her safest outlet although the most difficult task, but she carried on one day at a time. The only two people who knew of this rough patch were Hanna and Alison, and she didn't dare bring it up with her mother or anyone else._

"That's great, Em! When do you start?" Alison happily questioned as she continued nibbling on her food.

"I haven't set up an appointment with either one yet, but I'm hoping to soon."

Alison picked up her drink and smiled. "Does that mean we can see each other more often?" She inquired over the rim of her coffee cup.

"Well, I'll see if I can pencil you into my schedule..." Emily smirked as she watched Alison's smile quickly turn into an unamused expression. The brunette chuckled slightly before replying more seriously. "I think so." She finished with a smile.

The bell above the door chimed, catching Emily's attention as a tall man walked in. He looks familiar, she thought to herself; she couldn't exactly put a name to the face. The mystery man turned around and locked eyes with Emily, sending shivers down her spine. Is that –? It couldn't be. No, there's no way it's _him_. Fuck.

"Please... don't come over here." She muttered to herself a little too loudly.

"Who are you talking about?" Alison searched Emily's eyes and found they were focused on someone by the door. Curiosity taking over, she turned around and was left with her mouth agape. Shit.

"Alison?" The man began to walk towards their table in order to get a better look at the blonde.

"Elliot, wh– what are you doing here?" Alison stammered as she turned to look at the man hovering above her.

"I could ask you the same." He replied looking between her and Emily. This unplanned meeting was getting a little too uncomfortable as a heavy tension arose between Alison and her husband.

"Having a coffee before I go home." Alison answered nonchalantly, crossing her arms and sliding back into her seat. Emily studied the blonde's body language as she seemingly began to shrug off the whole ordeal. Rollins just stared at her, not a word slipping from his mouth, almost as if he was also analyzing her.

"Why didn't you answer when I called earlier?" He inquired although it sounded more like a demand for an appropriate answer; voice becoming sterner with each word.

"I was busy." She stated bluntly with no sign of remorse.

There was a silence, as if he was waiting for a longer answer, until he spoke again. "Doing?" His eyes widened at her lack of explanation.

"School work."

"I called Hackett. He said he hadn't seen you since school ended yesterday." Their demeanors against each other was a bit surprising to Emily. How did they manage to marry each other, she thought.

"Just because I'm not doing my work at the school doesn't mean I can't be doing it elsewhere." Alison challenged. Emily could practically see the anger run throughout his body at the blonde's statement; she could have sworn his veins even popped out a bit. She guessed he didn't like when someone had the upper hand in an argument. How did they manage to marry each other, she thought once again.

"Can I talk to you?" He questioned. When Alison didn't move, he quietly added, "in private, please?" Whatever bit of attitude he had before subsided and was now replaced with sincerity, confusing Emily. Before getting up, Alison looked to the brunette, almost like she was silently asking for permission and when Emily nodded yes, she felt as though she was slowly being crushed.

"What is so important that you had to make a scene like that?" Alison sneered once they were at a table further from Emily who was now fiddling with her cellphone.

"Alison, you didn't come home last night and I got worried. I called and called, but you never picked up." Elliot sighed.

Alison shrugged. "I fell asleep pretty early." She examined a tiny crack in her nail and scrunched her nose.

"Where did you sleep then? Spencer's? Hanna's? Aria's?" His voice was raising with every word, even more so when he noticed that Alison wasn't even paying attention.

"No." She drew out the word before looking back at him. "I slept at Emily's." She answered matter-of-factly. All of the color from his face drained at the response.

"Emily's." He mumbled to himself, wearing a rough expression.

"Yes, Emily's." She repeated. "Now, if you don't mind, we were having coffee and I have to get back over there before she goes in for work. I'll see you at home." Alison wanted to make it clear that she was done with the conversation.

He skeptically nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I'll see you at home." He shook his head in disbelief before looking at her again. All of a sudden, before Alison could fully react, he was leaning in for a kiss, which she quickly – and almost completely – avoided. Instead of a peck on the lips, it was on her cheek. Without looking, she could guess that Emily was probably seething in her seat as she watched the two. Alison offered him a curt smile before she turned and started to walk back over to her previous seat across from the brunette.

Before she could get far enough away from Rollins, he caught her wrist. "Ali, do I... um, do I need to be worried about you and her?" She raised an eyebrow at his question before he expanded on his question. "I remember you telling me about your past with her and I'm just a little concerned for you." Alison looked him over. It seemed as if he was a slight bit jealous over Emily.

"No, you don't. Emily and I have been best friends for years. I swear... there's nothing like that going on." Alison assured him while flashing her DiLaurentis smile.

"Okay, good. I just don't want something to come between us again." Rollins released her wrist before looking at her once more and making his way out of the café. She gently bit the inside of her cheek as she paused for a moment before walking back over towards the table.

"Well, that was interesting." Alison breathed out as she sat back down in front of Emily. The brunette sat silent, scrolling through her phone and not once making eye contact with Alison.

"Em?" Alison noticed she was awfully quiet. "What's wrong?" She already knew the problem and knew that Emily would avoid answering the question truthfully, but she also knew that they couldn't address the problem where they sat at the moment.

"Nothing. I'm just a little tired." Emily responded solemnly. Alison watched Emily closely for a bit as they sat in silence.

"I have to go or I'll be late. Do you want me to drop you off at your house?" Emily finally spoke up, still not looking Alison in the eyes.

"No, it's fine." She looked around. "I'll walk from here. You don't need to be late because of me." Alison assured, but her tone held an evident attitude.

The brunette finally looked at her with soft eyes, "Alison–"

"Emily."

"I'll take you home if you want me to. You won't make me late, I promise." Emily reached out to touch her hand, but remembered where they were and retracted it almost immediately. They both looked away with slight awkwardness and regret, not quite sure what to do.

"Come on." Emily pushed her chair out and stood up. "I'll take you home." She smiled and offered Alison her hand to pull her up as well.

"Fine, but I swear, Em... if you're late–"

"They can survive ten more minutes without me." Emily interrupted what was about to be a five minute rant, earning an eye roll and a smile out of Alison.

"Alright then. Let's go." Alison laughed, shaking her head as Emily held the door for the blonde.

  


 


	2. Chapter 2

_Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking._

* * *

She still has as much pep in her step jogging up three flights of stairs as she did at the gym all day. Taking two steps per lunge, Emily finally reaches her own apartment's hallway, out of breath and slowing down before coming to a stop in order to rest for a few moments. Currently, all she could think about was taking a quick shower and finishing her night off by lounging on her living room couch with a nice, scary movie and a bowl of cereal.

When she finally caught her breath, she looked around, examining the interior of the building she's lived in for months now. It was old – that much she could tell; probably older than herself, from the looks of it. She studied the hallway's walls and concluded that it sure as hell endured a lot of damage over the years. The building itself wasn't that big, and really, neither was the apartments that the building contained. Emily's apartment in particular was incredibly small, but it was perfect for her and suited her single-living needs with some space to spare. Although the building was an okay size, it could definitely use some sprucing up.

Breaking herself out of the slight trance, Emily began to fish around in her unorganized purse for the key to her door, mentally cursing at herself for never cleaning it out. How do people use huge purses without going insane, she thought; she could barely keep her's, as small as it is, clean. Finally locating the key and sticking it into the lock, she turned the doorknob and walked inside, sighing in content when she realizes that she's finally home after a long day – _or_ so she thought as she looks up to see Hanna relaxing on the couch, eating a bag of cheesy puffs.

"Did I miss something here?" Emily moved her finger back and forth between Hanna and the television.

"I got hungry and lonely so I used my spare to get in." Hanna replied nonchalantly as if it were no big deal – which it really wasn't; Emily was pretty much used to it by now.

"So, are you going to share the sofa or leave me standing here in my own apartment?" Emily joked. With that, Hanna stood up, eyes never leaving the TV as she did so.

"Em, we seriously need to get out and go do something. No offense, but your apartment's a little _too_ small to have fun in." The blonde stated bluntly as she turned the TV's volume down and faced Emily.

Emily furrowed her brows at the statement, "hey, I have fun in here." She was slightly offended, but it was Hanna; what more could she expect?

Hanna wrinkled her nose before responding, "Not the kind of fun _I_ wanna join in on." Her reaction earned a chuckle from the brunette.

"Let's do something fun and make it a girls' night instead of just watching TV," Hanna beamed. Emily looked away and sighed. She was _really_ looking forward to watching that new scary movie she rented. Before Emily could protest, Hanna continued, "And I know you were just going to plant your ass on that couch all night and watch some lame gore-fest, but I, being the good friend that I am," the blonde placed her hands over her heart before inhaling deeply, "won't let that happen." She finished and shot Emily a cheesy smile – no pun intended. _Good friend my butt_ , part of Emily's mind shouted, however she lightly laughed at her best friend's antics.

When Hanna saw the wheels turning in Emily's head, she grabbed her hands and pulled on them. "Please, Em. We haven't spent any time together in a while," she whined.

Within seconds, Emily had gone from slowly shaking her head to nodding in response.

"Fine, but we are _not_ playing any of your games again, Hanna. I mean it." Emily held her finger out, sternly pointed at the blonde. Hanna rolled her eyes at how serious Emily was acting at the moment, considering she wouldn't be acting nearly as serious with a little alcohol in her system.

"Okay, _Mom_." Hanna mocked in a deep voice. Emily scoffed before stretching and heading into the small kitchen.

"So, what did you have in mind? The movies or... what?" Emily inquired over her cereal bowl as Hanna walked in.

"I don't know. Maybe..." Hanna trailed off, leaving Emily a bit curious as to what exactly the blonde was thinking.

Before getting further into their plans, Hanna's unexpected visit began to register in Emily's mind. "Where's Caleb, by the way?" She recalled Hanna briefly saying that she was lonely.

After a few seconds, the blonde's attention snapped back to Emily. "He left on some unexpected business trip earlier and won't be back for a few days." She puffed out her cheeks. "Speaking of which... can I stay here in the meantime? I get needy easily." Hanna asked.

Emily playfully rolled her eyes before responding. "Oh, you don't say?" She laughed when Hanna shot her a pointed look. "Of course you can. Stay as long as you want." Emily smiled at the mere thought of having her best friend stay with her for a few days; it had been a while since they hung out for longer than only a few hours.

Hanna let out an audible – and slightly odd – giggle, causing Emily to glare at her, waiting for an explanation.

"Do we get to share the bed?" She wiggled her eyebrows up and down.

Emily chuckled. "Keep doing that and you'll be staying on the couch."

The two managed to make their way to the living room couch while making small talk before Hanna proposed an idea for the night.

"You know what would be fun?" She pursed her lips to contain her excitement. _Oh crap, here we go_ , Emily thinks.

The brunette slowly tilted her head to look at Hanna out of the corner of her eye. " _Hmm_?" She hummed, already guessing what this idea is going to be.

"We should go to The Radley," Hanna practically yelled.

"Hanna, I'm tired and –" Emily attempted to come up with a solid excuse, but she was interrupted by the front door swinging open and slamming shut.

"What the hell, _Alison_? I'm going to have to change my underwear now!" Hanna breathed out, clutching her chest and trying to recover from her own high-pitched scream. Emily looked down, already dreading the question that was about to come next.

"And when did _you_ get a spare key?" Hanna squinted at the key that Alison was dangling from her finger. "I thought I was the only one with a spare." She looked between Alison and the small piece of metal. Alison looked away from the two, attempting to come up with a good reason as to why she had a key to Emily's place, but she couldn't seem to formulate anything believable, so she simply ignored Hanna's question altogether. Meanwhile, Emily sat frozen on the couch.

Alison looked back towards the two on the couch and asked, "What are you guys doing?"

Hanna flashes them both a wide and mischievous smile. "I was about to take Emily to The Radley, to see if she'd score with someone tonight."

Alison's face drops for a split second before plastering on a tight smile, refusing to let her emotions show in front of the other blonde. Emily groans; she knows _exactly_ where this is going – and it's not going to end well for her. But, sadly, there was nothing that Emily could do or say to stop Hanna. First off, it would look suspicious that Emily jumped completely off the bandwagon right as Alison found out, and two, once Hanna gets going on something, she won't quit. So, reluctantly, Emily simply bites the bullet while sitting back to watch the situation unfold.

"Hanna, I told you that I'm tired from working all day long. Can we please just stay in?" Emily attempts to change her best friend's mind, but it doesn't work.

Hanna stares at Emily before rolling her eyes. "Suck it up, Em, you'll be even more tired once we get back… and that's _if_ you leave with me." Hanna winks and Emily swears she can feel Alison's anger radiating from where she's sat on the sofa. She watches Alison shift uncomfortably in her spot near the door after Hanna's smug remark. _I just wanted to watch movies and eat cereal_ , Emily thought **.**

Alison threw her purse over her shoulder and made her way closer towards the door. "You know, I should probably head out," she said rather coldly. "I have a stack of papers to grade and if I don't start on it now, I'll be up grading until four and Elliot _hates_ when I come to bed that late." Alison pauses to laugh but Emily knows the blonde is really pausing to make sure that the message was received; _play with fire and you get burned._ She looked towards Emily with a small – and slightly sad? - smile on her face before speaking again, "You should go out though, Em... Maybe you'll find someone other than a _blonde_."

With that last statement, she slammed the door shut and, little to the brunette's knowledge, Alison had left hurt; she had left seconds before allowing her tears to fall as she rapidly walked down the hallway. Emily looked at Hanna, who had her mouth hanging slightly ajar, until she caught glimpse of Emily's gaze and attempted to look unfazed.

"So, Em… how does The Radley sound now?" Hanna let out a small laugh, trying to diffuse the tension that still lingered throughout the room.

"Han, I'm really, really tired," Emily stressed. "I just want to lay here and watch TV until I fall asleep," she finished. She knew she would be in deep shit tomorrow with the fuming blonde who had just left, so Emily just wanted to relax while she still could – or try to, at least.

"Yeah, yeah. That's fine. I'm going to go take a shower and then we can watch that gross movie you rented." Hanna cringed before shuffling awkwardly to the bathroom.

Before Hanna could get too far, Emily stopped her by calling her name. When she looked towards Emily with full attention – almost as if she was about to be scolded for something – Emily softly smiled at her. "Thank you for letting me plant my ass on this couch all night."

Hanna let out a laugh before responding, "Don't get used to it, Emily Fields. I'm getting you out of this apartment sooner or later… willing or not." She promised as she sent a playfully stern look in Emily's direction on the couch, earning a raised eyebrow from the brunette. When Hanna started exiting the room once again, Emily muttered to herself, "It definitely won't be willing."

"I heard that," came Hanna's sing-song voice from the bathroom. Before getting into any more trouble, Emily simply rolled her eyes and unknowingly got lost in her thoughts.

Emily sits on the edge of the couch, silently, absentmindedly sighing. Tonight was supposed to end quietly; she thought about how she planned on a calm night with herself and no problems. She loved Hanna to death and Emily's thrilled to have her best friend stay with her for a few nights – that wasn't the problem. The problem was that Emily couldn't vent to her best friend; she couldn't just flat out explain to Hanna what's going on and why Alison reacted the way she did; she couldn't ask Hanna for advice; she couldn't do anything but bottle everything up and hope it dissipated eventually. Emily began to run a hand through her dark hair, wondering what is going to happen next. Alison didn't even give her the benefit of the doubt, Emily thought; after all this time, doesn't she trust me? Emily slowly leaned her back against the couch. She knew that there wasn't a positive vibe when Alison stormed out earlier – quite the opposite, actually. If there was one thing that Emily hated, it was upsetting Alison and she could only imagine how upset the girl was right about now. Although, this time, Emily feels like she's messed up a lot worse than any time before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know how you like this chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

_Enissophobia- Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin, fear of criticism._

* * *

Bright rays of sunshine flashed in and out of her bedroom window, making it harder and harder to fall back to sleep. Emily began to toss and turn until she ended up on the opposite side of the bed, which was once occupied by Hanna, who was currently nowhere in sight. She rubbed her eyes while remembering the blonde's comment about their designated sides of the bed and boundaries:

_"I prefer the left side to the right, as you should remember," Hanna announced from the bathroom. "And, Em, I know you'll probably do it anyway, but please keep your legs on your side of the bed. If we wake up intensely spooning like last the time, don't feel offended when you end up on the floor."_

Emily sighed before glancing at her bed-side alarm clock and seeing that the time was now ten-thirty. Though having an internal battle on whether or not she should just tuck herself back under the covers and sleep the rest of the morning away, she eventually decides that it would be best to get up and move around to shake off the grogginess. _First off_ , she thought, _I need a bowl of cereal._

She pulled on a pair of sweatpants and headed into the kitchen where she found a note from Hanna reading:

_"Hey, babe. I'm going out to run some errands and pick a few things up. I'll be out all day so don't miss me too much ;) Kisses – Your favorite blonde."_

Emily feels a chuckle rise in her throat while reading the small note, specifically at the part where Hanna dubs herself Emily's "favorite blonde." Before setting the note down, she remembers last night and a sudden headache hits her.

_Alison threw her purse over her shoulder and made her way closer towards the door. "You know, I should probably head out," she said rather coldly. "I have a stack of papers to grade and if I don't start on it now, I'll be up grading until four and Elliot hates when I come to bed that late." Alison pauses to laugh but Emily knows the blonde is really pausing to make sure that the message was received; play with fire and you get burned. She looked towards Emily with a small – and slightly sad? – smile on her face before speaking again, "You should go out though, Em... Maybe you'll find someone other than a blonde."_

On top of all that, she recalls how short-worded the blonde's texts were and how long she'd take to reply. With Hanna quietly snoring next to her, Emily waited for what seemed to be forever until she figured she wasn't going to get an answer at all and finally put her phone down. Accidentally, she actually fell asleep rather quickly, only to wake up and see that Alison had replied as soon as she placed the phone on her nightstand.

After everything that had happened, Emily knew she was in some deep shit, and if she knows Alison as good as she thinks, the blonde is still fuming and planning Emily's punishment – and it won't be enjoyable. She sighs, knowing all too well that Alison probably has something deviously good up her sleeve. The ringing of her cell phone is what eventually brings the brunette out of her thoughts; part of her wishing it was Alison and the other part wishing it was anyone _but_ the upset blonde. Deciding she can't avoid the caller for long, Emily picks up her phone to see that it's Spencer.

"Hello?" Emily answered, rubbing her face as she tried to fight the yawn threatening to exit her mouth.

"Hey, Em. Just waking up?" Spencer poked slight fun at the groggy voice on the other end.

Emily hummed, "Kind of. Hanna stayed over last night and I barely slept at all. You know how that goes."

Spencer immediately groaned in response, recalling the times all of the girls shared a room for their many get-togethers. "Tell me about it. Either she keeps you up by talking about the latest gossip or she's coming up with the most outrageous stories." Emily chuckled, knowing exactly what Spencer was talking about.

"Anyway... I was just calling to see if we were still on for Philly. The barn is in dire need of a makeover."

Emily hung her head as she held the phone to her ear. She didn't want to disappoint her friend; she knew Spencer had been talking about furniture shopping ever since Hanna made a comment about her taste in all-vintage decor, but she didn't feel up for the trip today.

"Spence, I'm sorry...I don't think I'll be able to make it today. I woke up with a sore throat and the worst headache ever." Emily explained in a distraught tone, rubbing the back of her neck as she added a low, dry cough to make it somewhat believable.

"Having to deal with Hanna...I'm not surprised." They both shared a laugh before Spencer spoke again, "Anyway, I hope you feel better, Em. Rain check?"

Emily smiled, "Thank you and of course. Just let me know when and I'll be there."

"Yeah, yeah, no problem. I'll let you go rest for a while. Talk soon?" Spencer queried with a hopeful tone due to the lack of hanging out between all of them lately.

"Definitely," she affirmed. "Bye, Spence." Emily said her farewell before hanging up and standing silently in the middle of her apartment. Now, if only she could see her favorite blonde today...

Emily pulls up her texts to the most recent conversations and clicks on the first name she sees – Alison.

"Hey, can you come over?" Emily rereads her message before hitting send. She doesn't want to sound like she needs Alison, but yet, she kind of does, though she hates to admit it. In the end, she erases it and types out another message.

"Please come over." Emily lets out a shaky breath without hitting send. She knows Alison originally left hurt and upset, but after Emily had stopped texting her back last night after it all happened... _yikes_ , she didn't even want to know how angry the blonde was right now. After some intricate thinking, she erases the text yet again and types out a simple, "Come over." Not too desperate – not too pushy, it doesn't give the blonde anything to over-analyze. Nothing bad could come from it, right? Except...she could read it before scoffing and ignoring it as soon as it's opened. When Emily looked back at the conversation on her screen, she saw a small line of gray text below the message saying "Read – eleven-sixteen." _Yup, I fucked up_.

Instead of waiting around and wondering if the blonde will even show up, she mentally decides that she'll go to Alison if Alison won't come to her; she knows the blonde really wants an explanation, and too stubborn to admit it or not, she's going to get one. In the meantime, Emily quickly hopped into the shower while she waited, deciding to wash last night away along with all of the unexpected drama. When she stepped out of the small shower, she pulled her hair into a bun before throwing on a pair of fresh sweatpants and a simple t-shirt. While adjusting her sweats in the mirror, Emily heard a loud sound coming from the living room.

_Knock_

_Knock_

_Knock_

Emily nearly tripped over her coffee table as she quickly ran over to the door. She rolls her neck, already sensing the hell that's about to be unleashed. Deciding against moving the furniture in case a full-blown wrestling match broke out, Emily slowly turns the doorknob and opens the door swiftly, revealing a blonde that's paying little attention to anything but her phone. Alison doesn't even look at Emily as she walks past the brunette and plants herself down on the couch.

"Ali –"

"So, did you have fun last night? You know... when you left to pick up some random _girl_?" Alison immediately laid her claws into Emily, cutting her off before she could get a single word out. She could tell that Alison was trying to refrain from using _other_ words while simultaneously trying to keep the upper hand.

"We didn't go out last night. We –" Emily tried to get out as she stood between the door and Alison.

"Then why did you stop texting me back last night? Was she that good?" The blonde's words dripped with venom as she cocked her head to the side, daring the other girl to answer. Emily internally sighed, already expecting this before she even opened the door.

After a second, Emily snorted at Alison's assumptions before explaining when a fierce glare was thrown her way, "I fell asleep because it was getting late and I was already exhausted before I even got home last night."

Alison went silent, not having anything left to throw at the brunette. Emily walked over and sat down beside Alison on the couch, taking the girl's hand in her own.

"You need to stop letting Hanna get to you." Emily looked at Alison, "I know she can be quite a handful at times, but she only likes to rile you up." And that's when realization hit Emily: _does Hanna know? No, there's no way she does. It's not possible – they've been too careful._

Alison looked towards Emily almost as if she could read her thoughts. "Maybe she knows, Em. I wouldn't be surprised if she did." She inhaled deeply. The mere thought of someone other than the two of them knowing about their relationship was extremely stressful, even if it was just Hanna.

"No, I'm sure she doesn't. If she did, she would've said something by now." Emily shook her head while clarifying. _But it's Hanna_ , she thought _, so who knows..._

They both sat in silence for a few until Emily noticed Alison eyeing her figure up and down out of the corner of her eye.

"What do you have planned for today?" Alison innocently asks as she glances around the living room.

"Nothing major...why?" Emily smirks because she gets her answer when she feels Alison scoot closer to her on the couch.

"Just wondering." Alison answers shyly.

Emily gently bites her inner cheek before replying, "On second thought… I _was_ debating if I should go out and get a coffee." She finishes while scratching her chin.

Alison looks at her with big eyes before pleading, "No, stay." How could she say no?

"But that coffee would feel _really_ good right about now," Emily continues to play along with her little game.

"Oh really? I know other things that could feel _really_ good." Alison lifts her head up so she's eye level with Emily. She leans in slowly, placing a gentle yet passionate kiss on her brunette's lips.

Emily hums softly in response, "Is that the best you've got?" Alison pulls away, pretending to look hurt.

She shoots Emily a look of disbelief. "Think you can do better?"

"I know I can." Emily confidently retorts.

"Don't get too cocky." Alison bites her lower lip as the mood changes abruptly.

Emily smirks and takes in Alison's appearance. Flawless, she thinks. Before either of them knew it, Emily had lifted Alison's body up slightly and pushed her against the arm of the couch before settling in between the blonde's legs, earning a half-moan, half-grunt in response.

"Already?" Emily giggles and bites at her own lower lip as she watches Alison glare at her.

"No, I–I just wasn't expecting that." Alison's face turns a soft red within seconds.

Emily smirks at the girl's stuttered reply. "I think someone's telling a little white lie," she taps Alison on the lips.

"Unlikely." Alison purses her lips as Emily lingers only inches away.

"Don't get too cocky." Emily mocks the blonde's words from before. Alison scoffs at the brunette's tone, before breaking out into a genuine smile.

"Just kiss me already." She pulls Emily onto her and their lips finally attach after their playful banter.

Tongue against tongue, both fighting for dominance, clashing against each other like they haven't touched in years, soft moans here and there – they missed each other; she missed Alison and it killed her when she didn't get to see the blonde or even hear the voice she's become accustomed to hearing. As the atmosphere began to thicken with lust, Emily could feel Alison grinding against her leg, trying to create any small amount of friction between their bodies.

Emily began to swelter as their shared heat started to catch up to her. Without saying a word, she sits up straight and pulls her shirt off, throwing it to the side, and leaving her in nothing but a sports bra. Leaning back down, she immediately turns her attention to the side of Alison's neck.

" _Em_." Alison moans as she feels Emily's teeth grazing lightly against her pulse. After hearing the blonde's reaction and internally catching fire, Emily moves her hand and slowly slides it down Alison's side until she reaches the hem of the girl's shirt.

"Please...take it off." Alison struggles to breathe out as she tries to calm herself down a bit. Emily reacts in no time and helps Alison remove the thin shirt, tossing it onto the ground as she leans back in and catches Alison's lips with her own. Emily presses little kisses from her jawline to her ear, loving the feeling of the blonde practically shuddering underneath her touch. She makes her way down Alison's torso, wanting more – _needing_ more.

Out of habit, she looks up towards Alison and sees her eyes closed, pleasure written across her features. Emily gently chews on her lip as she slowly unbuckles Alison's belt, completely loosening it from the denim loops. Wanting to tease the blonde a little more, Emily climbs back up her body tortuously slow, letting the tip of her tongue drag up Alison's stomach.

"How bad do you want me?" She whispered seductively into Alison's ear; her warm breath tickling the blonde's skin and sending signals all over her body – in all the right places.

"Emily, _please_." Alison whimpered in response to the littlest amount of contact. Emily was in the process of snaking her hand down into Alison's jeans when the door suddenly swung open, leaving both girls in shock with no time to get untangled.

"Hey, Em. Spencer told me you weren't feeling well so I brought you some soup and –" An intruding Hanna stops talking in mid-sentence as she looks up and catches Emily and Alison in a very heated position – now wearing shocked expressions. Hanna, however, is wearing the least shocked facial expression out of the three of them.

_"Alright, guys. We'll be back in fifteen minutes tops. Don't have too much fun without us." Aria smiles as she shrugs her overcoat onto her petite frame, protecting herself from the cold weather that drifted throughout all of Pennsylvania. Spencer followed behind her as they walked out of the Montgomery house._

_"Bye!" The other three called out in unison before the door shut. They all had gone out to see their best friend, Aria, at one of her book readings. She had just published her first book and, when she received the news that she could read it at a bar in downtown Hollis, she just couldn't pass up the offer and the girls couldn't wait to support her._

_"Ali, can you help me in the kitchen real quick?" Emily called from the adjacent room._

_"Yeah, sure." Alison responded as she rose up off of the couch and walked into the kitchen. Hanna quietly wonders what Emily could need Alison's help with; seeing Emily being at ease around Alison was a major twist from just a little over a month ago when Emily practically hated the mere thought of Alison – well, hate is a rather strong word; she more or less kept her distance and avoided all topics revolving around the blonde. Bringing Hanna out of her thoughts, the two girls walked back into the room holding three mugs filled with what Hanna assumed to be coffee._

_"One for me." Emily counted and sat one in front of her seat._

_"One for you." She continued as Hanna stared._

_"And... one for you," Emily's hands fell to her sides after placing the last mug on the table. "I think I did great. What do you guys think?" She flashed a proud smile._

_"As long as it's not as strong as Spencer's... I'm fine. Seriously, not even the military could drink it," Alison wrinkled her nose. Hanna continued to watch the interaction between the two: no bickering and Emily's eyes uncontrollably flickering from Alison's eyes to her lips? Was she that drunk? No, she barely had anything to drink._

_The lone brunette cleared her throat, "Anyway, wasn't that reading fantastic?" Hanna silently studied Emily's actions with intense eyes before the exaggerated calmness got to her._

" _You're acting weird. Spill," Hanna stated. Emily looked taken aback at Hanna's bluntness even though she'd been used to it for years._

_"Wh–what do you mean? I'm not acting weird." Emily fidgeted in her seat. There was definitely something going on with the brunette and Hanna was curious and maybe even a bit concerned._

_"How much did you have to drink tonight, Han?" Alison jokingly asked._

_"Apparently not enough," she replied before Alison could even finish the question. "Now, Emily, spill." Hanna demanded, giving Emily her best "don't bullshit me" glare._

_"I swear, it's nothing… I'm just happy tonight, that's all." Emily blushed slightly before looking back at Hanna, silently asking her to drop the subject, which she did. If Emily wanted to talk, she would talk._

_"Aria better hurry up with that damn wine." Hanna suddenly groaned, earning a chuckle from the other two. She notices how close their proximity is to one another and wonders when they reconnected and how. She mentally notes how close their legs are: they're pretty much on top of each other. The way Alison laughs at Emily's comments and how her hand settles gingerly on the brunette's lap, lingering just long enough to make someone question their relationship with each other._

_"They'll be here soon. It's been nearly ten minutes and the store isn't that far." Emily checks her wrist watch in confirmation before giving them a nod._

_"Yeah, I'm sure they're on their way back by now." Alison agreed, resting her hand on Emily's... thigh? Hanna looks to quirk an eyebrow at Alison but she had retracted her hand almost immediately, followed by her exaggeratedly clearing her throat. The looks, touching, flirtatious atmosphere – it was almost like they were dating. Though, they couldn't be because Alison is married. The silence in the air thickened as no one knew what to say. In her own mind, Hanna was taking vivid notes on their actions and overall mood towards each other; she couldn't get over the two. One day Emily was keeping her distance from Alison at any cost and the next they were practically all over each other._

_"Um, excuse me... I–I have to go to the, uh, bathroom." Alison stammered the words out before getting up and heading upstairs. Immediately after, Hanna mentally decides that she'll keep her eye on the two from – slightly – afar, just to see if she would be able to prove her suspicions wrong. However, the little fact that remained nailed in the back of her brain kept popping up: Alison gets what Alison wants. What's a marriage license to stop her from chasing_ _Emily, the only person – or thing – she's loved consistently throughout the years? Although Alison was always confident in how well she could hide her secrets, loving Emily just wasn't one of those secure secrets. Hanna shook her head; there's no way she'd cheat on Rollins. She loves him. She married him._

_"You alright over there? You look like you've seen a ghost." Emily carefully watched her friend from a few feet away. Hanna was quick to nod, not trusting herself to speak in regards to what was going on in her mind._

"I fucking knew it." Hanna dropped the soup on the table by the door and pointed a finger at the two in, nearly, one whole motion. "You two have been running around behind our backs and hooking up whenever you got the chance." She looked towards the ceiling for a split second. "I fucking knew it! I am _such_ a genius." Hanna praised herself before looking back at the two with both hands on her hips. They both sat there, disheveled and quiet. Alison continued to glare at the blonde for her unexpected entrance while Emily sat in shock, looking like she wasn't even capable of forming any kind of rebuttal. During the few moments of silence, Hanna's minds continued to race and recount all the clues that she had gathered over a period of time.

"It all makes sense now. The reading, the Christmas ball, footsies at The Brew..." Hanna mumbles something else to finish the explanation of her theory, earning two shocked looks from the girls on the couch; it turns out that they weren't as careful as they had originally thought. Chuckling slightly, Hanna grabs the soup and sits it on the counter, "I'd tell you to feel better, Em, but I'm sure Alison is already taking good care of you." Emily feels Alison tense up beside her. She tries to imagine what's going through her head and bets it's not good at all.

"Oh...and don't worry. I won't be back until later on tonight... _so_ do whatever you want." Hanna winks at Emily, spinning on her heel and exiting the apartment, slamming the door shut behind her.

Almost instantly, Emily, still trying to process what just happened, hears her phone chime. She reaches over to the coffee table and picks up her phone, unlocking it before reading the text from Hanna:

" _And I won't tell anyone, but you know we'll be discussing this tonight._ "

At the end of the text, Emily sees an upside-down smiley face emoji, confusing her; was Hanna really using an emoji after what just happened? Emily groans; she knows she's in for it tonight.

"Wait, _why_ is Hanna coming back tonight?" Alison speaks up for the first time in at least fifteen minutes, giving Emily a questioning look.

"Caleb left yesterday on some business trip, so she's staying with me for a few nights." Emily quietly explains. Maybe if she pretends to _actually_ be sick, Hanna won't give her the third degree. _As if_ , she thinks and almost rolls her eyes at herself.

Alison laughs at the response, earning a curious and confused look from the brunette sitting next to her.

"Oh, I feel so bad for you." She says, letting out a bigger laugh.

Emily looks at her with wide eyes. "How are you _not_ freaking out over this?" She asks worriedly, with a slow shake of her head.

"For a while I've pretty much wondered if she might have a clue or maybe even an interestingly-Hanna type of theory. The subtle yet not so subtle snide remarks were a dead giveaway." Alison tilts her head to the side. In that moment, Emily wanted to recite the quote "takes one to know one," however she knew it wouldn't get her anywhere she'd want to be.

"What do we do?" Emily exhales as she puts her face in her hands, suddenly feeling exhausted. To think that they were being so careful all this time... yet just a slight slip-up and they're caught red handed.

Alison fidgets with her hands before answering, "I don't know." Emily shrinks back into the couch and sighs, feeling rather defeated – but for what reason? Having her relationship with Alison out in the open was something she had been wanting for a while now and their relationship has, finally, been exposed to one of their friends yet she doesn't feel any better – she may even feel worse; almost as if she's taken a step, only to have the entire rug yanked out from underneath her feet, causing her to fall flat on her ass.

"Look, we know Hanna won't tell anyone. Even though we both know she'll hold it above our heads forever, she wouldn't dare tell a soul. We're okay." Alison tried to ease some comfort into her brunette's mind. For now, Emily thought, but she remained silent.

At the continuing silence, Alison cuddled into Emily's side and kissed her on the temple, "Stop over thinking this, baby." She whispered with soft eyes. "Look on the bright side... it's a start to telling the girls." Alison tried to get a reaction from Emily, who was still lost in her own thoughts. Was there really a bright side to this situation? Alison and Emily were in a secret relationship. Emily was in a secret relationship with the girl she loved...and she was slowly starting to feel trapped again.

While Emily's thoughts began to scramble more and more, the two mindlessly scooted down further onto the couch and Alison cuddled closely into the other girl's side. Emily loved Alison – that's for sure, but was it all really worth the risk of slowly falling back into that girl she had long overcome? Emily's much stronger than her younger, naive self – or so she thought.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

_Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions_

* * *

_She's running, near breathless, as she tries to be as silent as she can but there's no use; they're still on her trail._

_One, two. One, two. One – She silently counts her heartbeat as she tries to catch her breath._

_All she can do is run and hope like hell that she doesn't fall – because wouldn't that be great? Never look behind you, they say, but she does it anyway; she looks back. There they are, standing around in the distance like a snake that's ready to strike its prey at any given moment._

_Being scared shitless, she begins to run once again. What will happen if they catch up to me? Her thoughts race almost as fast as her heart and legs._

_Emily stops, looking closer at the figure that's standing there; doing nothing but watching her every move. All she sees is a dark mass; a tall, slender figure that has the body type of a female. In some odd way, the figure mimics Emily and everything she does; if Emily stops, so does the figure. When she runs, so does the figure._

_"What do you want from me?" She desperately tries to call out but the words get stuck in her throat like a thick mud seeping in._

_"Leave me alone!" She screams but her words travel nowhere._

_Her thoughts begin to race again as she frantically looks around. Is someone crying? Where did the mass go?_

_She looks down at her hands to see that they're scraped up and bleeding uncontrollably. Ever so lightly, she rubs her face and feels that it's soaked. She hears her own sobs echo around her and back through her ears, though she can't feel anything in her chest anymore._

_Admittedly, she's scared to hell and back, but that doesn't stop her from trying to escape. She's not dying here – she refuses to._

_Once she has finally caught her breath, she starts running again, only to hear the branches under her feet snap as well as more snapping in the distance. How the hell did she end up in this forest again?_

_"Stop following me!" She screams through her sobs but, again, there's no use as, this time, it's the strong winds that carry her voice away. Running and running, getting nowhere, she finally falls, landing face first._

_"Damn it." She cries out. On instinct, she turns around only to see her follower disappeared once again. Fucking fantastic, she thinks._

_She slowly glances down to see her ankle is almost visibly twisted and the pair of jeans she's wearing is sticking to her leg, right below her knee. She reaches down to feel fresh, warm liquid oozing out of a wound that had resulted from her recent fall._

_Great – another thing to worry about, she thinks. Looking around again, she doesn't see anyone so she attempts to stand up, yelping in pain as she almost collapses under the pressure of her ankle._

_That damn branch, she sneers. New tears are flowing warm and steady down her face but she can't tell the difference between them and the drying blood. As a sudden high-pitched noise erupts from behind her, she turns around quickly and sees her former stalker right in front of her. A scream slips through her lips as the figure from before heads towards her, seeming to have its own agenda now._

_I have to move – I have to move now!_

_Pushing herself forward, Emily swallows her cries of pain as she trudges on. Gradually, she picks up her pace, tripping over brush and torn up roots. The footsteps are getting faster and they're getting closer to her. It's only a matter of seconds before –_

_A booming sound surrounds her._

_"What the hell?" She chokes out, but it's too late; the ground gives way and she's already falling._

Emily shoots straight up in her bed, shivering, breaking out in a cold sweat, and breathless. She feels a heaviness in her lower throat, like a brick has been resting on her chest for hours.

 _It's the same one again_ , she thinks and gets frustrated.

She rolls over towards the side of the bed and sits up, letting her head fall into her hands.

"I can't deal with this anymore." She mumbles – but to whom? What is it that she can't deal with? What is sucking all of the life out of her? Why can't she stop having the same damn dream?

An extreme need for water or anything to help her throat hits her senses. She glances at the time to see that it's now nearing nine o'clock in the morning and she's only slept for three hours ever since she last woke up from another terrible nightmare; the same nightmare she's been having for a few days now. At least... they all lead to the same thing: being swallowed by the Earth in one swift motion.

On some days, she wished the Earth would swallow her whole and take her away from all the secrets. Ever since Hanna had unexpectedly walked in on her and Alison making out – and, if she would've arrived a few seconds later, she would've seen more than she anticipated – it's been eating away at the brunette like a dog chewing on a bone except, this time, she's the bone. Although it's been around two weeks since Hanna had found out about the two, they hadn't had a heart to heart about the whole ordeal which scares her due to the fact that Hanna is usually all over this type of situation. Overall, Emily feels like all of the weight of their affair is being put onto her shoulders, but the sad thing is, she doesn't know if she has enough of strength to hold it up on her own – or at all. She wants to talk about it or at least share what she's feeling with someone else, but she doesn't want Alison to think that she's getting tired of her. On the other hand, if she talks to Hanna, she doesn't know what to expect. So, over the span of two weeks, she's kept all of her feelings bottled inside and she doesn't know how much longer she can hold up.

As Emily stares at the wall, her phone chimes, signaling she's received a text from someone. She picks it up to briefly look at the contact name and message:

_"Hey, babe. Did you fall asleep on me last night?"_

Emily closes her eyes as she sets her phone back on the table, letting out an elongated sigh. She hates being like this towards Alison. Her mother has always told her: _if you have a problem, fix it. Never rely on emotional distance, short responses, or letting other outside forces interfere_. But how could she fix something so complicated? Alison was complicated, and honestly, their whole relationship was complicated – it always has been. Emily turned on the TV which stood a few feet from her bed and groaned. The first topic to be discussed was ironically titled " _Are you suspecting your spouse of cheating_?" She grimaced as a commentator read the title in a falsely-informative tone. Almost immediately, she flipped the channel to something a little more relaxing and leaned back into the bed. What was she thinking, getting into this relationship? It's bad – there's no doubt about that – but there's another small, nagging feeling in her stomach. Why couldn't it have been her in the first place? Why didn't Alison marry her? She knew it was a stupid question because she has no place to even think that; she left Alison five years ago. She left Rosewood and cut all possible romantic ties between them, so why does she feel like this? It's not even the fact that she's jealous of Alison and Rollins, but then again, she is. He has the freedom of grabbing Alison's hand in public with no one saying anything. He gets to be the one to lay in bed with her every night, talking until neither one can keep their eyes open much longer.

Emily continues to stare mindlessly at the TV while she stresses more and more.

Does it make her a terrible person for chasing after her first love while they're supposed to be in love with the man that they actually married? She _is_ terrible; she _did_ come between them. They were fine until _she_ came back. _She_ was the main reason why the blonde and Rollins had to go to marriage counseling: because _she_ came back and she couldn't keep to herself. But, really, it wasn't completely her fault either; Alison pursued it just as much as her, but she doesn't seemed fazed by any of it. Alison seems to be holding up just fine.

Emily finally gets out of bed and attempts to make use of the rest of the day. She absolutely hates lying around all day, but she seems to be doing it more than ever now-a-days. As she walks into her apartment's main living space, she feels a familiar urge coming back – one she hasn't felt in a few years and it kills her because, maybe this time, she won't be strong enough to surpass it. Emily backtracks to the hallway and stops in front of the glass cabinet that sits against the wall. There, behind the glass, sits a bottle of tequila that Hanna had bought for her birthday one year after she got back from Mexico. It was stronger than any she's ever had – and she's had some strong drinks. Slowly, she slides the glass door to the side and stares at the bottle, bringing back a flood of memories and struggles. She recalls the uphill battle against herself before actually winning and reaching the top of the mountain. After every internal fight, she's now been clean for a few years and taking a step back would be a big slap in the face. But hasn't she had enough of those in her life that she should be used to it by now? She grabs a small glass that sat beside the bottle and holds it up to her face, eye level. She can almost taste the light-colored liquor on the tip of her tongue. She can smell the strong aroma that she had gotten accustomed to. Her mouth's watering and she craves it; _craves_ feeling that drink slide down her throat and burn while she gets wasted.

_It had been only a few days since the funeral she was barely able to attend. Hell, she can hardly remember anything from it aside from the everlasting hangover she had gotten. She sat at the bar in her kitchen, finishing up a bottle of booze she got from Hanna as a "coping mechanism" for the pain. Sad thing is that it's almost gone and she's only had it for a few days. She needed to forget all the pain she's experienced over the past week._

_Her father's condition had taken a tragic turn; a fatal turn. He had been diagnosed with an enlarged heart a year before his passing and, over time, he developed hypertension only to bein and out of hospitals constantly. It pained her that she was away at college for the most of it until a few weeks before his death. He had been that told he had heart failure but her mother and him agreed to keep it under wraps for a while, not wanting to worry Emily while she was in the midst of getting her degree. When they finally decided to tell her, she was already expecting shaky news, however it was worse than she imagined. Summer vacation arrived and she took the first plane back to Rosewood as fast as she could. When she made it, she took a cab to the nursing home where he was staying so the nurses could keep a close eye on him. She stayed in town after that, spending time with her parents. One morning, Emily received an important call asking her to go see her father immediately. His heart had been slowing down and the doctors didn't expect him to live through the next few days._

_Struggling to cope with her emotions and stress, she turned to the most-available tactic of drowning them with alcohol. At first it wasn't that bad; almost every night, she had a few glasses of wine and it was okay. In the short months after her father passed, it nearly turned into a bottle a day. Her father's death hit her extremely hard. One minute she was at his side as he breathed out his last words before his heart slowed down and came to a stop – the next she was guzzling down booze like it was water. It probably wouldn't have hurt her as bad as it did if she wasn't there with him as he died, or she tends to think that. After an extensive time of struggling with her alcohol abuse, she tried to convince herself it wasn't bad when, in reality, half a bottle of bourbon would barely even affect her. At the time, the only person who knew of her habit was Hanna and she wouldn't have known at all if Emily hadn't been so careless with the empty bottles lying around her apartment – some hidden, some not. It was a number of months before she decided enough was enough. She had woken up one morning, opened a bottle, and threw the cap away. That's when she realized she really needed help, starting with helping herself._

As her eyes flicker between the small glass and bottle, she continues to fight off every voice in her head. She looks back towards the bottle for a moment longer; it's tempting her, almost as if it's _chanting_ her name, begging her to open it and drink. Emily stands there for a few minutes, debating the idea before she slides the door shut and walks away. She's stronger than her old self and she refuses to go back to her old, terrible habits. She feels the constant nagging feeling that keeps eating away at her though. The brunette seriously needed to get a few things off of her chest, but she didn't know what to say or who to talk to. Hanna was there for her, night and day, but she didn't want to hear Hanna's input on anything that had to do with Alison; frankly, she was afraid of Hanna's opinion. Although the two blondes had gotten much closer over the past five years, she still walked on rocks when it came to talking about Alison around Hanna. Deciding that she has to do something in order to get this giant weight off of her chest, she grabs her phone and scrolls through her recent calls until she finds Hanna's name. _Here goes nothing_ , she thinks as she taps the little green phone next to the contact name. She waits. No matter how much she doesn't want to do this, it has to be done. If not, it'll consume her until nothing's left but a hollow shell.

On the fourth ring, the blonde finally answers.

" _Hello_?" She hears through the small speaker. Emily shakes her head; it's a bad idea she knows it.

"Hey," she answers blankly. She feels bad that she hasn't really spoken to Hanna in a while. They've shared a few short conversations over the phone and, when they texted every now and then, the conversation would end shortly after a few responses were exchanged.

" _Wait_ , who's this?" Hanna asks in an almost-serious tone. Emily rolls her eyes in a silent response. Usually she would laugh at the blonde's jokes, but she just wasn't in the mood for jokes – or anything, for that matter.

"Hanna –"

" _Emily_? _Emily Fields_? Is that really _you_?" Hanna exaggeratedly gasps before continuing. "I can't believe it. _The_ Emily Fields actually called. I'm honored." Emily can practically see the smug look on Hanna's face and all she wants to do is hang up... but she's come this far, right?

"Hanna, I need to talk to you. It's important." Emily stated in a monotonous tone.

"Awe, I feel so special. What's the occasion?" Hanna continued to joke. Of course, this phone call was a bad idea from the start. Emily sighed. Knowing Hanna, she wouldn't let up for a while.

Emily swallowed hard before speaking again.

"I'm serious. I need to talk to you." Emily responded in a dull voice, hoping the blonde wouldn't come up with another snide remark.

"Wait, what's wrong?" The blonde immediately takes notice to Emily's distant tone and starts to really listen. Emily doesn't even realize that tears are welling up in her eyes until they start to fall, slowly treading down her hollow cheeks as she tries not to fully give in. She refuses to let herself be this weak, but she can't do it; she can't stop it. Not even bothering to wipe the tears away from her face, Emily breaks and, God, does she hate it.

She attempts to explain why she initially called but, due to her sobbing, she doubts Hanna will be able to understand anything other than "I need you," which already says it all, and Emily thinks she can almost hear Hanna getting her bag before the words even fully leave her mouth.

"I'm on my way." Hanna states firmly and Emily internally smiles, already imagining her best friend burning rubber, trying to get to her apartment as fast as humanly – _and legally_ – possible.

**XXX**

Emily's pacing around her living room, trying to think of something – anything – but Alison. It's no use though; she can't get her out of her damn head and she swears that Alison will be the death of her; she's sure of it. All of a sudden, the front door slams open and in rushes Hanna. Emily, too caught up in her thoughts to say anything, looks at the blonde as she drops her purse immediately and rushes to embrace Emily in the tightest hug. After a few seconds, Emily's mind registers the hug so she reciprocates the warm gesture and, a few moments later, starts crying again.

Pulling away, Hanna looks Emily in the eyes with her hands on the brunette's shoulders before asking, "What the hell happened, Em?"

Emily took a deep breath before backtracking over to the couch, taking a seat, but standing back up almost immediately. Hanna watched her closely with a pained look on her face, taking note of how upset Emily is and remembering how she's only seen the brunette in this state once before and Hanna prayed she'd never see it again.

"Where do I even begin?" Emily laughed darkly, still trying to wipe her face free of tears.

"At the beginning. Tell me everything." Hanna replies before adding, "I'm not going anywhere." She lays a reassuring hand on Emily's arm and guides her over to sit back on the couch. In response, Emily sighs in slight content and timidly sits down.

**XXX**

"It all started when I came back." She starts off quietly.

"You _mean_... it all started when you saw Alison again?" Hanna softly suggested and Emily nodded before continuing.

"I thought when I left Rosewood... it would be for the best." She paused deliberately. "I wouldn't have to face everybody I've let down throughout the years and be reminded daily of the mistakes I've made." Emily smiled sadly and fiddled with her fingers. Hanna's eyes wandered to Emily's fingers but she didn't stop listening; not for even a second.

"But, when I moved, I felt like I had left behind a part of me that I should have held onto. Something I should have fought harder for... but I didn't." Emily looked up at Hanna before quickly looking back down towards her hands and continued, "I was scared to say something. Anything, actually. I thought that there was absolutely nothing left between me and Ali, but I was wrong." She looked towards the ceiling and took a deep breath. "God was I so wrong." Emily gently scoffed. There was nothing Hanna could say or do but she could lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on for her best friend and that's what she intended on doing. _Always_.

"The first few months in LA were hell for me. I was getting accustomed to a new life and I was steadily trying to push my past further and further behind me but it never worked. Ali was always right there in the back of my mind, day and night." Emily laughed wryly while shaking her head.

She stopped speaking for a moment before continuing, "I even started dating Paige again shortly after moving there. I thought that maybe I could have something decent in my life again... but with something I was already familiar with." Emily shifted and looked at her feet.

"I basically used Paige as a crutch to help me through school. I was horrible to her." Emily grimaced. "We'd be having fun at dinner while my mind was somewhere else. Well, on _someone_ else."

"Em, that doesn't make you a bad person. You needed someone to be there for you and Paige was the only one around." Hanna laid a reassuring hand near the brunette's knee.

"I _was_ a bad person, though. I still am. It just took me a while to figure that out. Or maybe I always knew. I don't know..." Emily finished quietly. She pursed her lips and forcefully shut her eyes. She felt a strong urge to stop talking and simply cry, but she refused to; she needed to let this out.

"Em, listen to me. _You_ are _not_ a bad person." The blonde stressed every word. " _I_ know that and _you_ know that." She added a slight bite to her comment.

"I am, Hanna. I am." Emily stated and her gaze got lost in the distance.

"You're not." Hanna replied softly. " _I promise_ ," she spoke as she rubbed her thumb against Emily's knee.

"I kissed another girl while I was dating Paige. She never found out... even after we broke up." Emily took another deep breath. This conversation was beginning to drain her even more, but it had to be let out. "After Paige, there were girls flowing in and out of my dorm room all week long, but none of them ever amounted to –"

"– Alison, because you're still in love with her." Hanna solemnly finished for her. After she spoke, Emily looked up at her with the saddest look she thought she'd ever seen the brunette give off.

"Sadly," Emily confirmed. "Ever since I've come back from LA, my mind had been on her nonstop. I thought that type of thing only happened to people in the movies. For effect, you know? But, really, it doesn't. It's a real thing." The brunette sadly explains.

"So... what made you and Alison fall back together then?" Hanna asks, not knowing her friend was suffering this much.

Emily laughed, "Actually, we didn't talk at all when I came back to town. I tried to avoid her as best as I could which seemed to work at first, but after a while, it didn't do any good. I saw her almost everywhere I went and then I'd go home thinking about her." She sighed as a tear started down her cheek, "I'm pathetic right?"

"No," Hanna answered with a slightly shaky voice. "You're the opposite of pathetic, Em. Most people would've given up on her if they were you. You have to realize that," she finished while looking Emily in the eyes. "Why did you avoid her? Because of Rollins? Or because she's married to him?" Hanna asked.

Emily shrugged, "A little bit of both, I guess. I came back expecting her to be single, which as far as I knew, she was. That is… until you told me that she was married which she didn't even have the audacity to do," her tone finished with a bite.

Hanna smiled sadly. "It was best if I told you and not her, Em. I know how protective you are over her and, if she had told you at the time, I don't think you'd be where you are today," Hanna remarked with another small smile. _When did she get so insightful_ , Emily thought.

"I know..." Emily paused. "I don't know if I've ever told you how thankful I am that you were the one who told me."

"Nope, but you're welcome. Now, _please_ continue the story." Hanna eagerly added with a wave of her hand.

"After a while, I decided there was no use in avoiding her. She was there, I was there. So, I took it upon myself to be more courteous towards her. If he was really what she wanted, then fine, that's her decision and I can't change that." Emily sighed.

"If he was her happiness," Emily paused, her voice shaking severely, "then I'm _happy_ for her. _Or_ so I thought." The brunette felt another tear make its way down her cheek.

"It didn't really hit me until I actually saw them together and... they looked so happy." She began to grit her teeth before shaking her head and speaking again.

"I felt pathetic. There I was... twenty two, single, and still trying to find myself while she was married to the love of her life." Emily rubbed the palms of her hands anxiously against her thighs.

"But look at where you are today, Em! You two have made it so far and this is only the beginning," Hanna attempted to cheer the brunette up. Emily smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes, which the blonde noticed.

"I know we've made progress, but I feel like every time we take one step forward, _I_ get knocked down on my ass." Emily pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, lightly biting down to stop it from quivering.

"What is it that you really want from her, Em?" Hanna cautiously asked; she didn't want to upset her friend any more than she currently was but she had to ask.

"I want her to be _mine_. I know that's selfish... but I _want_ all of her. I _need_ all of her." Emily looked Hanna in the eyes. It was the truth. Not a day went by that she didn't want Alison DiLaurentis by her side at all times but it felt like she was being restrained from just the mere thought of it all. Hanna quirked an eyebrow at the response; she wasn't expecting Emily's words. She knew Emily loved Alison, but although the love was repairing her, it was _destroying_ her all the same.

"Look, Em, I know you love her and you want to be with her, but you have to remember... she married _him_ ," Hanna acknowledged. Meanwhile, Emily felt her heart sink. She knows Alison is married and she's known all along, but hearing the words come from someone else felt like her heart was snatched straight out of her chest.

Before she was about to break down, Hanna continued, "I'm not saying she doesn't love you, Emily. I know she does. And, as much as I used to want nothing to do with her after everything, I'm glad she loves you. You deserve love. It's just unfortunate that these are the circumstances."

"I know, Hanna. I know." Emily muttered, suddenly feeling a pair of arms wrap around her torso.

"It'll get better, Em. I promise it will," Hanna assured, gliding her hand up and down Emily's back in an attempt to soothe the broken brunette.

Emily began to cry hard, which Hanna wasn't exactly expecting. "It's just hard to love someone back when you can't tell if you're falling in or out of love with them." Emily sniffled, pulling away from Hanna and rubbing her eyes free of tears. The blonde looked at her friend sympathetically, a pang of hurt fluttering through her chest as she just realized how torn apart Emily is. Emily abruptly stood up, needing to occupy herself as she couldn't sit around and think about the situation more than she already has. Hanna watched as Emily slowly paced around the room, her thoughts clearly driving her crazy.

"I need some time away," Emily suddenly declared, catching Hanna off guard. "Whether it be a day or a week. I just– I _need_ to get away from here." Emily rambles as she continues to pace. Hanna feels deeply for the brunette; before, she thought that a shoulder to cry on would be enough, but she now realizes that Emily needs much deeper mending. She simply settles on giving the brunette a hug that will – _hopefully_ – get her point across to Emily, vowing to support her friend in any way she can.

"I'll let Spence and Aria know," Hanna quietly states as she hugs Emily tighter than ever before, not knowing how long her best friend will be away for. Emily relaxes into the embrace as she hugs Hanna back.

They both eventually pull away, only to have Emily softly grab for Hanna's hand and, as she does so, she lightly smiles and says, "Thanks for being there for me, Han."

"Please, I'll be here for you no matter what. Even if it's girl trouble or you're burning up with an actual fever." Hanna genuinely smiled at the brunette who reciprocated the gesture before staring at her feet.

"I'll leave you to pack. Let me know when you make it to your destination so I know you're okay." Hanna let go of Emily's hand and made her way over to the front door where she paused before exiting.

"Remember what I said while you're gone _. She loves you_." Hanna flashed a small smile before turning the doorknob and exiting the apartment. Emily takes a moment to collect herself as she stands up and heads to the kitchen bar. She grabs her phone off of the surface and types out a quick message to her clients that she'll be away for personal reasons and won't be back for a week.

After sending a few texts, she heads into her bedroom and fumbles around in the closet until she finds an overnight bag; a particular bag that had been given to her by her mother a few years back. She pulls the bag out of her closet and sits it on the bed, examining it before beginning to pack. " _FIELDS_ " is engraved in the silver plate that is attached to the camouflage pattern. Her fingers gently trace over the letters, almost as if she's trying to recollect every moment she's ever had. She wonders what her father would tell her about the whole situation she's in; would he tell her to go for it or leave it be? Whatever makes his daughter happy, _right_? Emily shakes her head to rid herself of these thoughts; this is the last thing she should be thinking about. She heads back into her closet and grabs a few hoodies and sweatpants along with other personal items and the essentials. Once she's packed what she needs, Emily walks over to her bed to begin folding the rest of her clothes to pack them for her trip to Texas; she's wanted to visit her mother for a while and now seems like the best time. When she finishes packing what she needs, Emily fastens the bag over her shoulder and starts to head out of the room, but she stops in front of the mirror. Turning around and facing her reflection, she eyes herself in the glass as if she's having an internal battle with who she really is: the person in the mirror or the person the person she wants to be. She takes her appearance in: slightly disheveled hair, visibly dark bags underneath her eyes, and somewhat paled skin. Her natural glow was replaced with physical stress and she wasn't the bright Emily that everyone knew and loved. _People must think I'm sick_ , she thought. Clearing her throat and backing away from the mirror, she walked out of her bedroom and through the front door where she took one last glance at her apartment – _or cage_ , as of late – before turning and shutting the door completely. Although a one way ticket to Texas was a little pricey, she _needed_ this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading!

_Eremophobia- Fear of loneliness, fear of being alone._

* * *

Alison sat in her empty classroom, legs crossed while briskly tapping a pen on the surface of her desk; her thoughts were beginning to rapidly consume her whilst attempting to grade papers. Topic of the day: Emily – as always. It had been quite a few days since she had last seen Emily and whenever she would call or text her, their conversations would be cut short. Every time Alison asked Emily what's going on, the brunette would simply dodge the question by making up some excuse that Alison knew was a blatant lie however she never questioned Emily on it – she knew how stubborn her mermaid was. Although it bothered her that Emily was being so quiet and distant, she decided to give the brunette her own space to sort out whatever's going on. _Just not too much space,_ she reminded herself.

It's been hell ever since Emily went silent; she didn't even know what happened to make the brunette fall off the radar. All she knew is that Emily wasn't the same Emily and that worried the blonde greatly. The mere thought of losing the brunette in any way, shape, or form killed her, but she hasn't lost her… right?

Deciding she's had enough, Alison gives it another go and calls Emily, not really sure of what to expect this time but, then again, she knows it'll probably be a one-sided conversation.

The phone rings three times before going to voice mail: "Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. I'm probably busy, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can." Her voice, God, her voice, Alison thinks to herself; she's missed hearing that bright, cheery voice. Lost for a moment in her thoughts, she hears her phone ring with the signal that she's received a text from someone. Looking at her screen, she sees a message from Emily:

_"Hey sorry I couldn't answer, I'm just really busy right now."_

Alison sighed and shook her head. Usually it didn't matter what Emily was be doing – she could be _skydiving_ – and, if Alison called, she would still answer.

Before too many minutes passed, she typed out a reply reading, "It's fine. I just wanted to see what you were up to. That's all."

The blonde missed her mermaid so much and it wasn't just because of the lack of communication. For a while now, she's plastered a fake smile on her face in public. _I have to seem happy_ , she told herself. However, when Emily started diluting their conversations to almost nothing, Alison seemed to become more attached while growing concerned for the whole situation. More recently, she had started acting out towards people and it wasn't good; she's been snapping at people more than usual, no matter how much she tried to remind herself that she's not _that_ Alison anymore. Along with her most recent sharp attitude towards things, she's become detached from her own marriage. One night after a long day at school, Rollins decided to try and heat up their relationship by "trying new things," but when Alison refused, it only left Rollins to wonder what had really gotten into his wife. She didn't want to be held or touched by him; she wanted Emily – she _needed_ Emily. But what was the point of pining after someone who won't even return your calls? She couldn't get that mentality again; it's not healthy and she knows Emily wouldn't leave her like that again. She really wouldn't… right?

 _Enough is enough_ , she mentally declares as she pushes away from her desk. She has to see Emily before her anxiety completely takes over her mind. Alison grabs her purse from behind the chair and fishes out her car keys. There's only one place her feet will willingly take her and that's where she's going.

XXXXX

As Alison rushes up the stairs within the complex, her worries begin to spark and she feels as though she'll never reach her destination. Soon enough, she begins to regret making the decision to go over. What if Emily suddenly got tired of her and didn't want to see her anymore? That would make sense as to why she's been avoiding her like the damn plague, dodging her phone calls, and replying with half-assed texts. Her stomach starts to churn as she wonders if Emily has cheated on her. No, she would never do that. She's too kindhearted to do that type of thing. _What a hypocritical thought anyway_ , the blonde mused. If anything, she'll find out for herself when she opens that door.

Alison finally reaches Emily's apartment and hurriedly pulls the key out of her pocket before shoving it into the keyhole. While hastily turning the knob, mental pictures of Emily lying in bed with another girl hits her hard because, well, what if that's what she walks in on? Or worse: they're doing it on the living room floor and that's the first thing she sees. _Brace yourself_ , she thinks as she fully twists the doorknob.

_One…two…three..._

She slung the door open after what felt like an hour, hoping to prove her mind wrong, however she didn't find anything different. In fact, the apartment seemed untouched. What was set before her was a quiet, dark room lacking the usual faint scent of Emily's perfume.

"Em?" Alison called out. No response. The apartment was completely silent, almost like the outside air after a fresh snowfall. _Maybe she's in her room_ , Alison thought as she shut the door behind her. Walking through the room, she sets her purse down on the coffee table before going down the short hall towards Emily's bedroom. The door's closed and Alison gets hit with that sick feeling in her stomach again. _Why the hell is everything so quiet?_ She opens the bedroom door, expecting the worst, but, again, there's no one in sight and it seems even more silent. The blonde looks around the room, feeling smaller and emptier than before. Emily's essentials are gone, the bed looks like it hasn't been slept in for days, and there are a few shirts lying on top of the covers.

"Where are you, Em?" Alison whispers to herself. She walks over to the closet and turns the light on, noticing that a huge chunk of the brunette's clothes are missing. It looks like Emily just up and left; like she just up and left without telling her; like she just up and left _without_ her. Her hands start to tremble as her bottom lip quivers ever so slightly. Why is Emily doing this? Where is she? Alison takes a deep breath; she doesn't dare let her emotions get the best of her. Not here, at least – not right now. Currently, the most threatening thought is that there's a slight possibility that Emily's left her again. Possibly, for good this time. Quickly, her worries and sadness morph into anger. When she sees that brunette again, she's in for it. Alison storms out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her and, on her way out, she grabs her purse. If there's anyone who knows where the hell Emily is, it's Hanna.

XXXXX

Alison hurriedly jumps out of her car and heads for the stairwell. She swears, if anything kills her today, it'll be these stairs. Though having fewer stairs than Emily's apartment complex, there's still too many. Taking two at a time, she finally makes her way to the other blonde's front door. Immediately, she starts knocking quickly with a heavy hand. Truthfully, she didn't care how hard she was hitting the door. While knocking, her heart sinks a little at the thought of Emily. If it were any other person, she would be belligerent towards the situation but, no, it's Emily and even though she should be angry, she can't help but to be extremely upset. She had waited so long for the brunette to come and sweep her up off of her feet and take her away from everything but, instead, she had left her and _never once_ did she turn back until years later. _Years_ , Alison shook her head. If Emily _did_ leave her again because she was tired of her or worse – she found someone else – she won't know how she should feel. Should she be hurt? Sad? Angry? A combination? _Or_ would she feel nothing because she's been hurt too many times to count by the brunette? She doesn't know if she could feel anything at all, even if she tried. Yeah, she knows she's had her share of fuck ups in the past. _More than my share of fuck ups_ , she looked towards the floor. Alison feels her eyes fill with tears before quickly blinking them away; she doesn't want Hanna knowing how destroyed she is over Emily, and _God_ , does she not want Emily to know. Once she thinks it's no use to knock on the door another time, it finally opens and reveals a very stunned Hanna.

"Alison? What are you doing here?" Hanna inquires, rather confused by the random visit from Alison although she had been partly wondering if she'd show up.

"Can I come in?" Alison asks with a sore throat. Hanna nods, moving to the side and allowing the other blonde to pass through the doorway. Alison enters the medium sized apartment, eyes taking in the classy yet modern style. If there's one thing Alison would admit about Hanna, it's that she has great taste.

"So…" Hanna drags the word out before asking, "What's up?" Alison turns towards her, restraining herself from lashing out; she refused to take her feelings out on anyone else. It was nobody's fault but her own that Emily ran off.

"I need to know what the hell is going on with Emily," Alison's voice shakes slightly. Hanna's soft smile from before drops with her head doing the same.

"I figured you'd be here sooner or later," she confessed. "Em left a few nights ago to visit her mom in Texas." Hanna answers, never meeting Alison's eyes. She feels her heart tearing apart rapidly. So that's why Emily left: to go be with her mother and get out of this town. _She didn't even worry about telling me_ , Alison thinks to herself.

"Ali –" Hanna tries to speak again before being cut off.

"Why did she leave?" Alison's voice trembles.

"I just told you. She went –"

"No. _Why_ did she leave?" Alison asks again and Hanna looks down at the floor, slightly uncomfortable.

"That's not my story tell." Hanna meekly responds when she looks back at the other girl. Alison shakily exhales and looks up towards the ceiling to prevent any tears from tracing down her face. Hanna notices and feels sorry for Alison. She had never seen the other blonde in such a state of sadness and definitely not over another person. She had known that Emily loved Alison but she didn't know Alison was capable of reciprocating that love. Not entirely in a bad way, but in the sense that Emily had so much love to give and Hanna always assumed Alison couldn't return all of it.

"Listen... Em needs this. Whether you think she does or not, she needs it. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's been stressed and I don't mean a little stressed. Looking back, I've never seen her this torn up about something, Alison," Hanna explains, trying not to sound too harsh. "I tried to help but I couldn't. This is something she needs to figure out on her own," Hanna reassures. In response, Alison purses her lips and closes her eyes before looking towards the ground. It's her fault that Emily's been distant towards her. Everything is her fault. Nothing ever goes her way. It's always been like this – and it probably always will be.

"Because of me." Alison gently states rather than asks, her voice breaking mid-sentence. Hanna doesn't respond. In fact, she just looks down and fiddles with her fingers. Emily had officially gotten tired of Alison and her games – same as always. It never fails. She always messes up at some point and it's always been like that. Growing up, she had the worst life a teenager could possibly have and, sadly, she's still living that life however she's much better at hiding it this time. It's not even different; she fucks up just as much. The only slight difference is that she fucks up in adult situations now. She wishes that she didn't hide things – at least not from Emily; the only person who really mattered. Alison had lead herself to believe that their relationship was fine. Maybe not entirely healthy under the circumstances, but she wanted to believe that it was fine. It was the only thing in her life that wasn't based upon lies. What she and Rollins have – _had_ – is just a temporary filler for the dark hole in her heart that was eventually filled by the only person who was meant to fill it. _But_ , she realizes, _good things must come to an end at some point, right?_ They always do. Nothing ever ends well.

"Ali?" Hanna calls her name, breaking her out of every bad thought. With these thoughts breaking down every barrier inside her mind, her emotions start to show and her eyes begin to water more and more. Hanna reaches out to touch her shoulder but Alison backs away; she doesn't want to break down right there – she won't allow herself to. Alison sniffles as she breathes in heavily, shaking her head and plastering another fake smile onto her face.

"I'm fine, Han," she quickly assures. "I should get home. Rollins is probably wondering where I am." Alison shakes her head as she looks around one last time before speed-walking out of the room.

"Alison, wait!" Hanna scrambles after her, catching her by the sleeve and stopping the other blonde before she got too far. In Alison's mind, she's panicking; she has to leave before she falls apart in front of someone who won't be able to put her back together.

"I know things between you and Em are confusing and messed up right now, but just remember… _you love her_ ," Hanna reminded with a new kind of support. "I've never seen you look at someone with such genuine eyes until you and Em started seeing each other. Even when you didn't think I knew, I always saw how softer you became when she's with you. I know you love her." Hanna's genuine care for Alison is what makes her fully turn around to face her friend. Hanna gives her a sympathetic smile before brushing a strand of hair out of Alison's eyes.

"And I know she loves you too." Hanna states before smiling again. Alison returns a slight smile but shakes her head in disagreement.

"Then she wouldn't have left me." And with that, before Hanna could react, Alison quickly turns and runs down the stairs before her silent sobs become louder.

XXX

After sitting in front of Hanna's apartment for what felt like hours, Alison decided to head back home; the only place she felt most comfortable – Emily's apartment; the only place she considers to be home now-a-days. Alison trudges up the complex's stairs and walks towards Emily's door in what feels like slow motion, a solemn expression resting on her face. She mentally scolds herself for almost breaking down in front of Hanna. It was like... everything that had anything to do with Emily just broke her into pieces. Pieces of pieces, actually.

Alison pulls the apartment key out of her pocket and slowly plunges it into the doorknob, nearly missing the keyhole initially. She takes a deep breath and turns it ever so slightly, as if she's expecting to walk in on something different this time. Maybe a certain person would be lounging on the sofa watching a movie of some sort. Or maybe she'll be lingering in the small kitchen where she would be trying to cook something but, with her cooking skills, she settles on something microwaveable after cursing a hundred times.

She finally opens the door and enters the dimly lit, empty room, letting a soft sigh escape her lips. The blonde steps into the small space at the entrance of Emily's apartment and shuts the door behind her. She looks around, again finding no trace of her mermaid, and thinks there won't be any trace of the brunette there ever again as long as she's still around. _Maybe she's gone for good_ , the blonde thinks. Alison lets her eyes roam around the entire room, thinking she can relate to the near-bare space. The emptiness of the room feels just like the current emptiness in her heart that's slowly taking over her existence. Her eyes set on the closed door down the hall way – Emily's room – the one that she's spent countless nights in to get away from her worries – to feel at _peace_ – because she craves being embraced by the brunette, to feel the comfort that no other person could ever provide her, to lay in the midst of strong, protective arms, not allowing anyone or anything to snatch her away. The blonde feels a tightening in her chest again and the tears welling in her eyes. Shaking her head, she inhales sharply and heads for the bedroom.

When Alison opens the door, she sees that the bed is made up the same way as earlier, not that she expected it to change. She tosses her purse down beside the brunette's bed while kicking off her heels. Her phone vibrates, causing her to quickly scramble in order to check and see who messaged, only to be let down when she sees a simple spam message from some online sale happening. Sighing, which she seemed to be doing a lot of today, she sets the phone down on the bedside table. The whole day had started to take a toll on her; starting with waking up at five-thirty in the morning to get ready for school and stressing over Emily from the get-go. She swears, if the person putting her through hell wasn't the girl she had loved since she was a young teenager, she would have been done with the whole situation three hours ago. Really, she probably wouldn't have even bothered in the first place. If it wasn't Emily, she would have ignored the whole ordeal and gone home to _him_. Currently – actually, 90% of the time – the mere thought of Elliot made her want to vomit. His "worrying," as he likes to call it, over Alison for not only her "safety," but the "safety" of their "relationship," stressed her out more than anything. He seems to be more of a father figure than her own _dad_ ever was. He wasn't always that way, however. In fact, if he had been, she would have never even granted him the time of day, much less a date and marriage. Over time, he's morphed into a domestic Dr. Phil. Every time they talk, it's like he's interrogating her; like he's attempting to get inside her mind and unleash all the demons running around.

" _How do you feel today?" Rollins asks. He notices his wife's tense body while he slides into the booth's seat across from her. They're at The Grille for what feels like the umpteenth time this week. It was a simple night out on the town. Soft music was playing in the background as they waited for their waiter and the blonde stared out the window next to their table. Alison was tired – more so than usual. Rollins and she had another argument over something so little and, frankly, she still wanted to strangle him – even hours after. He thought they had mended their relationship back together but, needless to say, the countless marriage counseling sessions did nothing for them. If anything, it soured their relationship even more. He was going back to his old habits meaning that everything always ended up with him trying to read her mind. A simple conversation such as discussing the forecast would lead to him asking if everything was okay. He would constantly offer to help her out with whatever's bothering her, even when she insisted she was fine. And that's just it: she really was fine until he tried to extract any and every thought from her mind._

_"I'm fine," she answers monotonously. Rollins looks her over, examining her facial expression as if he was actually expecting her to spill her guts._

_"I meant mentally, Ali. How are you doing?" He tries again, taking her hand in his and rubbing his thumb ever so gently across the back of her hand. She takes her hand away from his and pretends to cough but, really, she hates the feeling she gets when he rubs his thumb across her hand; it feels forced._

_"Like I said... I'm fine." But she's not. She's far from fine. The lack of seeing her mermaid tonight put an even bigger damper on her mood. Instead, she's eating out at the quietest restaurant in town with the guy she despises at the moment: her husband. Ironic, isn't it?_

_He sits up a little straighter as he responds to her lack of presence in the conversation. "Your tone states differently."_

_"Elliot –"_

_"– Alison, please. You can talk to me. I'm your husband. We do these things... communicate, understand, listen, interact... We need this. So please just try. For me?" Rollins adds with hopeful eyes. Alison refrains from rolling her own eyes while he's looking back at her. She knows that, after all this time, appearance isn't what counts – it's the love – but with Rollins, she just can't bring herself to fall back in love with him. She'll always love him but it will never be in the way he wants. He isn't the same man he was back then and, if she's being honest with herself, he was only a cover up for the person she actually loved._

_"Maybe if you actually acted more like a husband," she stressed the word, "we wouldn't have these problems." She connects her eyes with his, allowing no hesitation into her voice. His jaw clenches as he tries to keep composed. There's no use in arguing again since it leads to nothing but unwanted stress, exhaustion, and eventual hatred._

_"Can we please not do this here?" Alison shoots him a look since he's the one who even started the damn conversation. "I'd love to enjoy this night here with you but that's only if you can do your part as well." Rollins slightly bites back. He's doing it again: trying to control their relationship and take it into his own hands. Same as always. Alison crosses her arms and hugs her body tightly, looking back out the window. Upon seeing her body language, Rollins realizes his mistake and backs away from the table as far as the booth will let him. He moves his hand to his head to massage the temple with his thumb while pushing his pointer finger above his eye; he knows what he's doing and hates it just the same as Alison does._

_"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to –"_

_"Stop, Elliot. Just stop," Alison interrupts with a wave of her hand._

_"Ali, I'm sorry," Rollins apologizes, a deep sincerity in his voice._

_Alison chuckles darkly, "As you've said for the millionth time today." Rollins lowers his head in shame and sighs. They've both had a hell of a day but nothing compares to the pain in both of their chests – both for different reasons._

Alison snaps herself back into reality and out of her flashback of a night that ended on a bad note, like most. She shakes her head, suddenly feeling the need to wash away the day and let everything be sucked down the drain. _One mess after another_ , she thinks. The blonde makes her way over to the room's attached bathroom and walks in. She flips the light switch on which illuminates the whole room with a pale yellow-ish tone. After her day, all she wants to do is just relax – nothing more, nothing less. Maybe a few glasses of wine could get her mind off of the brunette that lingered so dangerously in her head.

Alison stepped into the shower after pulling all of her clothes off. The warm water rapidly covered her skin, turning it a light pink against the pale tone of her body. She grabbed for her own shampoo; one of Emily's favorite scents. _Damn it_. Why does her mind keep wandering off to Emily? She should be livid with the brunette. She should be plotting some type of revenge. But she can't – she just _can't_. It's breaking her and tearing her to pieces…and she's not so sure that she'll ever be able to be put back together. _How could she just up and leave me? How am I so easy to leave? It's like I meant nothing to her. The least I could've gotten was a phone call from her telling me she's taking off. I would've went with her. Where she goes, I follow._ The last thought hits her hard and she bursts into hot tears that flow heavily down her face, mixing in with the warm water that rolls over her body. She _thought_ she could bottle everything up; she thought she could but she's too weak, especially when it comes to Emily, who she can't seem to get over – not for the last… how many years? _God_. Emptiness begins to take over completely whenever she now thinks of Emily. How could one girl make her go so crazy? Alison slams her fist into the wall as she slides down into the tub, curling into a ball and holding her legs close to her chest. Her tears won't stop; her tears will never stop as long as Emily has a hold of her like this. The blonde chokes on her sobs, and now that she's alone, she lets it all out. Because it's healthy, right? You're supposed to do that when things get too hard, _right_?

She sits in the tub for what feels like forever until she decides to get up and get dressed. Alison steps out of the shower, examining herself in the large mirror that was hung in front of her. She looked like a mess – a mess that was damaged and can only be fixed by one person. She scrunched her nose as she examined her wrinkled fingertips, wondering how long she was in the shower. After drying herself off with a towel, she padded back into Emily's room and over to her closet. Her favorite shirt was still hanging up and she didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. Alison grabbed it off of the hanger and tugged it on over her shoulders, realizing that Emily had probably left it because she didn't want to be reminded of the blonde.

 _"Why are you doing this?"_ Alison whispers to herself as she feels a stray tear journey down her face. She tries her best to stop the tears. It somewhat works, surprisingly. The blonde grabs her phone off of the bedside table with a blanket from Emily's bed – her _favorite_ blanket that they've shared many nights before, happily tangled up. The blanket's appearance alone almost forces tears back into her eyes. She finds herself being reminded that Emily left because of _her_ ; she's the reason why Emily ran away. But why does she suddenly want to put the blame on Emily? Why does she want to hate her? She wants to but, _God_ , she never could no matter how hard she tried. She could never do it.

Alison pushes herself towards the living room so she won't be reminded of Emily as much. Soon enough, however, she's proven wrong as she sits on the couch and her mind flashes back to that much unexpected visit from Hanna.

_"Em." Alison moans as she feels Emily's teeth grazing lightly against her pulse. After hearing the blonde's reaction and internally catching fire, Emily moves her hand and slowly slides it down Alison's side until she reaches the hem of the girl's shirt._

_"Please... take it off." Alison struggles to breathe out as she tries to calm herself down a bit. Emily reacts in no time and helps Alison remove the thin shirt, tossing it onto the ground as she leans back in and catches Alison's lips with her own. Emily presses little kisses from her jawline to her ear, loving the feeling of the blonde practically shuddering underneath her touch. She makes her way down Alison's torso, wanting more – needing more._

_Out of habit, she looks up towards Alison and sees her eyes closed, pleasure written across her features. Emily gently chews on her lip as she slowly unbuckles Alison's belt, completely loosening it from the denim loops. Wanting to tease the blonde a little more, Emily climbs back up her body tortuously slow, letting the tip of her tongue drag up Alison's stomach. "How bad do you want me?" She whispered seductively into Alison's ear; her warm breath tickling the blonde's skin and sending signals all over her body – in all the right places._

_"Emily, please." Alison whimpered in response to the littlest amount of contact._

She'd kill to be like that with Emily again – she needs her and she hates to admit it. Not necessarily in a sexual manner; she just knows that she _needs_ her. The blonde can't function without the brunette. She has experienced being without Emily before and it left her hurt and betrayed. Alison shakes her head. She has to stop being so hung up on the trainer. Anybody who holds the ability to look into her mind would think she's obsessive over the brunette. Maybe that's what love does to you – it makes you feel like you can't breathe without that other person and you're suffocating without them. _If only I meant as much to her as she did to me._

Alison sinks further into the couch, grabbing the remote and turning the television on, not that there's anything she's interested in watching right now, anyway. She wonders what the brunette is doing right now. The blonde wants to give her another call but she also wants to wait and see if Emily will be the one to contact her first. The least she could do is let Alison know that she's okay. Or maybe she just doesn't give a damn anymore; maybe she's moved on and is trying to forget it all. And, _maybe_ , Alison doesn't blame her. With Emily's personality and looks, she could have anyone she wants. Not in the conceited way, of course. Alison's always been a little jealous of that; the brunette could go out and have twenty girls fawning over her like they've never seen someone who looked so beautiful. She's a goddess in Alison's eyes – the hair, perfect smile, charm... she has it all and Alison loves that, but she also loves Emily's heart the most; it's practically made out of gold. Admiration, compassion, honesty, and loyalty – that's what their relationship was based upon; something her and Rollins could never achieve again. Only Emily could give her that, and _by God_ , Emily was the only one that she wanted.

Why does life have to be so fucked up? At what point did she fuck up so much to where her relationship turned completely upside down? Her eyes begin to water for the tenth time tonight and soon they're flowing straight down her cheeks. When has she ever cried this much over someone? Since Emily, it's _always_ been her and she swears it always will be.

Her phone chimes with her incoming message tone. She fumbles around in the blanket that she's covered with, finally locating her phone. A part of her hopes that it's Emily and then again she doesn't. Why would the brunette wait so long to get in touch? Looking at the screen and, instead of it being someone she actually was hoping to hear from, it's Rollins. The text read:

" _Hey, babe. I'm gonna be out for a little bit tonight. Don't wait up. Love you."_

 _God, he even texts like a dad_ , she grimaces. Will he ever get the hint that she doesn't care what he does? She's given him plenty of hints that she doesn't care to keep tabs on him, but he just doesn't understand. He sickens her. She's tired of him trying to control her life. If only she had ended things when they hit their rough patch, everything would've been so much easier for her. She would've left to be with Emily and they'd finally be happy. None of this would be happening. But instead she let Rollins persuade her to stay and she decided to give it another go. Rough patches are good, she thought. They can improve relationships, right? Boy, was that the biggest mistake of her life: giving their marriage another chance. But it's her fault that things are this way. She said yes and agreed to attend marriage counseling, thinking it would fix everything. Now, all she wants is to have the brunette all to herself; all she wants is her first real love who, yeah, left her. Too bad she can't have her. _Shit_. As much as she despises Rollins, he was once good to her and, at one point, she thought she truly loved him but that isn't her anymore. However, she hates doing this to him – he doesn't deserve it. She hates to admit that he deserves better than her but he does; he deserves to be with a woman who truly loves him for who he is and not just because she ran out of options and was blinded by a simple smile. Admittedly, she's a shitty person. Never in her life has she met anyone who treats people the way she does. Only the _DiLaurentis_ family does that and she guesses she'll never grew out of that trait. Why did Emily have to fall in love with her? How did such a sweet, loving, caring girl fall in love with the Devil's daughter? But she can't deny it: she fell in love with that other girl despite their polar opposite personalities. Emily brought out the best in Alison. She made her want to be a better person and, luckily, she did. Aside from the tiny fact that she's cheating on her husband, she likes to think she's changed for the better. How the hell did Emily get this strong of a hold on her? Everyone has always viewed the blonde as a ruthless girl since her teenage years... but Emily? Alison could flash cold daggers towards her mermaid and she'd still smile back. _But why? I'm a monster_ , she thinks.

Alison's anger abruptly turns to heavy sadness as she begins to feel weak. Her emotions have been off the charts today and now it's all finally hitting her; the actuality of everything is hitting her like a freight train. The tears start treading down her cheeks once again and her sobs get louder and louder by the second. She starts choking on her breath as she tries to control herself but fails. Everything is taking a toll on her and now it's finally ripping her apart, starting from the inside. Trying to inhale in order to steady her breathing, she chokes on a sob and is forced into a coughing fit. She never asked for this – _none_ of it. Who would've thought that loving someone was this hard yet felt so good at the same time? She pulls her knees into her chest as she bawls. This time, she doesn't hold back. The sobs come one after another as she nuzzles her way further into the couch. She can't deal with it anymore as she thinks about Emily leaving her _. I'm broken_ _too_ , she cries as her head pounds. Eventually, she gets lost in her crying state and sobs herself to sleep with the one constant thing on her mind: Emily Fields, the girl she'd go to hell and back for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many of y'all cried this chapter? Lol


	6. Chapter 6

_Chronophobia- Fear of time._

* * *

It's an early Saturday morning back in Rosewood, a place she had been dreading to return to. Over the last few days, she tried to formulate various excuses as to why she couldn't come back and what she would tell everyone, but she knew she had to return. She couldn't keep her clients waiting any longer than they already had and after some long talks with her mother, she decided that she would have to face Alison soon and, _fuck_ , she wasn't ready for that one bit.

Emily steers herself in the direction of her apartment and down the hallway. She thinks about how she can finally sleep in her own bed without her mother asking if she needs anything. Being babied by her mother brought back old times – save the feeling of being tormented – but when she tried to tiptoe around the situation of "a friend that was dating someone who was married," her mother instantly went into a ten-hour lecture about how cheating wasn't morally correct, no matter what the case was. _I'm surprised she didn't take the time to create a slide show_ , Emily had mused to herself. However, in the end, she declared that love is love and nothing should get in the way of that. It had helped her somewhat; she wasn't scared of telling Alison how she felt anymore, but she still wanted to postpone the entire talk for a few more weeks. Well, not that she really _could_ , but she can hope, right?

When the brunette finally makes it to her door, she feels the sense of dread coming back; she dreads returning home even though she'll be in the comfort of her own space and have her own time to think things over. But, then again, she's still reminded of the good and bad memories she had prior to leaving. Loving Alison came at a price: she was able to have her during the day but, at night, the blonde was, _usually_ , in the rough arms of a man. The only thing that kept her bound to the blonde was love – pure love – and, if she didn't have much of that, then she would have been long gone.

Sighing, she flips though the keys on her key chain until she finds the correct one to open up her apartment. Eventually, she finally finds the key and sticks into the doorknob. She takes a deep breath and turns the knob, pushing the door open before reaching back down to grab her bag. _Home sweet home._

Before entering any further than the doorway, a fresh scent lingers in the air: her favorite perfume that Alison always wore accompanied by the faint smell of her shampoo that Emily fell in love with. She seems to get lost in her senses until her eyes zero in on the body that's laid across her couch. The girl's face is hard to see by all the blonde hair covering her features but she instantly knows it's Alison. Emily didn't expect to see her so soon... or _at all_ , if she's being honest; she pictured Alison ignoring her forever because, well, she _did_ leave without saying goodbye. _Shit_ , she thinks. All she wanted to do was catch up on a little bit of sleep before speaking with the blonde. At least then she could come up with a good explanation. Then again, what exactly would she say? What _could_ she say? _Hey, I'm sorry I left you with no warning or goodbye but... how have you been?_ _God damn it_. She's not ready for this discussion, she's not ready to see the blonde so soon, and she doesn't think she can handle what the other girl is about to throw at her. If she knows one major fact about Alison, it's that the blonde doesn't hold back on someone when she unleashes all hell on them, especially when they practically drop her out of complete nowhere. _I'm probably dead in her mind_ , she sighs, _but why is she even here?_

Emily takes a few short, silent steps into the living room, placing her luggage by the door before gently closing it. From where she was standing, the blonde looked peaceful; she was wearing one of Emily's larger shirts which was always one of her favorites that Emily owned, snuggled up in the blanket that they always shared whenever she got the chance to stay over. Not wanting to wake her, Emily slowly shuffles towards the couch, not daring to make a sound, until she's practically standing over her. She kneels down in front of Alison, brushing the hair out of the blonde's face to reveal her features. Her eyes were red, sunken in, and puffy – almost like she had cried herself to sleep the night before. Emily stared at her closely, noting how her nose also had a red tint to it and her soft hands were clutching at the blanket, most likely due to having a nightmare sometime during the night. _Probably involving me_ , she sighs again. Emily backs away slightly, turning around and sitting in front of the couch beside Alison's head, folding her own arms so she can rest for a bit. Sadly, she has a small kink in her neck from sleeping uncomfortably last night, so she turns her head away from Alison in order to get comfier. Instead of resting easily, Emily's mind starts to race again with anxious thoughts. _What is she going to do when she wakes up? How is she going to react? Is she done with m–_

"Are you happy you were able to leave without saying goodbye?" Alison whispers in a raspy voice, though she wasn't exactly asleep in the first place. Emily shuts her eyes tightly, burrowing her face into her arms even further. _Of course she wasn't really sleeping_. The brunette turns her head to look at Alison, expecting to see an extremely livid blonde, but there's nothing more than an empty expression settled upon her face – it almost looked like Alison felt betrayed. _Did she think that?_

"I needed to get away from here for a little bit. I went to visit my mom." Emily mirrors the exact same facial expression as Alison. "I had to leave this town. If not, I would've been even more –" Emily stops talking when she sees the blonde shaking her head as she tries to explain why she left. The brunette lets out a dark chuckle. She's tired of people never letting her explain herself; it's getting old.

"Why won't you listen to me?" Emily's voice cracks in the midst of asking the question. Alison sits up straight, running a hand through her hair. She's pissed and Emily knows it.

"Clearly I'm easy to walk away from." Alison looks at Emily before gathering up the blanket and pushing it into the corner of the couch. The blonde gets up and walks past Emily, ready to gather her things from the night before and leave. She doesn't want to see Emily so soon.

"This has nothing to do with you being easy to walk away from, Alison," Emily replies from where she now stood by the couch. Clearly the response struck a nerve and Emily can tell because, suddenly, the blonde stops in her tracks and quickly turns around.

Moving her hands rapidly in exasperation, she fires back, "I waited to hear from you. At first I thought you were just busy and then I thought something bad had happened. I figured I would hear from you once you found the time or once you wanted to talk to me but, nope, nothing," she finishes with an exaggerated shrug. Emily purses her lips; she doesn't want to fight. She's tired of it.

"I just told you... I needed to get away for a bit so I went to see my m–" Emily almost starts to ramble before being cut off by Alison who lets out a frustrated half screech-half groan to stop the other girl from repeating herself.

"I'm not talking about this week, Emily!" She's ready to pull her hair out. Emily tilts her head to the side, finally realizing what Alison is talking about. Suddenly she's not liking the topic at all – not that she really liked it to begin with. The brunette shakes her head angrily and looks towards the door. _If only I had come back tomorrow_. Alison's blue eyes pierce right through Emily while she looks anywhere but back at the blonde.

"You left me," emphasizing every word, she angrily whispers, "like I was nothing to you." At that, Emily snaps her head back towards Alison with new-found disbelief.

"Are you kidding me?! You broke my fucking heart, Alison!"

"And you broke _mine_ ," the pissed off blonde fires back. "Why didn't you stay? You say it was because of what happened but I could have helped you!"

"I had to leave," Emily nearly shouts. "I kept coming back to you for years. Almost like a sick puppy," Emily gives herself a disgusted look before looking back at Alison. "I had to leave, Alison. I needed to recollect myself because I was a complete disaster once everything was said and done." The brunette lets out a chuckle before continuing, "And you didn't want me like I wanted you so there was no reason for me to stay in Rosewood." Before Emily could even finish her sentence, Alison was moving towards her, inches away from her face with a ferocity that Emily has never seen directed towards her.

"You're right," the blonde states curtly with a verbal bite. "I didn't just want you. I fucking _needed_ you. I needed you and you left because… why?" She pauses. "Because you didn't have the patience to wait around until I realized it," she finishes, daring Emily to deny it. When the brunette slightly glares at her while shifting her jaw, Alison continues with a softer yet still serious tone, "I needed you then, and I _still_ need you."

Emily's eyes begin to water at the confession. In return, Alison notices Emily's teary eyes and wipes away the tears while still wearing a rough expression. As the blonde begins to brush the tears from Emily's cheeks, the brunette begins to break more, eventually breaking Alison in the process and forcing her to pull Emily down to the floor in order to hold her. When Emily allows herself to cry, Alison wraps her arms tightly around the other girl, her own tears falling in the process. Emily lifts her head to look at Alison and is stunned to see the blonde crying as well, but she hides her shock and returns the favor of wiping her tears.

"Even though I left to get away from everything, I couldn't leave it all behind as much as I thought I could," she admits. Everything always seemed to lead back to Alison; whatever crossed her mind, she would incorporate the blonde into the mix. While she didn't want to have the other girl on her mind, she couldn't help but to want her there at the same time. Leaving Alison behind had torn her to pieces. She didn't think she could do it but she did and, maybe this time, their relationship can become a little stronger.

"What does that mean for us?" Alison asks in a quiet voice, afraid to know the answer, but she knows she needs one or it will endlessly eat away at her. Truthfully, Emily is shocked by the fact that Alison would even ask that question. She knows that the blonde cares and loves her, but Alison's voice holds an emotion much deeper than she ever really knew existed. After a few seconds, Emily looks at her, realizing that she's broken just as much as the blonde is and the mere thought of their relationship coming to an end kills her.

"I don't– I don't know," Emily speaks in a low voice. Alison inhales as she looks up towards the ceiling, silently praying to any – and every – person in higher power to _please_ give her this chance to make things right. Her life is already fucked up enough as it is – she can't lose Emily too.

"Can I ask you something?" Alison inquires in a rough voice. It kills Emily to know that the girl that she's always loved sounds so hoarse due to her actions. She doesn't trust her own voice, so she settles for a nod.

Alison takes it as a signal to keep going, "Am I the reason you're broken so badly?" Emily hears the hurt in Alison's voice and immediately pulls away to take her hands in her own, gently caressing them.

"No, you're the reason I don't mind being broken so badly," Emily honestly replies. She watches the blonde's eyes tear up once again.

"I'm so, so sorry for this, Em," Alison apologizes.

Emily shakes her head, "No, please. Please, don't apologize." Alison pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth to stop it from quivering.

"I just want to be able to get up one day and… leave. With you by my side," Alison confesses through her tears. "I was so close to leaving him before," she continues with a hint of anger. "I wish I would've cut all ties with him but people said we looked happy. They were proud that we worked through our rough patch... but not me. I wasn't," Alison pauses to catch her breath. "I just want to be able to come home to you," her voice ends in a mere whisper. Emily finally understands things between them now. Though it's still a little hard, she thinks they can work through it – even with Rollins in the picture, as much as she hates to admit it. She finally sees the sincerity in Alison after she had doubted her for so long and, really, she feels bad for it. Alison has been genuine towards her yet the brunette has been so blind to everything that she never realized what she really has.

Emily looks up at Alison who is looking down at her. "I want to make this right, if you'll let me," Emily says, leaning up and placing a soft kiss on Alison's nose.

"Me too," Alison softly responds with a smile gracing her face. The brunette gently chews on her bottom lip before, once again, leaning up and pressing a kiss to Alison's lips. Soon enough, Alison kisses her back as it turns more passionate and Emily slips her arm around Alison's back. Eventually, the blonde lets out a grunt and pulls away; she doesn't want to go too fast, which sounds crazy since they've been _there_ many times. Emily retracts as well, returning to her original position.

"What do we do?" Alison questions while fiddling with her fingers. Emily sighs. What the hell can they do?

"What do you want to do?" Emily pointedly asks.

"I want things to go back to normal between us. I don't want to keep fighting," Alison admits in a regretful voice. Emily smiles back at the blonde; she wants the same and she'd go to hell and back to get it.

"I do too," she grins and looks down towards her hands.

"Where do we even start?" The blonde asks in a now stressed tone.

"Well," Emily drags out, "We could start off by telling the other girls," she finishes by grabbing Alison's hand in reassurance, expecting her to be put off by the idea.

"I could talk to someone about getting a divorce," Alison adds. They both want each other so bad it hurts, but they also have to change a few things before reaching their goal. If Alison really wants to give her all to Emily and completely prove her love, she has to change her ways. It won't be easy but she knows, with Emily by her side, she can accomplish it.

"It's your choice, Ali," Emily assures her, but why wouldn't Emily be dead set on getting rid of Elliot once and for all?

"Em, you have a say in this too. What do you think?" Alison replies. Emily can be rather silent when it comes to important things, especially regarding Elliot, otherwise she'd probably say what's on her mind, which isn't exactly all that great in certain situations.

"Alison, I'm not going to convince you to do anything. I think that you should do whatever makes you happy. Not me. You deserve to have a little bit of happiness in your life. Don't you think?" Emily ends with a genuine smile. The brunette means it; she wants what's best for Alison and, if that meant the blonde would leave her for some other person, then so be it. It just means that she was never able to give Alison what she wanted.

"Me? Deserving something? What a foreign concept," Alison chuckles wryly at Emily's words.

"I mean it, Ali. You deserve what's best and I'll try my hardest to give that to you, but only if you try just as hard," Emily takes Alison's hand in her's.

"I think we can work something out then." A smile tugs on the corner of her lips, quickly turning into a full blown smile.

XXX

The pair ends up in Emily's room, laying under the blanket that Alison had slept under the previous night. It was nothing more than just basking in each other's presence, remembering what really mattered to the two: love.

Some old black and white movie was playing on Emily's television. The blonde's curled up against Emily's side, both loving the warmth they're sharing. As soon as they had hopped into bed, Emily could smell the faint hint of Alison's perfume on the sheets but didn't say anything; she wanted to enjoy the rest of the day, peacefully.

"Can we stay like this forever?" Alison whispered as she felt herself slowly drifting in and out of sleep. Emily smiled to herself. She'll always love these kind of days and silently vows that they'll have more to experience in due time.

"Whatever you want, babe," Emily kept her voice down at the same level as the blonde's, thinking that any pitch higher would disrupt the moment.

"This. This is what I want." Alison turns her head and faces Emily, still speaking in a hushed tone. Emily can't help but to smile at the blonde's words before slightly leaning down to press a slow, soft kiss on Alison's lips. She wants more, but she also wants to take it slow for a bit.

Alison hums as she pecks a short kiss on Emily's nose followed by returning back to her spot against the brunette's side. Emily responds by draping her arm over Alison's body, wanting this moment to last forever as well.

"Was last night the only time you stayed here?" Emily asks after a few moments of silence. She just can't shake the thought of Alison being here as soon as she walked in and the faint scent of the blonde that still lingers on her sheets makes her question it.

Alison's sighs, "Yes." She had been expecting the question.

"Why didn't you go home instead of coming here?" Emily wonders as she looks down towards the other girl.

"Because... _you_ are my home," Alison admits and Emily finally knows that they're going to work out; they have to.


	7. Chapter 7

_Chronophobia- Fear of time._

* * *

"I promise you… there will be an even bigger mess once you're done poking around in there." Alison has a smug look on her face. Emily swears she's gotten better at it, but Alison just had to see for herself. It's been awhile since they've done this so it couldn't hurt, right?

"You haven't seen what I can do as of late." The brunette struggles as she bites her lip. She hates to admit it but Alison's right; there will be a huge mess if she's not careful enough, that is, unless you count the mess that they've already created. They're both wet, well, more so drenched than anything, and it's all thanks to Alison who can't quite seem to keep her hands to herself.

"Well, now I'm even more excited to see you in action," Alison smiles down at the brunette who's exhausted and currently on her knees.

"Trust me. These muffins will turn out _way_ better than the last time I made them," Emily says as she pops up on her feet, dusting her hands off on her jeans as she does so. There are little specks of flour everywhere, water is splashed all over their clothes and hair, and the muffin batter is spread on each other's cheeks resulting from the playful banter that had ensued while attempting to whip it up.

"Maybe they will actually be edible this time, babe." Alison chuckles as she wraps her arms around Emily's neck, earning a sigh of content from the brunette. The two sway back and forth to the beat of the music that plays from Emily's living room stereo. It was soothing after the long week they had both endured.

It was nearing afternoon on a Sunday and the two couldn't be any happier than they were at the moment. Although there was the small nagging fact that they had work the next day, they chose to ignore it and live in the moment. Emily had woken up to rapid knocking on her door at nine in the morning and she would've been pretty damn aggravated if it were anyone else, but, thankfully, it was Alison and though Emily didn't show it, she was ecstatic. The blonde had come over to spend some time with Emily since they still hadn't seen each other _all_ that much; Alison claimed she'd been wanting to see more of the brunette these past couple of days but her schedule had been extremely full due to faculty meetings and school training.

"Maybe they will," Emily mumbles into the side of her girlfriend's neck.

She slowly backs Alison into the counter until there's absolutely no room between them, picking her up and sitting her on the counter. The blonde squeals, not expecting the sudden motion. She wraps her legs around Emily's waist and hangs her arms over Emily's shoulders, lightly clasping her own hands together behind the other girl's neck. She could get used to this.

"I love it when you do that," Alison whispers while looking into the brunette's eyes.

"What about..." she drawls, "This?" Emily asks as she attaches her lips to Alison's in a swift motion. Almost immediately, she pulls Alison's bottom lip into her mouth, tugging slightly. In response, a moan erupts from the blonde's lips and Emily thinks she might just pass out due to the sound that she hasn't heard in what feels like forever. _Take it slow, take it slow,_ she repeats to herself mentally.

As Emily begins to pull away, Alison places her hands on the sides of the other girl's head, pulling her back and deepening the kiss much more than before. The blonde swipes her tongue against Emily bottom lip, asking for access. She needs to feel more than simple kisses – it's been _too_ long. Emily slowly parts her lips and grants Alison access who languidly moves her tongue against the brunette's. Emily grips onto Alison's lower back harder as Alison shifts her hips against Emily.

The pair get lost in their fight for dominance, slowly melting into each other and needing to explore more than just each other's mouths. Once things begin to pick up even more, the smoke alarm starts to beep excruciatingly loud, cutting off all activities instantly. Emily quickly pulls away and sees that they're surrounded by a thick cloud of smoke and it hits her: _those damn muffins._

She races over to the stove and shuts it off, pulling the door open and seeing about half of a dozen muffins burnt to a crisp. She must have forgotten to turn the timer on – _again_. She hears Alison stifling a laugh from behind her and she can't believe herself. The last time she made muffins, they actually turned out decent but, this time she failed – _again_.

"Babe," Alison pauses to laugh, "I think you should let me handle the cooking from now on." She finishes with a snicker. The blonde grabs an oven mitt and slides it onto her hand to retrieve the muffin tray. They're so badly burnt; you wouldn't even be able to tell that they were muffins to begin with. Emily hangs her head low as she pouts while watching Alison clean up her unintentional mess.

"How about I make us some pancakes? How does that sound?" Alison suggests as she pecks a pouting Emily on the lips. Emily slowly begins to smile and nods her head. The brunette hadn't had any of Alison's pancakes in a long time and, from what she could remember, they were _orgasmic_.

XXX

"Okay," Alison says as she reads the back of the box, "I need a cup of water and a whisk." Emily quickly slides over to a drawer before sliding back to Alison with the whisk and measuring cup in hand. _Today is the day that I get these damn pancakes right or so help me,_ she internally vowed.

"You can take it from here if you want," Alison suggests to a slightly skeptical Emily, extending the whisk in her direction. The brunette smiles before taking the utensil and then switches places with Alison. The blonde stood off to the side, silently observing Emily as she whipped the batter together. She couldn't get over how adorable Emily looked: all concentrated, eyebrows furrowed enough to show off the little dimple in her forehead, with a strand of hair hanging loosely near her face. She was a goddess – _Alison's_ goddess.

"So... I only put a spoonful in right?"

 _God_ , she's so beautiful. How can someone be so gorgeous with no effort? She swears that she'll still be swooning over Emily when they're in their nineties.

"One spoonful, right, Ali?" Emily's voice finally brings her out of her thoughts. Even her voice is so damn beautiful.

Alison blushes slightly before responding, "Yeah. Just a spoonful." Emily eyes her girlfriend up and down; she notices the slight blush that's spread across her face. She takes in the blonde's appearance: she's dressed in Emily's clothes that she _somehow_ ended up with; sweats and a hoodie. Little do they know that they're both thinking about each other's looks and, needless to say, they both have the same thoughts. Alison smiles at the brunette who returns a cheesy smile, causing Alison to shake her head with a chuckle. _How did I get so lucky,_ they both silently muse. _The saying about polar opposites must be correct._

"I think that one needs to be flipped, Em," Alison playfully raises an eyebrow and points to a pancake on the stove.

XXX

Breakfast – which Emily successfully prepared with a little help from Alison – turned out to be amazing. They discussed a bunch of stuff they wanted to – _eventually_ – do: vacations, date nights, days in, etc. Whatever they could think of, they shared. It felt just like old times when they could be their selves around each other and not worry about anything else in the world.

"Thanks for the breakfast, mermaid." Alison kisses Emily on the cheek before walking into the kitchen, hands full of dishes. Emily stands up from the table and follows her girlfriend, wrapping her arms around her waist at she hums into the crook of Alison's neck.

"Thanks for being here," Emily moves Alison's hair to one side and whispers into her ear. The heat off of her breath tickles Alison, making her feel _things_ that she had been trying to refrain from feeling but, thanks to Emily, it's nearly impossible. Emily slides her hands under Alison's hoodie, rubbing small circles across her stomach as she sways back and forth with the blonde in her arms.

"How about..." Emily trails off, placing slow kisses down the back of Alison's neck, "We go for a walk down to the park. I discovered this incredible place a little bit ago and I've been wanting to show you," Emily finishes. Alison perks up at the brunette's words; Emily wanted to show something incredible specifically to _her_.

"You have to see it, Alison. It's beautiful." Emily's tone is soft but also sounds hopeful.

"Then what are we waiting for?" She quietly asks with a smile as she turns around and gently pecks Emily on the lips. Emily's smile widens at the blonde's expression. She can't wait to show her the place that's amazed her time and time again.

"Let me go pack a bag and get changed. I promise you're going to love it." Emily nearly jumps as she rushes to her bedroom, unintentionally slamming the door shut to get prepared for their day out. Alison chuckles at the brunette's enthusiasm, though she's just as excited – if not more – to go with Emily.

XXX

"I thought, when you said you were going to pack a bag, you meant like a small purse or something. Not big enough to backpack through Europe," Alison jokes as she looks at Emily who's carrying a bag that nearly looks bigger than most newborn horses. Emily nudges her side in response, taking her hand and leading her along the sidewalk to the park. Alison didn't mind the gesture, even if they were out in public. It's not like she knew anyone from the city that Emily lived in and even if she did, she wouldn't care. They could be free; be their selves around each other and it was perfect.

"I figured if we're here for a while then why not?" Emily finishes with a smirk. Alison playfully glares at her and wonders where they're going. She just hopes Emily doesn't drag her into a surprise run or anything like last time. It's not that she's out of shape or anything, but she just doesn't enjoy running all that much whilst her girlfriend is a gym junkie.

"Don't worry. We're almost there," Emily assured before adding in, "...Kind of." The hot sun was beating down on them and – _shockingly_ – it wasn't even summer yet.

They neared the entrance of the park, taking notice of very few families playing around on the swing sets, teenagers at the basketball court, and an elderly couple sitting on a bench. Alison looked towards the couple who took in the warm surroundings of the park together. She wanted that kind of love with Emily: the kind where their feelings lasted forever and, someday, they would be sharing a park bench on a sunny afternoon like today.

"What's on your mind?" Emily asks, gently swinging their intertwined hands back and forth as she led them through the center of the park.

"That couple over there and the family with the two kids over there," she nods her head in one direction and then the other. "I want that someday," Alison openly admits, a shy smile crossing her features. Emily smiles back; she wants the same as well, but only with the blonde that she's been through hell and back with.

"Maybe one day we can both have that." Emily clears her throat, the heat from the sun finally getting to her – or so she'd like to think. If it's with Alison, she'd take that life with open arms.

"Together?" Alison raises an eyebrow at the brunette. They've never talked about commitment in their future which wasn't a big surprise to Alison since she _was_ married but, even without that, maybe they just weren't that far into their relationship to speak of things like marriage or a family.

The two continue walking and begin making their way to the secret field that Emily stumbled upon semi-recently. They walk into the forest attached to the furthest side of the park and the dirt path begins to slope down. As they walk, Alison looks back to see the park fully out of view. They're now surrounded by thick forest trees, harboring small creatures in logs and shrubs. Every now and then, they hear fallen leaves rustle in front of them and birds chirping in the distance.

"Do you see us having kids and getting married?" The brunette eventually asks as she looks around. Alison looks away with a confused expression. She's never really thought about it, but if it's with Emily, she'd do it without a doubt – same thought as Emily.

"I don't know. Do you?" Alison counters. She's curious to know what Emily thinks about it.

"I've thought about it before," she replies nonchalantly. Alison nods her head slowly. _What does she say to that?_

"I think we would be the best parents in existence," Emily chuckles wryly. Alison looks at her confusingly; _Her_?Labeled as one of the best parents ever? – _as if._

"What?" Emily looks over and laughs when she notices Alison's puzzled expression.

Alison shakes her head, "I would _not_ be a good parent."

"I don't know, babe… You _did_ keep that plant in my apartment alive." Emily nudges her shoulder as they continue down the path, now extremely deep into the forest.

Alison sighs in response. "That wasn't even a real plant." Emily stops and lifts the blonde's chin with her free hand in order to make eye contact.

"Ali, we have plenty of time to think about these kind of things. Don't worry yourself with something that scares you. It's not healthy, beautiful." Emily assures while wrapping an arm around her girlfriend. _Maybe we could have that in the future together,_ she thinks.

"How much longer until we get there? My feet are _killing_ me," Alison groans. She had eventually slowed down her pace and more so ended up trudging behind Emily as they strolled through the end of the park before entering the forest. Emily eventually stops in her tracks and turns around to see that the blonde was a few feet behind her, exaggeratedly hanging her head and dragging her feet through the dirt of the path. Emily shakes her head and shoots Alison a look.

"Come here. I'll give you a piggy back ride." Emily holds her hand out as she walks closer to Alison. The blonde scoffs before chuckling at Emily's antics and moving closer towards her.

"I swear, you'll do just about anything, won't you?" Alison laughs as Emily gets in position for her to hop on.

"Well, when it comes to you, I can make a few exceptions," Emily replies with that big grin that Alison has come to love – and, really, who wouldn't?

"How sweet." Alison chews on her bottom lip gently before climbing onto Emily's back.

"I try to be," Emily answers. She stands up with the blonde on her back, bag in her hand, and starts moving forward down the winding path once again. Alison's legs hug tightly around the brunette's waist with her arms slung over her shoulders as they continue to make their way towards the isolated meadow.

"You are _so_ whipped," Alison chuckles, lightly shaking her head before burying her face into Emily's neck.

Emily gasps in disbelief. "I am _not_ whipped. That would be you." Alison lifts her head and playfully hits the brunette's shoulder, the playful banter turning the walk into something less exhausting.

"And how am I whipped?" Alison coos into her ear.

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Please. Enlighten me, Emily Fields."

"When I left… you thought about me all the time no matter what you did." Emily smirks as she turns her head to side-eye the girl clinging to her back, daring her to deny it.

"And you're confident in that answer?" Alison challenges.

"Should I not be?" Emily quirks an eyebrow.

"Okay, you win." Alison sighs in defeat after a few moments of silence.

After a few more moments of silence had fallen upon them, Emily decided to voice a question that had been lingering in the back of her mind all day.

"Ali, if you're here with me, then where is Elliot?" She asks cautiously; she knows how her girlfriend is towards the brief mentioning of her marriage, but she's genuinely curious.

"I don't know. Home, probably," the blonde answers in an aloof tone. Emily's curious as to the sudden change in her attitude. Usually, Alison at least knew where her husband was, despite their issues.

"He doesn't need to know where I am twenty-four seven, Em. He's not my keeper," Alison answers the growing silence. Emily hums in response; maybe things really were changing between them.

Thin branches and tiny twigs snap under Emily's feet as she brings them down another small slope in the middle of the forest. The path had split in a few different directions a while back, but Emily knew exactly how to get there. She had accidentally stumbled upon this large meadow one day when taking a long walk to clear her head. It was so beautiful that she spent hours sitting atop a small hill in the middle of the soft grass before eventually moving to sit near a small creek that ran beside the north area of the field. She had noticed a woman sitting on a large rock with a sketch pad, probably capturing the creek's beauty. After a while, the woman left and Emily stayed until she ran out of the small supply of snacks that she had originally packed for the park.

"You know, I could nap right now. I'm pretty comfy," Alison breaks Emily out of her thoughts by snuggling into her neck further and clinging to her tighter.

Emily smiles again. "Don't you dare fall asleep," she warns.

"Goodnight."

"Alison, I will drop you on your butt right here if you try to sleep instead of enjoying this."

Alison's head shoots up again as she clings to Emily impossibly tighter, "No, no, no. Please don't," she panics.

Emily silently congratulates herself for winning yet another battle before Alison speaks up again.

"Are we almost there yet?" Alison groans.

"There's actually something we have to cross to get there..." Emily chews on the inside of her cheek. She knows that Alison won't be very ecstatic when she sees what's ahead of them.

"Em, please tell me I do not have to scale a wall," Alison breathes out, already tired from their long walk – or her long ride – and just the thought of doing something a little more strenuous makes her feel exhausted. _It's Sunday, damn it._

The other girl rolls her neck before speaking again, "Well..." She trails off. Alison sighs; _of course_ there's more work but, all in all, she doesn't mind because she has Emily and if she gets to ride on Emily's back until they reach their destination, she won't complain – _much_. She didn't expect the walk to take so long, really. Her feet are killing her and she gives a silent "thank you" because her and Emily share the same shoe size; she doesn't think she would've made it this far by wearing her slippers. The chirping of the birds and the light breeze that picks up every so often – it made the day ten times better.

All of a sudden, Emily stops, causing Alison to almost topple to the ground. The brunette sets her girlfriend down and rushes forward. Alison gives Emily a confused – and slightly concerned – look before following to see what she found.

"Look!" She enthusiastically says, picking up a small object from the ground. Alison peers over her shoulder, almost bursting into a fit of laughter.

"Em, it's just a stupid rock," Alison laughs. Emily had picked up a rock the size of her palm, shaped like an asymmetrical heart. Upon hearing her words, Emily looks towards Alison with a reaction of disapproval; a silent reminder that "stupid rocks" sometimes hold great value. Alison looks away, pretending she didn't see the look that Emily had just given her. The brunette puts her bag down and stores the small rock inside, smiling wide and proud at what she found. Once the rock is secure, Emily starts walking again, causing Alison to follow quickly. They continue on their walk a few minutes longer until Emily stops and points to a break in the tree line.

"There it is," Emily informs. Alison can tell she's mesmerized by the sight and thinks that Emily's been here quite a few times before. The brunette takes Alison's wrist and jogs forward with as much excitement as a kid in a candy store. Alison admires that about her; Emily's the most positive and passionate person she knows, and sometimes she envies that.

"Okay," Emily stops and stands in front of Alison. "Please don't be mad, but there's a chance that you're going to have to cross over a dam in order to get there," Emily says as she hugs Alison tightly as the blonde's face drops in disbelief.

"You have got to be kidding me." She throws her head back as Emily speed-walks towards the edge of the once-flowing – now empty – narrow river.

XXX

After nearly falling and breaking her neck a numerous amount of times, Alison finally makes it to the other side of the log with a little assistance from Emily. She plants both feet on firm ground and looks back at what she had just crossed before turning back to the brunette with another expression of disbelief.

"What?" Emily slightly swings her huge bag while flashing Alison an innocent smile.

Alison huffs and hardens her expression. "I'm not doing that again," she declares.

"Then how are we going to get back?" Emily chuckles.

Alison playfully crosses her arms and tilts her head to the side in response, however stays silent.

Emily hums before turning around towards the direction of their destination.

"That's what I thought," she challenges before advancing down the path yet again. Soon enough, she looks back when she doesn't hear footsteps behind her. "We're almost there. Come on," she finishes impatiently and turns back around to walk, hearing an elongated groan before the crunching of leaves.

After a few more minutes of walking hand in hand – after Alison had exaggeratedly grabbed Emily's hand and pouted while doing so – the two reach their destination: a widespread, green, nearly-flat meadow surrounded by thick forest and the single stream on one side.

Alison stops and stares at the place that Emily had been wanting to show her. _Beautiful is an understatement,_ she thinks. She takes in the view and the sounds; the chirping of the birds that fly overhead sing a soft melody, perfecting the scenery. The blonde steps onto the green grass and slowly does a complete turn, afraid that she was dreaming and sudden movement would make it all go away. Here she is with Emily, in this beautiful place that only a handful of people must know about and, even if they all showed up at once, the meadow was big enough that they wouldn't be seen either way.

They could smell the fresh air mixed with the scent of leafy trees and some pines that provided immense shade on the border of the meadow, however the middle was decorated with scattered dandelions and gentle slopes, all covered by sunshine. A tall, white-tailed deer creeps out towards the edge of the woods, chewing vigorously on a plant. Squirrels can be heard running up and down the trees while birds chirp overhead. The wind shakes the leaves just enough to make a gentle rustling noise. Any other time, she'd think that this entire scene is cliché and is only possible on green screens for movies.

"What do you think?" Emily whispers into her ear as she hugs her from behind.

"Mesmerizing," the blonde absentmindedly says as she continues to look around. Emily smiles to herself. Seeing Alison in this tranquil state, well, it was just so new – and she was loving every second of it. Emily lets herself soak in the reality of where they currently stood – figuratively and literally. How did she get to this point? How did she get to be with someone as amazing as Alison? What did she do to deserve her?

The two bask in the peaceful quietness that the wilderness has to offer. Emily never takes her hands off of the blonde's waist, and Alison continues to look around, almost wide-eyed.

"See what I mean?" Emily coos into Alison's ear. "It's perfect," she finishes with a light peck on the other girl's jaw. Alison leans back into Emily, enjoying the close proximity and comfort of her arms wrapped around her.

"You were right," she admits in a low voice. Emily slowly pulls away and takes Alison's hand in order to direct her more into the meadow. They slowly make their wake to the center of the grass, just perched atop a small hill complimented by a few clusters of dandelions.

"Sit," Emily instructs as she also takes a seat on the soft ground. Alison joins the brunette, chuckling at her for being bossy. Emily takes Alison's hand in her own, resting them in her lap as she slowly massages the blonde's fingers. Alison lays her head against Emily's shoulder, fading in and out of reality as her fingers were massaged.

"Remember the first time you ever came to my house?" Emily asks out of the blue, recalling the memory from when she was simply a shy teen who couldn't hold eye contact with the blonde without getting extremely nervous – okay, Alison's overall existence made her nervous.

"You mean the time that you didn't speak to me for like… an hour as we sat in your bedroom? Yeah, I remember," Alison chuckles at the memory.

"Hey, I take offense! I didn't know what to talk about at the time. I remember you just sat at my window seat and flipped through an old magazine that had been laying around." Emily laughed while attempting to defend her old self.

"Emily, please. You were _so_ awkward. I asked if your family had anything to drink and you laughed, shut your mouth for a minute, and then said 'We probably have some water, you know, if you're into the kind that comes out of a bottle.'" Alison rolls her eyes as she continues to poke fun at young Emily.

" _You_ made me awkward. I didn't know what to say, and believe me, I wanted to chop my tongue off after that came out of my mouth," Emily sighs because that memory has always stuck in her mind. She's come a long way from the timid girl that she used to be. _Thankfully_ , she muses to herself.

"Well, something must have changed because you got me and now," the blonde drawls, "You're stuck with me." Alison lifts her head and leans in to press a quick peck to her mermaid's cheek.

"Ugh, forever?" Emily playfully grunts and falls backwards, causing Alison to gently smack her leg.

"Ouch!" Emily winces before grinning at Alison.

"Remember that time – um, never mind," Alison gets lost in her own train of memories before stopping herself.

"No, no," Emily sits back up and wiggles her finger at the blonde, "You don't get to do that. What were you going to say?" Alison takes a deep breath before sighing.

"That – um. That time I came back to Rosewood," she pauses to make sure that Emily is paying attention. "We slept together. Remember?" She recalls, already feeling her face heat up at the memory. Emily looks at her confusingly, almost as if she's waiting for something more. _That's what Alison was holding back?_

"Yes. How could I forget?" Emily takes a breath before looking out into the field in front of them.

_After a never ending internal battle regarding if she should keep her mouth shut or speak up, Emily decides to say something. She can't handle the silence between them and, with Alison by her side, it's even harder to concentrate on anything but her – especially sleep. Although they're only inches apart, Emily feels as if there are millions of miles between them. It kills her – the way that she's just staring at the ceiling as the blonde lays in the same bed as her. She wants to say something but she can't. After all, she is a coward, and when it comes to Alison, her anxiety levels reach far beyond the standard capacity. But she has to say something. She feels this sudden urge to tell Alison everything and knows that it's now or it could be never._

" _Ali, are you asleep?" She quietly asks, trying to keep her voice from cracking as she speaks out to the – hopefully awake – girl next to her. Emily glances over to see if she moves and silently prays that she's asleep because she doesn't quite know what she would do if Alison responded. All of a sudden, she's proven wrong as the blonde beside her slowly rolls over before she's completely facing Emily. The brunette sucks in a harsh breath once Alison is staring at her; she doesn't know what to say now that Alison really is awake. Instantly, Emily realizes that they're in such a close proximity that all she has to do is lean in and she'll meet those lips that she's been telling herself she'll never feel against her own again._

_There's a silent conversation going on through their eyes, but she feels her eyes being dragged down to Alison's perfect lips that she just wants to catch between her – stop, she mentally tells herself. This girl has been through god only knows how much and she refuses to be selfish or allow herself to go back down that path._

_But maybe –_

_No! Dammit, Emily, have some self-control, will you?_

_That's when she sees the corner of Alison's mouth turn into a small smile, one that she's missed seeing so much. They continue to speak softly through eye contact, both knowing what they want, but how does one pursue that? How do you just forget about everything that's ever happened and suddenly pretend that everything's better now? How do you go from trying to bring yourself to hate someone, to wanting to press your lips all over their body as they cry out your name in waves of pleasure? Just how in the hell do you do that?_

_Emily knows._

_And so does Alison._

_The brunette slowly leans in, waiting for the harsh – and probably inevitable – rejection to come, but then she remembers Alison's words from earlier: "I always made you think… your feelings for me were totally one-sided. That wasn't true. Those kisses weren't just for practice."_

" _You were the hardest one to leave behind."_

_She sounded so genuine that it had initially caught Emily off guard._

_Emily's head swirled as she thought about the words that had left Alison's mouth. She leans further in and, damn, does it feel good to have the lips of her first love fresh against her own again, moving as if they were made for one another. Once Alison kisses her back, she shifts the covers that are on top of her in order to move without restrictions. Emily pulls away, looking for a confirmation to continue, and finds no hesitation. Taking that as a green light, Emily leans back in, removing her hand from the blonde's waist and moving it to her face, gently cupping her cheek as she kisses her with more passion than before. Emily pulls away once again, breathing heavily as the two suck in sharp breaths, the reality hitting them both at once._

" _Ali, a–are you sure you want to do th–"_

_But she's cut off by Alison silencing her with her index finger._

" _If I didn't want it, Em, I wouldn't pursue it," Alison answers in a hushed tone. Emily breathes in again, letting out a shaky breath of relief. Emily meets Alison halfway this time, Alison matching Emily's passion previous to help her feel more secure. As the brunette melts further into the other girl, she feels Alison trying to push her backwards, but Emily refuses to lay back. Ever so gently, she leans up, edging Alison backwards so her head is pressed against the pillows. It's all about Alison tonight, she mentally promises. Emily breaks the kiss and looks at the blonde with attentive eyes as she slowly climbs atop of her, keeping soft eye contact._

" _Tell me if you want to stop, okay?" Emily whispers to the girl now beneath her, making sure her message is received and, when she gets a small nod from Alison, she leans down and kisses her again. This time, she doesn't hold back._

"It was such a good night, but I honestly wasn't expecting it to go that far," Alison admits. Emily silently agrees. She originally didn't expect anything, then she thought it would stop after a heated make out session, but it turned into much more than that.

"Or for that long," Alison adds, gently biting her lip to keep herself from breaking out into a full blown grin. Emily looks towards the grass and blushes after hearing the confession. From what she remembers, they didn't go to sleep until the sun had started to rise.

Alison continues to reminisce and account for the details. "Honestly… I wasn't expecting it, but you were a star athlete so I probably should have," she laughs. "I didn't think my body could go for much longer, but I didn't want to stop." The blonde shoots Emily a pointed look with slightly wide eyes and a grin, "You sure knew how to keep up the pace." Emily blushes more as bites her own lip.

"And you still do," Alison voices an after-thought.

"No matter how hard I tried to fight off my feelings that night, I had to give in... And, to be honest, it was the best decision I've ever made," Alison says in a confident tone. Emily looks at her with a genuine sparkle in her eyes as she listens and watches the blonde talk about that special night during their high school years.

"Even though I left you?" Emily wonders aloud as regret clouds her mind.

Alison initially looks away before turning back towards the brunette to look into the eyes she's been falling in love with even more. "You came back, didn't you?"

Emily displays a sad smile. She doesn't want to ruin their day together, so she tries to forgive herself as she wraps an arm around the blonde's body and pulls her closer.

"Besides, that was the best night I'd had in forever," Alison admits with a non-regretful smirk.

"Oh _God,_ Emily!" Alison repeats the words from that night, instantly causing Emily to flush bright colors of red and pink.

"Alison!" Emily nearly shrieks as she puts her head in her free hand to hide herself.

"What's the problem, _Miss 'Is-This-Okay' every damn five minutes after I had told you the first twenty times that it was_?" Alison teases as she cocks her head to the side.

"Hey! I was being considerate, you know," Emily argues back.

"It wouldn't have been _as bad_ if you hadn't said it every time you touched me or went do–"

"–And that's enough of reminiscing." Emily unravels herself from Alison as she slaps her hands against her thighs and pretends to get up.

"No, come back!" Alison clings onto her girlfriend, holding her back before she's able to move any further.

"Gosh, you're awful clingy today," Emily rolls her eyes and teases as she sees the other girl pouting.

Alison's pout morphs into a smug look. "Deal with it, Fields," she fires back.

"Fine," Emily drags out the word while she reluctantly moves back into her previous position. Meanwhile, Alison chuckles as the words from earlier replay in her head: "You are so whipped."

Emily thinks to herself and a question forms. She finds herself opening her mouth before closing it and deciding not to ask, but ultimately changes her mind again.

"What's your favorite memory with your family?" Emily asks, internally cringing and wishing she hadn't asked as she feels the blonde beside her tense up. "I'm sorry," she immediately mutters an apology.

"No, don't be. I like that question." Alison shakes her head at Emily's apology. "It was probably when my whole family took a trip to Cape May when I was around twelve," Alison remembers as she stares at the grass a few feet in front of them.

" _Alison! Jason! Come on, it's getting late!" Their mother, Jessica, calls out as she trudges through the sand, both her and Kenneth making their way back to the beach house._

" _Mom, can we stay for a little longer, please? We won't do anything bad," Alison adds in hope of her mother giving in. Kenneth mutters something inaudible to everyone but Jessica, causing her to frown. With her two children seeming to enjoy the beach more than she expected, Jessica eventually agrees._

" _Jason, please keep an eye out for your sister, okay? I want both of you back before it gets too dark, alright?" Jessica calls out, giving her kids a smile before turning around and heading back to the house with her beach chair and towel._

" _I will," Jason calls out._

" _Thanks, Mom!" Alison yells at the same time before turning around and continuing to observe the scenery. It isn't long before Jason interrupts Alison's peacefulness._

" _Hey, Ali. Do you want to go down to the shore over there? It's got to be pretty boring just sitting and watching the water." Jason moves beside Alison and takes a seat._

" _But I like watching the sun set," Alison answers with a pout. Jason looks at her before rolling his eyes. Truth be told, she knows that he probably just wants to see some girl that he met._

" _Come on. I told mom that I would watch you. I have something to do." Jason tries to change her mind, but she doesn't budge._

" _Jason, I'm not going anywhere just so you can meet up with some girl. I'm not dumb." Alison bites back harder than she intends to._

" _Fine. Do what you want." Jason scoffs before getting up, dusting his board shorts off and walking away. She sighs. All she wanted to do was enjoy the calm breeze that blew off the crashing waves and watch the sun as it sets behind the water, but there's also a part of her that's curious to know what Jason's so set on looking for._

" _Jason, wait!" The younger DiLaurentis sibling calls, stopping her brother in his tracks. She quickly gets up and runs towards him._

" _If I go with you, will you watch the sun set with me?" Alison strikes up a deal, watching Jason contemplate silently. What could five minutes of watching the sun hurt?_

" _Fine, you got yourself a deal, kid. Let's go." He turns around and beckons for Alison to follow as he treads back towards the town._

_XXX_

_After stopping long enough for Jason to talk to some girl who he exchanges numbers with (while Alison lingered far in the background so she didn't interfere), they finally make it back to their previous spot on the beach near the water. It was a little after eight o'clock at night and the sun was gradually getting lower as the day turned to night before their eyes._

" _Thanks for coming with me." Jason awkwardly gives his gratitude to his sister, rubbing the back of his neck as he did so._

" _Well, you still owe me, so don't think you're off the hook." Alison smirks. Her brother looks over at her, shaking his head in the process._

" _What?" Alison questions as he chuckles._

" _Nothing. You just reminded me of someone." Jason waves away the glare she shoots his way._

" _Anyway... This sunset thing. I like it. It's – um – very pretty," he says awkwardly. Alison laughs at her brother's attempt to try and relish in the beauty of the night. He acts like he's never seen a sunset before._

" _It's fine, Jason. If you want, you can go back inside. I'll be fine out here." Alison casts her brother a smile. She doesn't want to feel like she's keeping him from doing whatever he'd rather be doing – not that she ever minded before, but today just felt different._

" _No, it's cool. I want to stay out here. I like looking at the sun as it sets. There's just something about it that actually interests me," he replies coolly, abandoning the previous awkward attitude. Alison looks in his direction, noticing that he's paying close attention to the sun as it continues to gradually disappear._

"And that's probably the first and last time that me and Jason really hung out." Alison chuckles at the story that she just shared with Emily. The brunette notes the differences between then and, well, before she left Rosewood. Five years ago, Jason and Alison were the closest they had ever been with each other. They had their reasons, of course; they didn't have anybody else and they needed to protect each other, but it amazes Emily that, even after all this time that has passed, they never speak like they used to.

"So what about you? What's one of your fondest memories?" Alison questions with a genuine smile on her face.

Emily stretches a bit before replying, "Well, it's nothing compared to your story. My best memory is more of a dream."

"I bet it's even better, no matter what it is," Alison counters back.

"If you insist on hearing about it, then okay," Emily accepted the offer to speak.

_It's her normal nighttime routine to lounge on the couch with whatever movie she felt like watching, especially after a tedious day at the gym. Emily made herself comfy on the couch as soon as she got in, put on some random movie and, well, that's where she's been ever since. She felt herself drift in and out of slumber until there was a sudden knock at her door. It wasn't loud but she could definitely hear it. Who would be knocking at this hour? Emily gets up off of the couch and makes her way over to her apartment's front door. She looks at her clock that hangs from the wall to check the time again; it's one-thirty in the morning. She starts to get worried that maybe it's some crazed killer on the loose. Damn it, she thinks, I really need to stop watching horror movies before bed. She places her hand on the door knob before readjusting her clothing so she didn't look like she had just rolled out of bed. She waits a moment before opening the door and a gasp escapes her lips at the person standing in front of her. Are her eyes playing tricks on her? Is this real? She takes a step back, lightly gripping the table that stands by her door as the figure standing in the hallway smiles, tipping his hat._

" _Emmy," he calls in that voice she's been dying to hear again for years._

" _Dad," she breathes out, "It's really you." Emily feels her eyes well up with tears before she hastily wipes them away. Her father stretches his arms out in her direction, inviting her to give him a hug – something that they've both missed. Emily runs to him with arms wide as she gives him the biggest bear hug she's ever given. Her tears start to stream down her face as she realizes who's holding her._

" _Dad, I've missed you so much," Emily somehow gets out between her soft cries. Wayne pulls away to look at his daughter up close, concentrating on the details and how his little girl has finally grown up to become the beautiful, charming, young woman he's always known she would become._

" _I've missed you too, baby," He says as he cradles the back of her head. A few tears of his own stroll down his face as he pulls back and kisses her on the forehead._

" _I can't believe you're really here," she chokes out, letting him inside before shutting the door behind him._

" _I wanted to see how my little girl has been doing." He glances around her apartment in awe. Emily bashfully bows her head, the whole meeting unbelievable._

" _It's all thanks to you." Her voice cracks as she tries to maintain her composure. Wayne sits down on her couch, looking the place over. He's proud of his daughter and how successful she's gotten over the years._

" _You're a Fields, Emmy. A Fields earns everything they deserve, and I see that all of your hard work has been paying off." Wayne looks back towards his daughter who's trying to keep calm but she just can't. Her dad, who she hasn't seen in years, is in her living room, sitting on the couch._

" _You're in your dress uniform. Isn't that for special occasions?" A smile graces her features as she admires her dad's appearance. He's still as handsome as ever._

" _What's not special about this?" He smiles proudly at the younger Fields. Her smile grows wider at the remark. He's always answered questions with a question of his own._

" _What is special about this? We're in my living room," she chuckles. Her dad stands up and makes his way towards her, grabbing her hands and bringing her back into the open area in front of her couch._

" _I'm visiting my baby girl. What's more special than that?" He replies. Wayne places his left hand on Emily's waist as the other grips her hand, mimicking that of a slow dance. Emily's heart aches at the statement. She's missed him so much._

" _So, I want to know what's going on with you, sweetie. How's life been treating you?" He hums a song and starts swaying the both of them back and forth. Unfortunate, horrible, unfair… she wanted to call out but she had to admit, things had been looking up for her recently._

" _Good, actually. I thought life would be harder, and it is at times… but when you have certain people in your life, it makes all the bad go away and, eventually, all you're left with is the good," Emily smiles through her tears that continue to come loose from her eyes. Wayne hums in agreement as he takes a step back. Emily follows and he spins her around, humming what sounded like "Fly Me To The Moon" by Frank Sinatra._

" _That's good to hear, Emmy. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop telling everybody how proud I am of you. My baby is all grown up." Wayne feels a tear slip down his cheek as he pulls Emily in close and sways them some more. He goes back to humming the same tune as he was before, basking in the company of his daughter that he's missed dearly._

" _Dad, I'm really glad you came to visit," Emily mumbles into his shoulder. It's hard for her to come to terms with the fact that her father is here in the same room as her; someone she hasn't seen except for in her dreams and memories. How is she supposed to react to this?_

" _Me too, baby, me too," he whispers and presses a kiss to her cheek before embracing her again. They stay in that position for a while, slowly dancing to the song he continued to hum, no words needed to be spoken. It all seems so real, and maybe it is._

_Maybe it's real and she's just been asleep this entire time and only dreamt that her father passed away._

_But then she woke up._

"I had fallen asleep on my couch as soon as I got home from work and that's what I dreamt," Emily murmurs as she looks off into the distance while a breeze fills the meadow. When she had woken up from the dream, she realized that she had been crying and, when she remembered every detail of it, she wept for the rest of the night until she eventually fell back to sleep. Alison could tell that the dream meant a great amount to Emily; she's had dreams of her mother, but they were never like that. In fact, they were mostly nightmares.

"Do you think it was really him?" Alison carefully asks. Emily lets out a sad smile and looks down at her fingers.

"I'd like to think it was. The way we spoke… it felt like he was in the room with me. Like it was real. And, God, that night, he was the handsomest that I had ever seen him. His uniform was pressed and there wasn't a single hair out of place." Emily pursed her lips. Ever since that dream, she hasn't dreamt of him anymore, but it doesn't upset her because, now, she thinks that she's finally come to terms with his passing.

"I've had a similar dream about my mom. We sat at a table inside The Brew and talked until I woke up. My other dreams involving her, well, they're not at all comforting, to say the least." Alison swallows thickly as she thinks back to the many nightmares where she's back in that horrifying grave with her mother standing over her, tossing dirt onto her body until she can no longer see nor breathe.

"I'm sorry," Emily says sincerely as she pulls the blonde closer into her side. Alison lets out a shaky breath. She didn't intend to get emotional today, really.

"I really think it was him too, you know," Alison almost whispers and Emily swallows heavy before smiling.

After a few minutes of silence, an idea pops into Alison's head. "You know… I don't really know all that much about you," Alison announces as Emily looks at her confusingly; she thought Alison knew her the best.

"So," the blonde sits up straight and shifts her body so she's facing Emily, "You can ask me anything and I'll answer truthfully, _but_ you have to answer a question after I answer mine." Alison smiles at the quick game she's come up with. Emily nods her head as she thinks up a question or two.

"Okay," Emily agrees, "And what about after you answer them truthfully?"

"What about it?"

"Like a prize, kind of," she suddenly remembers some candy that she had packed for their adventure. "Okay. You answer one-hundred percent truthfully and you get a piece of candy."

"Really, Em? We aren't training dogs." Alison stifles a laugh as she shakes her head.

"Do you want some or not, Alison Lauren DiLaur– sorry." Emily ducks her head as she mumbles an apology. "So do you want some or not?" She recovers from the slip up. The blonde's mouth turns up into a tiny smirk as she leans over and presses her lips to Emily's. It doesn't last long, but it's short and sweet.

"So, that's why you packed such a big bag?" Alison smirks as she still lingers close to Emily. The brunette shares a tight lipped smile before she leans over and presses another quick kiss to the blonde's cheek.

"Duh. What else did you expect?" Emily answers, earning a chuckle from the other girl.

"Alright, ask me a question." Alison sits directly in front of the brunette. She watches how Emily tries to come up with a good question: her eyebrows are furrowed, a hard sense of concentrationfor a starter question.

"What's your favorite color?"

Alison rolls her eyes at such a basic question. All of that hard thinking for _that_ baby question?

"So typical," she remarks. "Anyway. It depends on my mood, really. Sometimes it's yellow, sometimes it's pink." Emily tosses her a piece of candy, smiling as she waits for her question.

"How many girls have you _been_ with?" Alison cocks an eyebrow. Emily's mouth drops in response. She wasn't expecting it to turn _this_ way so fast.

"Um, I – uh–" Emily fumbles over her words as Alison stares at her. "Um, do you really want to know?" She questions with a nervous laugh. Alison says nothing but raises her eyebrow even higher. There's no way she's getting out of this one. Emily lets out a shaky chuckle and Alison's gaze doesn't waver as she waits for an answer. _Is she seriously going to make me answer that?_

"Well… if you want the truth," Emily drags out, trying to put off the inevitable. Alison watches her closely as she starts to count out loud in a hushed tone.

"One, two," she looks up at Alison and they make eye contact before she looks back down and continues, "Three, four, five, six, seven... Seven." She finishes with an uneasy look as Alison's eyes widen.

"Care to elaborate?" Alison throws out, the sudden pang of jealousy taking over.

"Alison," Emily closes her eyes as she says the blonde's name. She opens them again to see Alison expecting an explanation.

_Damn it._

"I swear, it's not how you think it is. It became a large number when I went off to college." Emily sighs. She expected this as soon as she answered the question.

"So, you were the player type?" Alison guesses with a remaining hint of jealousy.

"No. I wasn't the player type. I just needed something to take my mind off of you." Emily shakes her head.

"So you had sex with random girls?" Alison's voice raises an octave higher.

"They weren't necessarily 'random girls.'" Emily closes her mouth before continuing, "Why so many questions? I get like… five turns now."

The blonde lightly laughs at Emily's request before sighing. "I just don't like knowing that you've been with many other people besides me."

"Hey, look at me," the brunette grabs Alison's chin in order to look her in the eyes. "Let's forget about everyone else and just live in the now. Today is a good day. Let's not let the past ruin it." She offers a smile before leaning in halfway, asking for a kiss. Alison pecks her on the lips before sitting back again.

"Besides," Emily says, "I would ask you the same thing but, honestly, I just…" she trails off, picking at a piece of candy.

"You just what?" Alison gently pries.

"I don't like thinking of you being with other people in that way, or _at all_ , for that matter." Emily shrugs.

Alison hums, "Isn't that a bit hypocritical considering your score in college?" Emily throws the piece of candy at the blonde.

"Hmm, let's talk about hypocritical," she challenges Alison who quickly cuts her off.

"Alright, alright. Ask another damn question."

"Okay, I got one. Is there something that you've ever wanted so badly, that you finally got?" Emily smiles proudly at the question.

"I finally got you. Didn't I?" Alison replies, maintaining eye contact with the brunette.

XXX

"Okay, okay, I got another," Emily laughs. "What's the weirdest compliment you've ever received?"

"Weirdest compliment? Hmm, okay. I once had a college guy tell me that I have a pretty mouth. Just… out of nowhere." Alison wrinkles her nose and Emily nearly snorts while laughing at her expression.

XXX

The two are walking along the outskirts of the meadow, holding hands and laughing as they talk about an abundance of things.

"You know what I was thinking about doing Saturday?" Alison says.

"What's that?" Emily questions as she looks around more.

"I was thinking about having a sleepover at my house. You know… me, you, the others," she says in hopes that Emily will agree.

"Ali… I don't know about that," Emily sighs. Of course she wants to spend time with the blonde but it's just too risky with everyone else.

"Elliot will be out of town at some convention. He'll be in Chicago from Friday to Monday." Alison attempts to persuade Emily into coming. When Emily doesn't answer right away, she continues, "I know it's kind of childish to call it a sleepover but, come on, I miss it."

"I'm just… I don't know. It doesn't seem like a good idea," Emily explains as she looks down at her feet. She hates to turn down the offer but she doesn't trust herself to be with Alison around the other girls. Alison shows a look of disappointment as she hears the brunette's words.

"Well," the blonde carries on, "The offer's there. I just thought that, since I already talked to Spencer and Aria about it, you'd like to come." She offers a small smile, not allowing Emily's answer to put a damper on her mood. Emily looks at Alison as if she's having an internal debate.

"You said he'll be away from Friday to Monday, right?" Emily checks again to make sure that she'd heard correctly. Alison nods her head.

"And you haven't talked to Hanna about it yet?" She questions. Alison shakes her head.

"Okay," she answers after a few seconds. Alison looks at her out of the corner of her eye. _Just "okay"?_

They continue to walk in silence – a comfortable silence. Emily led them closer to the creek for the blonde to see. It flowed downhill slowly, carrying various colors of leaves from the past few seasons. Alison stands still, watching the water tread down at a steady pace, not realizing that Emily had disappeared from right behind her. Meanwhile, the brunette picks a dandelion and makes her way back to Alison.

"Make a wish, gorgeous," Emily whispers into her ear as she comes up from behind her, holding the dandelion out in front of the other girl.

Alison chuckles at the sentiment. "Okay." Closing her eyes, she takes a breath before blowing the tiny feather-like pieces off of the top of the stem. Emily watches, mesmerized. The blonde keeps her eyes shut until her breath runs out, causing her eyes to flutter open before turning around to look at the brunette standing behind her. She looks at Emily who's looking back at her like she's the world.

"What did you wish for?" Emily asks, playfully glaring at Alison. Knowing Alison, she won't tell due to the superstition of the wish never coming true. The blonde shakes her head as she giggles. She leans in, gently placing her lips to Emily's, almost like she's too shy to kiss her fully; almost as if they're teenagers again.

XXX

It was nearing nighttime when they made it out of the park and back to Emily's apartment. Throughout the rest of their time in the meadow, they talked about so many different things, played games, and then bought ice cream from a vendor when they made it back to the park.

Alison walks Emily to her door, stopping as the brunette searched for her keys.

"I really enjoyed today, Em. It meant a lot to me," Alison says as Emily finally unlocks her door.

"It did for me too," Emily smiles sincerely at the blonde. She pushes the door open, turning the light on and stepping out of the doorway in order to allow Alison to enter first. When she doesn't, Emily gives her a look of confusion.

"You're not coming in?" She tilts her head to the side at the silent blonde.

Alison shakes her head, "Today felt more like a slightly proper date. So, it's only correct if I leave you at your door with a goodnight kiss." Emily frowns in response, though her heart flutters at the thought of Alison considering it a date. Sadly, however, she was looking forward to having Alison spend the night.

"Come in and stay the night." Emily takes Alison's hands in hers. Alison shakes her head again, a smile playing across her face.

"Like I said, Em, I have to leave you at your door with a goodnight kiss," she politely refuses again with a soft chuckle. Emily rolls her neck and sighs exaggeratedly.

"Please? I'll let you choose whichever side of the bed you want." Emily swings their conjoined hands.

Alison giggles, shaking her head once again, "I always take the same exact side anyway."

Emily breathes out, "Fine. If you _have_ to go then I guess I'll sleep by myself again," she pouts. The blonde rolls her eyes before pulling Emily flush against her body. The brunette smiles before she places a hand underneath Alison's chin, lifting it up slightly and kissing her gently. Alison grins in the midst of the kiss, missing the feeling of these types of moments that they used to share so often. She feels Emily gently tugging at her bottom lip while moving her free hand to her waist. Alison moans into her mouth, making a big mistake because now she knows it'll be harder to leave Emily for the night. To her surprise, Emily pulls away first, opening her eyes and looking into the other girl's. They stand in that position: one of Emily's hands under her chin and the other on her waist, with one of Alison's hands on the brunette's neck and the other slightly tangled in her hair. They're both breathless as they stand together, eyes flickering back and forth between each other's eyes and lips.

"Goodnight, Em," Alison coos into her ear.

"Goodnight, Ali," Emily gives her a smile before prying herself away from Alison. She stands outside her door as she watches Alison walk down the hall, still wearing the clothes from this morning.

"Alison!" She yells before the blonde is too far away. Alison stops and turns around with a raised eyebrow, expecting Emily to ask her to stay again.

"I'll see you Saturday," she says, and she swears she can see Alison smiling from ear to ear before she turns around and disappears down the adjacent hallway. She waits a few seconds to make sure that Alison isn't coming back to stay the night. _One can hope, right?_

Soon enough, she turns around and enters her apartment, softly closing the door as she did so. Emily leans against the door, a sheepish expression on her face as she feels her lips with her fingertips. " _Saturday_ ," she repeats to herself as a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. Suddenly, she remembers the rock that she had picked up on the dirt path. She pulls the heart shaped rock out of the bag, admiring its beauty all over again. Her finger traces over the edges, moving over to the tiny dents that are marked on its surface. She'll remember this day forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those muffins...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun with this chapter :)

_Philophobia- Fear of love._

* * *

"Did you really need to bring that much, Han? It's only for one night." Emily groans at how long it takes Hanna to put her belongings in the back of the brunette's car.

"You never know. Something might happen and I need backup." Hanna replies as she gets in the passenger seat of the car. "And backup for the backup," she finishes with a satisfied nod.

Emily rolls her eyes. She should be used to Hanna bringing her whole closet every time they go somewhere, but it's a bit of an over-kill to bring two suitcases for a one-night stay. It was just a sleepover but, also, she guesses it's long overdue and they all needed to catch up somehow. Admittedly, she's excited yet anxious at the same time because she hasn't seen all of the girls together at once in a bit – much longer than they used to go without getting together. In addition to the slight butterflies of catching up with her best friends, Emily is also weary of the fact that her and Alison need to act strictly platonic.

"What, do you plan on having some kind of accident?" Emily snorts as she starts her car and begins to pull out onto the short highway, finally distracting herself from her thoughts.

Hanna lets out a fake laugh. "Funny. Although… you might if you don't keep yourself together tonight."

"What do you mean?" The brunette questions, carefully keeping her eyes concentrated on the road.

"Well, we are going to Ali's house to have a sleepover with two other people who don't know about you two. Things can… happen." Hanna nods her head as she wiggles her eyebrows up and down.

"You act as if we're going to be all over each other tonight." Emily sighs. She knew the risk she was taking when she said she would be at Alison's tonight, but she also agreed that she would keep herself under control, despite Rollins being far, far away.

"You two are like animals, I swear. I'm gone for like… an hour and you two are hooking up on your couch," Hanna rants. "Which, might I add, was very comfy until I, myself, had seen what transpires on it when I'm not there," she states matter-of-factly, recalling the time she walked in on the two when Emily was supposed to be sick.

"Transpires. That's a good one, Han," Emily retorts with a smirk. "I thought we had the place to ourselves. I didn't know you were coming back to bring soup," Emily attempts to defend herself.

"Either way, Em. I'm just trying to say that you guys aren't exactly out in the open yet and you shouldn't make it that way tonight. That is… unless you plan to have another World War," Hanna assures. Emily knows the blonde is right. One small, lingering glance, or touch, and there's no more secret relationship. Although, she wouldn't mind finally being out in the open – well, at least to their friends.

"I'm just looking out for you, Em," Hanna adds in a caring voice. Emily nods her head in another response. She knows Hanna is only looking out for her and the relationship.

"I know," Emily answers in a low voice as she concentrates back on the road ahead of them, which seems to feel a lot longer than usual.

"Anyway," Hanna abruptly changes the subject. "This sleepover will feel like old times, just with a more grown up vibe," she finishes in an overly-excited voice. Emily chuckles at the description.

"God, it's been forever since we've done something like this. It was like, what? Our senior year?" Emily questions with a look of disbelief. It's been that long?

"Mm, something like that. Back when we were all fawning over boys… and girls," Hanna quickly adds as she continues looking out the window. "To know that this little crush that our baby Emily had during high school would've turned into more years later. Now that's love," she adds in a squeaky voice while she pinches the brunette's cheek who, in turn, slaps her hand away.

"Get your dirty hands away from my face." Emily giggles while slapping at Hanna.

"But if it were Alison you'd be all 'Oh god, Ali, keep doing that.'" Hanna moans, earning another slap from the girl next to her.

"Ouch!" She yelps as Emily returns her slapping hand back to the steering wheel.

"Em, I was being serious before. If you want to pull this off, you're going to have to keep your hands to yourself." Hanna returns her tone back to that of being serious which, for some reason, makes Emily laugh.

"Yet it took you this long to figure it out." Emily rolls her eyes before laughing again.

"Hey, I knew beforehand that there was something going on so, thank you, Einstein." Hanna has a serious look on her face that makes Emily giggle again. She knew it would be difficult to keep her hands to herself but in some odd way, Hanna was right: this could all explode in a matter of seconds with just one wrong move.

"Look, I promise I won't get too caught up in her, but you have to promise that you won't tease her, Hanna. I mean it," Emily says sternly.

"Fine, I won't," she pouts. "...But you didn't say anything about teasing you." A devilish smirk plays across her face as Emily shakes her head. Why did I agree to this? It's Emily's turn to give her a serious look, in hopes that maybe both of them will be mature tonight.

"We haven't figured out a way to tell the others yet so please just chill out for tonight," Emily instructs. Hanna pouts again before promising that she would keep it to a bare minimum on the teasing – well, for Alison.

"This is going to be a great night. I can already feel it!" Hanna claps her hands together, shining a childish smile as she looks out the window again. To be honest, Emily is just as excited – if not more – for the night ahead, only if it goes according to plan.

XXX

They finally make it to the DiLaurentis house after what felt like ages; Emily still isn't quite sure if it was because of Hanna's lecture or if the roads somehow grew. Inside the house, all of the living room's lights are on and shining through the windows as they park in the driveway. Before Emily can completely stop the car, Hanna is already out and bouncing her way up the porch steps, knocking on the front door. Emily sighs to herself – this will either turn out to be a good night or end on a bad note. Emily looks up to see Hanna beckoning her to hurry up and join her. She lets out an elongated sigh again, hoping none of them screw the entire night up. The brunette finally exits her car, grabbing her small overnight bag from the backseat and placing it over her arm before she closes the door and locks the car.

"Jeez, Em. Took you long enough," Hanna remarks as Emily walks up the porch steps, shooting the other girl a glare.

"Shut up and knock." She rolls her eyes, shaking her head with a small grin.

"I got it," A voice from inside shouts as they patiently wait for the door to be opened. The knob slowly turns before the door is swung completely open, revealing a stunning blonde.

"Hello," she greets. Her eyes go from Hanna's to Emily's, lingering just enough for Hanna to clear her throat. Alison steps aside, allowing Hanna to enter the house first. Emily continues to stand there, admiring Alison for a bit longer. In return, she notices Alison eyeing her figure up and down before gently taking her bottom lip into her mouth. What was it that Hanna said about keeping her hands to herself?

"Hi," she breathlessly whispers after a few more seconds, continuing to take in Emily's appearance before snaking her eyes back up to meet brown.

"Hi," Emily whispers in return, matching Alison's grin. All she wants to do is lean in for a kiss and tell her how beautiful she looks tonight. Her mind finally starts to process Alison's outfit which consists of a black sweater accompanied by a pair of white, distressed jeans and no shoes. Emily's eyes wander up and down her body. Perfect.

"Enjoying the view?" The blonde purrs before stepping aside and allowing the brunette to enter. Emily snickers before stepping in through the doorway and into the house. The fresh scent of baked cookies hits her and she feels content. Emily begins to follow the smell but feels a small hand grab her forearm. She turns around to see Alison motioning her towards the staircase.

"We have to go in there with the others." Emily smirks as she watches Alison's eyes flicker back and forth between her eyes and lips. Self-control is definitely out the window right now.

"I didn't get to properly greet you," she coos in a low voice. The blonde peers over Emily's shoulder into the living room to make sure nobody is there before she leans in to place a kiss on the brunette's lips. But, before she can even blink, Spencer is asking her a question as she walks into the living room.

"Ali, you don't have any– oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?" Spencer changes her question as she looks over to see Emily and Alison causally standing by the staircase.

"No, not at all. I was just asking if she brought any wine," Alison lies.

Spencer looks towards the brunette who is standing with a tight-lipped smile. "Wine would actually be really good right now," she groans. Emily chuckles before nervously shrugging. Good going, Ali.

"Sorry, I didn't bring any with me," Emily apologizes. Out of all the lies in the world, that's what she came up with?

"No, no, Em. Don't apologize. I'm sure Hanna brought something. If there's anyone we can depend on for drinks, it's Hanna." Spencer chuckles as she slowly shakes her head. The other two join in on the laughter but soon it becomes awkward. This is going great so far. Not.

"Wow, I totally forgot what I originally came in to tell you, so, we'll be in the kitchen." Spencer offers both girls a small smile before turning around and walking back towards the kitchen.

"Now," Alison drawls, "Where were we?" The blonde smiles before closing the distance between her and Emily. The brunette takes the lead and snakes a hand behind Alison's head, cradling her neck as she deepens the kiss. Her thumb lightly skims over her jawline as she feels Alison tugging at her bottom lip. A small moan escapes Alison's mouth and into Emily's, who reciprocates the noise. They get lost in the kiss, considering how long they hadn't been around each other. With all the time they've spent apart this week, it's even more difficult to keep themselves under control. The blonde so dearly wants to say 'Forget the sleepover, I want you,' and drag her girlfriend up the stairs as she sheds off the clothes she's wearing, and–

"Ahem! Well, well, well. What do we have here?" A voice speaks out from behind Emily who, at some unknown point, had backed Alison into the wall. Emily pulls away to see Hanna with her arms crossed, impatiently tapping her foot. They're in for it – already.

"If I hadn't walked in when I did, both of you would be hearing shit from Spencer who, might I add, was about to check up on you two, by the way. But I, being the great friend that I am, decided that she should tend to the cookies as I go see what's taking you two so damn long," Hanna ends with a pointed look towards both of them. Emily wipes her lips nervously. What would have happened if Spencer walked in again? They would have been in hot water, that's for sure.

"And you," she looks Emily square in the eyes, "I specifically told you to keep it together tonight or we would have another World War on our hands and, judging by your carelessness, you want one!" She exaggeratedly widens her eyes, slapping her hips as well. Hanna's right, really. Too much of Alison and she'll end up looking like a homewrecker in Spencer's eyes.

"I'm so–" Wait, why is she apologizing to Hanna? "It won't happen again, okay?"

"It better not because I may not be here to save your ass again," Hanna points a finger at Emily. "Now, there are cookies that need to be eaten," she finishes another lecture as she turns around to walk back towards the other girls in the kitchen.

"She's acting like a mother," Alison suddenly notes aloud with a slightly-joking scowl.

Emily lightly laughs. "You didn't have to listen to her on the way over here."

Alison chuckles as she turns back to look at Emily. "Awe, poor baby," she mockingly grips the brunette's chin, rubbing her thumb over the area. "Maybe later you can listen to me instead." She smirks when Emily's full attention is on her.

"Now, come on. Let's go join the others." Alison pulls on Emily's wrist in order to get her to move – clearly she's too dazed to walk on her own.

XXX

"Hey, Em. Glad you could make it," Aria happily greets the taller brunette as she gives her a tight hug. Emily smiles – she misses how often they used to hangout in their teenaged years. Aria releases her, giving a soft smile before backing away and focusing on what she was doing beforehand. Spencer smiles at her as well, reaching over and giving her a hug. Seeing everyone together again made her a tad bit emotional, but she holds it in.

"I'm happy you decided to join us," Spencer says with a big grin on her face.

"We would've gotten here earlier but Em had to doll herself up for Alison." Hanna smiles before both parts of the couple give her a look of fright, which makes Hanna mentally slap herself. "Alison's house," she corrects. "You know, Emily loves getting all done up for nice houses. It's her secret fetish." She whispers the last part as Emily looks on in horror. Everyone in the room looks at the babbling blonde in a mix of confusion, surprise, and disbelief before laughing at… well, something. This is going to be a horrible night.

"Um, anyway," Aria finishes laughing and clears her throat, "The cookies are done." Spencer and Aria slide the cookies off of the pan while Alison goes into her pantry to get paper towels. They all separate to different parts of the kitchen; Emily still standing around in embarrassment. Hanna meets Emily's eyes by accident and the brunette gives the girl her best 'Are you serious?' face. The other girl widens her eyes and throws her hands out as if to say 'Yikes! My bad!'. The brunette rolls her eyes before she follows Alison to the pantry.

"Do you need any help?" She asks. Alison twists around and offers a small smile, shaking her head before turning back around to continue looking for the paper towels.

"Maybe you're just looking in all the wrong places." Emily chuckles as she reaches above Alison's head and grabs the roll off of the shelf. Alison turns around again to see a childish smirk on Emily's face, one that she wants to kiss so bad but she has to learn some self-control – at least one of them needs to learn some self-control.

"Thank you, Ms. Fields." Alison purses her lips. There's that feeling again and Emily is still standing so close – so tantalizingly close with those shorts that always kill Alison. The same shorts that show off her long, tan, toned legs. Self-control, right.

"I think someone is going to have a hard time keeping their hands to their self," Emily whispers tauntingly.

"I think," she leans up and whispers into the brunette's ear, "Someone is going to have a hard time keeping their desires and wants to their self." Her hand trickles up Emily's torso and to the side of her face. Emily's breath hitches as the touch.

"Em, Ali. Did you find some paper towels?" Spencer's voice sounds from the kitchen. Alison smirks, glad she left Emily speechless yet again. She takes the roll from the swimmer's hands and proceeds to go back into the kitchen, abandoning a frustrated Emily in the pantry.

XXX

"I come bearing drinks," Hanna's sing-song voice comes from the living room as the front door slams shut. She enters wielding both suitcases which were most likely full of assorted bottles of liquor instead of clothes.

"Wow, it's like Santa came early this year," Spencer grins as she helps Hanna set the bottles on the kitchen island.

"Oh, Absolut!" Aria excitedly hums as she picks up a bottle of the raspberry flavored vodka.

"Thank god someone brought the whole liquor store," Spencer chuckles wryly, placing her hand on Hanna who has a proud beaming smile on her face.

"I'm glad you did, Han. We don't do this often and it's good to let loose and have a little fun sometimes," the short brunette smiles. "Or a lot of fun," she finishes as she stares at the rest of the drinks.

"Well, while I mix some drinks, you two should go get the living room ready. Who knows what will happen tonight." Hanna's eyes drift off to the couple that's lost in their own conversation. Emily is trying to open something for Alison while the blonde places her hand on the brunette's shoulder, laughing that – what Hanna guesses – Emily can't open it. And to think that she thought they would actually listen to her. Tsk, tsk.

"Remember... make it strong for me, Han. I'm little but not weak." Aria chuckles before grabbing Spencer's arm and exiting the kitchen. Hanna smiles, her mind elsewhere than on the drinks. Why doesn't anyone listen to her?

Meanwhile, Alison is carefully watching Emily. She wants to make sure that tonight isn't too much for the brunette when it comes to her past. With all the alcohol that's around, it might set her back and that's the last thing Alison wants.

"Hey, do you think you'll be okay tonight?" Alison quietly whispers, as she doesn't want to bring much attention to their conversation. Emily looks at her puzzled. Why would she ask that? Unless she's referring to Hanna...

Alison looks towards Hanna who seems to be doing science projects with the various alcohols. Eventually, she looks back at Emily who now understands her concern.

"I'll be fine, Ali. I promise," Emily assures, gently taking Alison's hand in her own before releasing it.

"It's just… all these drink. I don't want you struggling," Alison worries. "I just want you comfortable." Emily gives her a reassuring and understanding smile.

"I wouldn't have come if I knew I would have a problem. I can handle it with people around. It's just when I'm alone and have a lot on my mind that I don't trust myself completely." Emily shifts on her feet as she continues to attempt to open a bottle of champagne for Alison.

"I just don't want you relapsing, Em. The possibility worries me," Alison continues. Her nerves are on edge and, even though she believes Emily, she still doesn't want to take a chance of the brunette falling back into the place that she was in a long time ago.

"Alison, please," Emily looks at her while she speaks quietly. "You have to trust me on this. I'm much stronger than I was before. I'll admit, I did struggle before I left to go visit my mom, but that's in the past now along with all of the other times." She assures Alison, who looks caught off guard by the new information.

"Em, why didn't you tell me? I would've helped you." Alison feels a pang of hurt in her chest but remembers that it's in the past, just like Emily said.

"I needed to learn to get through it by myself. I can't depend on other people forever." Emily gives her a tight-lipped smile. Alison casts her gaze to the floor – the conversation topic reminding her of everything that's happened before this point.

"Hey, look at me," Emily lifts the other girl's chin with her pointer finger. "Everything is okay now. You don't need to worry about me, okay?" Emily offers a small smile, hoping Alison will return the expression. And she does.

Across the kitchen, while she's mixing up their drinks, Hanna observes the couple. Her heart melts from seeing the love between them. She can see how fast Emily is changing Alison – the girl formerly dubbed a cold-hearted queen bee – and she sees Alison changing Emily just the same. They're perfect for each other, and no one can break that. Even Hanna has to admit it, after everything.

"I'm proud of you," Alison whispers into the brunette's ear. The brunette smiles, lightly pressing a quick kiss to the blonde's cheek who, in turn, smiles.

"I'll be in the living room with Spencer and Aria if you need me, beautiful." Emily smiles again before turning around and heading out of the kitchen towards the adjacent room. Alison looks up to find the other blonde still mixing drinks and decides she'll make some sort of snacks for the night. After all, a night of drinking on an empty stomach is never a good idea and she doesn't want to spend the next morning lugging buckets around for everybody. The blonde hostess heads over to her fridge, grabbing a package of cheese. Next, she glides over to the pantry and grabs a box of crackers, deciding to pair the two items together. How original, Alison thinks. She grabs a knife from the wooden block and heads back over to the island, standing across from Hanna. She carefully begins to slice the cheese into small pieces so they're able to fit on the crackers.

Hanna watches her as she mixes together the last drink; she takes in the other blonde's appearance, noticing that she has a bit of stress written across her body. She knew how hard Alison worked to put this party together, especially since she and Emily would be around Spencer and Aria who still weren't aware of the relationship.

"Hanna?" Alison nervously voices the other girl's name. Hanna meets Alison's eyes, humming for her to continue. Alison starts to say something before shutting her mouth abruptly. Confused, Hanna looks at her awkwardly before she begins again.

"I just want to apologize for the time I stormed over to your house when Emily left. I know it was stupid of me to just bombard you with all of the emotions that I had held inside. I never unload everything, especially something like that, on someone. It's just– I just needed someone to at least listen to me. It's difficult to not go back to my old ways when it feels like karma just keeps coming back around to bite me. Again and again." Alison finishes, setting her knife down on the cutting board. A weight felt like it was lifted off of her shoulders after the apology.

"I'm sorr–" she attempts to say before Hanna interrupts.

"Ali, you don't have to apologize. I get it. Sometimes you just need to spill your feelings when it feels like you're becoming too overwhelmed," Hanna pauses as she maneuvers around the island and sets a reassuring hand on the other blonde's shoulder. "I'm always here if you need to talk. About Emily, life, anything. I'm here for you. The same as Emily. I'll try to be neutral about everything, really. You have my support." Hanna glides her thumb back and forth along Alison's shoulder, showing that she's really there and that she cares. Alison sniffles a bit before nodding and offering the other blonde a kind smile before grabbing the plate filled with cheese and crackers. Hanna grabs the tray of drinks and follows Alison into the other room.

XXX

"Seriously, Aria? Oh my God!" Hanna exclaims as she slaps the tiny brunette hard on the shoulder, earning a grunt.

"Look at little Ms. Hemingway, getting yet another piece published. I think this deserves a little celebration." Spencer fists her glass in the air, trying to be careful, though Alison doesn't really care anyway. The others follow in the gesture, cheering to Aria's accomplishment – yet again.

"Guys, c'mon, it's just another thing for the school. Hollis asked me to write another book for the campus library there. It's not like it's for the entire world to read." Aria blushes in sheer shyness.

"Please. I bet the whole world is dying to read your books. How many is that now? Two? Three?" Hanna brushes off Aria's shyness while she counts to herself.

"Four." The others say in unison.

Hanna sits silent yet stunned by everyone replying at the same exact time before mumbling, "I was about to say four."

XXX

"Wait!" Hanna yells out of nowhere – completely nowhere. Everyone looks towards her following the sudden outburst with a snicker coming from Emily who is extremely used to it.

"May I ask what that was for?" Spencer breathes out with a confused look on her face. Hanna stands up, pulling Emily along with her.

"We should dance!" Hanna excitedly yells as she trips over the corner of the sofa, skipping to reach the stereo. Before anyone can turn down the idea – especially Emily who is seemingly going to be Hanna's dance partner – Hanna plugs her phone into the stereo.

"Get ready," she says to herself more than anyone else. There's a loud pop coming from the speakers before an elongated "Oh" plays out. Emily shakes her head as she laughs. This is going to be a long night.

"Rah rah, ah-ah-ah! Ro mah, ro-mah-mah! Ga ga, ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance." Hanna starts to sing "Bad Romance" as she attempts – for whatever reason – to dance like a robot. The blonde reaches her hand out for Emily's but the brunette folds her arms across her chest as she tries not to burst into a fit of laughter.

"Em, come on. This is our song!" She yells in one final attempt to grab Emily's arm but the swimmer simply shakes her head and holds still, stifling a laugh.

Meanwhile, the others look on, alternating between laughing and telling Emily to dance with Hanna.

XXX

"You know what would be fun?" Aria looks at each person in the room who waits for the proposal, though they don't get one.

"What would be fun?" Spencer clears her throat before sitting forward, giving Aria her full attention.

"A game of truth or dare!" She smiles wide. Everyone looks at her with an amazed expression. Usually, Hanna is the one breaking out the suggestion of truth or dare; never anyone else. Tipsiness setting in, no one rejects the idea, so they begin.

"Okay, who's first?" Alison looks around the room. Hanna raises her head up.

"Emily!" She yells, causing the brunette to look in her direction.

"Truth or dare?" Hanna wiggles her eyebrows up and down. Truth or dare? If she chooses dare and Hanna is the one asking, it could get insane pretty quick. On the other hand, truth doesn't sound as bad, but Hanna could still throw something outrageous at her.

"Truth," she answers. Hanna's smirk widens in pleasure.

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?"

XXX

"Dare," Alison states in a hard tone. As the game had progressed, it became more competitive as in who could bring out the truth and who would be brave enough to stand their ground and take a dare.

"I dare you to kiss E– your feet!" Hanna hollers the last part as the slip went unnoticed by Spencer and Aria but, judging by Emily and Alison's faces, they noticed. Alison recovers quickly and brings both feet to her lips, placing quick kisses to both at once.

"Wow, Ali. I never knew how flexible you were," Hanna shoots the proud blonde a fake smile.

"Oh, you'd be surprised how flexible I am," comes the reply.

Emily ends up spitting her drink out due to Alison's comeback.

XXX

"Okay, last one. Hanna! Truth or dare?" Aria questions in a bubbly voice. She had been the one to get a little more intoxicated than the others – and more quickly, at that.

"Truth." Hanna smiles devilishly.

"I'll ask this one, if you don't mind, Ar." Alison places her hand on Aria's thigh. Aria nods as she takes another sip of her drink which was almost empty – same as the two beside her.

"So, Hanna. Where was the craziest place that you've had sex?" Alison puckers her lips as she sits back in her seat. Hanna shoots the blonde a glare before the others become more interested in her answer.

"You know, for someone who seems to love sex, we never hear stories. It's just talk, isn't it?" Emily cocks her head to the side as Hanna contemplates answering truthfully or not.

"Actually, Emily, do you really want to know where the craziest place I've had sex was?" She challenges the brunette in a stare down.

"Go ahead, tell us." The brunette smirks wider, thinking she's finally shut the blonde up.

Hanna looks around the room, stopping at everyone who's staring at her with wide eyes. She clears her throat before speaking.

"Well, since you asked for it," Hanna pauses before inhaling deeply. "The craziest place Caleb and I have done it is in the backseat of a cab," she finishes with a smug expression.

"What?!"

"How the–?"

"Was it any good?"

"Why did I even ask?"

XXX

"So, Emily, is there anyone special in your life right now?" Aria asks after the game of truth or dare had subsided. Everyone had tried to outdo each other with a dare and it eventually got out of hand.

"Well, let's see… There's you guys, my family, and a few of my friends I went to school with. So, yeah, there are plenty of special people in my life," Emily sums up with a chuckle. Everyone in the room bursts out in a wave of giggling except for one person: Alison. She sits back, watching and waiting to see how Emily will handle this question. She's also curious, after all.

"No, really, Em. Is there?" Aria slaps her leg as she tries to get the truth from Emily. The brunette has been rather silent about her love life lately and Aria swears to herself that she will get to the bottom of it.

"Well…" She drawls. "There may be someone, but you guys will be the first to know, I promise." Emily keeps her eyes locked with Aria's as she responds to the question, not daring to make eye contact with the blonde she's so helplessly in love with.

"Oh, so there is someone. Tell us about her." Aria props her head onto one of her hands as she leans in closer to Emily who sits in a chair on the other side of the coffee table.

"Look, I don't wanna jinx anything. I don't even know where this thing we have is going to lead to. I just hope everything works out in the end because I have never been this happy with anyone else…" she continues, "And just being in their presence makes me feel things that I've never really experienced with someone else." Emily softly explains her love for Alison without using her name, never once letting her own eyes stray to those blue ones.

"Sounds like someone's in love," Aria smiles. "We'll be here for you, Em, always. You know that. I'd love to meet whoever this girl is, one day," she finishes with a sip of her wine.

"Something like that." Emily blushes deeply, as she's never really admitted those exact words to Alison, but she knows for sure that she might actually be ready to profess that love. She knows that Alison has to feel the same kind of bond between them.

"I can always count on you guys," she finishes with a smile. There's a short silence between the girls as they all sip their drinks. On one side of the room, Hanna is smiling wide and proud at Emily secretly confessing her feelings for Alison. On another side, Spencer is happy that Emily has found someone who cares for her deeply. Then, still across from Emily, Aria is happy just to be in a room with all of her friends, and for Emily who has seem to have found someone that reciprocates the same amount of love she puts into the relationship. Last but not least, there's Alison who is sitting quietly as she sips on her pink drink that Hanna had – iconically and a bit ironically – made for her before the party even really started.

"So, Spencer. Who was that hottie leaving your house the other day? It definitely wasn't Mr. Hastings." Hanna sits forward, taking her straw into her mouth and sipping her drink more.

"Please never use 'hottie' and my father's name in the same sentence ever again." Spencer groans with a look of disgust covering her face.

"Actually, come to think of it, I have noticed a black car over there quite often," Alison finally speaks just to rile the girls up.

Spencer rolls her eyes. "Not you too," she groans. "If I must answer… there may be a few more black car spotting's before you all get to meet this new..." Spencer eyes Hanna as she finishes, "...hottie." She lets go of the frustrated attitude from before and replaces it with a big, cheesing grin, earning a round of clapping from Hanna. The other girls laugh at her sudden happiness with a new guy and Hanna's reaction to Spencer using the word "hottie."

"Since everyone is finding their new love buddies, Ali, what about you? What's going on with you and Rollins?" Aria smiles as she places her hand on the blonde's thigh. Alison is silent at first, not knowing what to say, and she notices Spencer's face harden as they make eye contact. There's an awkward silence while she tries to come up with something to say. Her face twists up before returning to normal.

"It's complicated. I just don't think I'm happy with him anymore. We tried counseling but that seemed to just make it worse than it originally was," Alison finishes as she avoids everyone's gazes. The combination of talking about Elliot and the uncomfortable atmosphere that replaced the bright one from before was taking a toll on her and making her cringe.

"We're running low on drinks so I'll go make more," Alison smiles as she stands up and takes the two pitchers off of the coffee table before heading towards the kitchen. Emily debates on staying seated or following, but she decides to let the blonde have her space for once.

XXX

Alison stands at the island in her kitchen as she mixes up a tray of drinks. She decides to make them stronger than Hanna had previously, as she wants tonight to end on a good note. A few strong drinks in everyone's system and not a care in the world. As she looks across the kitchen, she sees the teapot that sits on top of the stove and her mind flashes back to a few hours prior to their get-together.  
 _"Do you want sugar or honey?" Alison questions as she holds the two ingredients in front of her. Spencer carefully chooses the small bottle of honey and begins to pour the thick substance into her mug of steaming hot tea._  
"I'm surprised you didn't want coffee," Alison chuckles.  
Spencer grins as she looks at her mug. "I had a cup an hour ago."  
Alison's eyebrows raise at the confession. "I see you're cutting down," she teases.  
Spencer makes a face at the blonde before she begins to speak again. "So... you never told me what was so urgent that I had to come over earlier than the others. Do you need help setting up or something?" She inquires over the rim of her hot tea. Alison rocks back and forth on her feet. She's nervous about how the brainy brunette is going to react when she hears what's been going on in Alison's mind.  
"It's kind of private. I didn't want the others to know about… it… until the time is right." Alison shakily smiles as the guilt of what she's about to say eats away at her.  
"Ali, if you're in trouble-"  
"I'm not in trouble, Spence. It's just… hard to tell you what I'm about to say. You might not even look at me the same way." Alison lets her eyes drift off to the cold floor. Spencer tenses up as she prepares herself for whatever the blonde is about to say. After everything, she automatically fears the worst and if Alison said it was an emergency then something has to be wrong - terribly wrong.  
"Me and Elliot… we need help. Well, I need help. With legal things." Alison carefully chooses her words as she watches Spencer's facial expression harden into that of a mother's.  
"Let me clear the air here. You're not pregnant, are you?" Spencer asks in disbelief. Alison almost laughs at the brunette's question. That's definitely not what this is about. But why would it matter, anyway?  
In the time that it takes for Alison's mind to wander for a split second, Spencer is almost in a full-blown rant. "Alison, you just got into teaching not too long ago. Are you really going -"  
"No, there's definitely no baby involved with what I need to ask you." Alison cuts her off with a chuckle to help lighten Spencer's mood - which seems to work. She watches Spencer's shoulders relax as she recovers from her initial thought.  
"Well, what's wrong then?" Spencer finally asks. It's Alison's turn to tense up at the pressure of her words. It's four words, Alison, come on. Just say it.  
Here it goes.  
"I need a divorce." As soon as the words leave her mouth, she's spiraling down a pipe full of twists and turns just by seeing the look on Spencer's face.  
"Where is this coming from?" Spencer asks, voice laced with exasperation. "What do you mean you need a divorce, Alison? I thought you and Elliot were doing good ever since you finished counseling." Spencer places her hands on both sides of her head as she starts to pace back and forth in the middle of the kitchen. Meanwhile, Alison stands still as she watches one of her best friends fear for her.  
"I've always been quite the actor, haven't I?" She doesn't mean to smile, but a smirk plays out across her lips. Spencer just looks at her horrified.  
"Ali, you do realize that I can't help you with this, right? I mean… I haven't even graduated law school yet. I can- I can refer you to someone but- I can't… why is this even happening? What's your reasoning?" Spencer abruptly stops her pacing and faces Alison who stands in the same spot as she had previously. The blonde takes a deep breath as Spencer sits down at the island and presses her head deep into her folded arms.  
"I just don't love him anymore," she quietly whispers as a few tears roll down her face. Spencer looks up with her mouth agape as she takes in the other girl's appearance. She looks visibly done; done with her marriage, done with the way she's living, done with her life, done with everything.  
"I can refer you to my father. He specializes in family issues now." As Spencer shakes her head as she stands up, Alison watches her every move and tries to decipher what she's feeling. She knew that the brunette had become accustomed to Elliot; she's even hung out with him quite often, really. They hit it off almost immediately when Alison had introduced them to each other. Spencer had that sisterly vibe going about her; the one that shouted, "Hurt her and you'll have me to deal with." Elliot respected the bond between her and Spencer. After all, she was basically all Alison had before Emily eventually came back. Emily. What is Emily going to think of her decision?  
"That'll work," she says quietly. "Thank you, Spence. You don't know how much I appreciate this." Alison moves from her spot to embrace the brunette who is still in shock.  
"Yeah… of course," she answers monotonously. Alison pulls away, resting her hands on Spencer's shoulders as she looks at her once again.  
"Do you know how long it will take to be finalized?" Alison takes a deep breath to hold back any remaining tears. It shouldn't be that long, should it?  
"It can range from three to four months, depending on your lawyer. But, also, I've heard of times where it's taken a year or so. It depends on a lot, really," Spencer replies as she makes a few calculations.  
"What?! I can't wait that long, Spencer. That's a long ass time." Alison is the one that begins to pace now.  
"If you decide to use my dad, he might be able to speed the process up. As much as he can, at least. But like I said… that's only a chance, Alison. Even the best lawyer couldn't knock it down halfway. There's a certain amount of days you have to wait before the judge signs the decree for a termination of the marriage. Then there are variables like shared belongings and the estate which shouldn't be exactly tough since it was your family's house. You have to talk to him. I can help as much as I can, but you need an actual lawyer." Spencer sounds as if all emotion has left her voice - as if she isn't capable of feeling any sort of remorse or pity.  
"I'll give Mr. Hastings a call tomorrow." Alison purses her lips.  
In that short amount of time, she came clean. That was only, what? Seven hours ago? Shorter? She looks at the clock to see that it's now around twelve-thirty in the morning. Overall, Alison is glad that Spencer had suggested using her father, but she hated the thought that Spencer might have a problem with the divorce since she had befriended Elliot as well; she hated the thought that Spencer might feel as though she's making her take sides. It isn't like that. Alison shakes her head as she finishes up mixing the last drink.  
"Hey," Aria murmurs as she steps into the room. Alison hadn't noticed that Aria had been standing in the doorway for a few seconds prior to speaking. She had been silently observing the blonde as she was absorbed in her own thoughts.

"Hi," Alison responds in a meek voice. Aria stands at the opposite side of the island and looks at Alison.

"Ali, I know that we hardly ever have the time to talk anymore… and if we do, it's rare, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you no matter what," she says quietly and sincerely. "I always have been and I always will be. Whether it's three in the morning and you can't sleep or when you're stressing during your lunch break. Just know that I'm here." Aria finishes with a soft smile as she reaches across the island and grasps the blonde's hand delicately, showing her support. Alison feels her eyes well up with tears at her smaller friend's sincerity. Aria has always been the most caring friend out of their group and it kills Alison to know that she has to keep this big secret about Emily from her, the one who has always found romance in the most unlikely places. In some way, she thinks that Aria could help sort out her problems and feelings dealing with her marriage and Emily, but that would mean that she has to tell her what's been going on. That's a heavy thought. Telling Aria would mean that one more person would know about her and Emily. That's one less person to hide from and, who knows, maybe Aria would even find the romance in this mess of a situation.

"Thank you." She reaches her other hand over the counter top and holds Aria's hand between her own. The writer smiles at her before she turns to walk back towards the others.

"Actually, Aria… are you free tomorrow?" Alison steadily asks before the other girl is out of earshot.

"Unless we end up with a hungover party, then yes, I'm free." She chuckles.

"Good, um, how about we go out for lunch tomorrow? Just you and me." Alison slowly suggests, deciding that tomorrow would be the day that she tells Aria about her relationship with Emily.

"Yeah, that sounds great." Aria nods her head and smiles again before sliding back over to Alison in order to help bring the tray of drinks back to the other girls.

XXX

After the last few drinks that Alison had made were finally gone, everyone had passed out - aside for Emily and Alison. Nobody was completely wasted, however they were a bit further than tipsy. By the time that everyone else had curled into little balls in their claimed spots and fell asleep, both Emily and Alison had lost their state of tipsiness and were now in a much softer type of buzzed.

Emily gazes into Alison's eyes, sharing an unspoken conversation, showing that they were both drowsy and close enough to falling asleep, but they just couldn't because neither of them wanted to fall into slumber before the other. Alison relaxes further into the sofa beside Aria who had decided to use Alison's lap to prop up her legs. She sighs in content as she finally gets more comfortable. The small brunette's legs shift in Alison's lap, her arm slumping to the floor as she lets out a grunt before snoring loudly. A low chuckle erupts from Emily as Alison attempts to shush the sleeping brunette once more.

"So, it really is like old times, huh?" Emily whispers in a voice that's barely audible.

"Yeah, but with a lot more alcohol," Alison remarks, causing both of them to laugh, disturbing the silence. They sit still, admiring each other in the darkness of the room with a small amount of help from the moonlight casting through the thin curtains. After a few more moments of silence, Alison carefully removes Aria's legs from her lap and makes her way over to the awake brunette who sits across the room.

"What are you doing?" Emily asks quieter than before, nearly mouthing the sentence without her voice. Alison extends her hand out to the trainer who stares at it with a curious expression.

"Come," she mutters before Emily stands up, takes her hand, and follows her towards the stairs. As they carefully make their way up the staircase, the two try to be as silent as possible, however the creaking noises coming from under their feet say differently. After reaching the landing, they slowly make it to the hallway where they're able to walk normally. Soon, they stop at a door; one that exists across the hall from the blonde's old room. Alison gives Emily a reassuring smile before she twists the doorknob and opens the door. The brunette seems hesitant at first; she wants to go back downstairs and sleep amongst the others, but she's also been craving some alone time with Alison and it's been hard with the others around. Alison waves her inside as she stands in the room alone, waiting for the other girl. Emily shifts on her feet before she finally gives in and enters. As much as she despises Rollins, she hates it even more to be in _his_ room with Alison; it's just awkward. The door behind her slowly shuts as Alison tries to make little to no noise. Emily stands quietly, not moving since she initially entered. The thought of touching anything that Rollins has ever put his hands on - or even touched _Alison_ on - made her stomach churn. _What an ironic thought to have._ She could almost laugh at herself.

A pair of dainty hands reach around Emily's waist from behind, hugging her body, followed by Alison resting her chin on the brunette's shoulder. They slowly sway back and forth; the thought of Rollins ever being in this room gradually leaving her mind as she gets more and more lost in her girlfriend's touch. But it's not enough.

"Ali, we probably should get back to the others and go to sleep," Emily whispers, but her sentence is cut short as she feels Alison slowly placing kisses down her neck.

"But I thought we would be more comfortable in my bed," she says in a tone that sounds more like a statement than a suggestion. There's an almost audible silence coming from Emily as she's deeply absorbed in her thoughts. As much as she adores Alison, she just doesn't see herself being able to lay down with her in _their_ bed.

Soon enough, she lets out an elongated sigh before turning around to face her girlfriend. "Ali, I'm sorry… but I really don't want to sleep in _this_ bed." Alison reaches down and gently grabs both of Emily's hands in response, giving her a sympathetic smile while she plays with her lover's fingers.

"I understand how weird this may feel for you, Em. I won't make you stay in here," Alison says with a sad smile before continuing, "But every time I've slept in this bed, I've only dreamed of it being with you." She leans over and places a kiss to Emily's cheek. In Alison's mind, she's almost free and she'll be able to share more than just a bed with Emily.

The brunette is still hesitant about everything as she looks around. Within a few seconds, she forces herself to think more optimistically. Truthfully, she's missed sleeping next to Alison, and maybe if she just focuses on actually sleeping rather than what she's going to be sleeping on, then perhaps it won't bother her as much. Alison watches the thoughts run through Emily's head, as if she can see her figuring out what she wants to do.

Alison carefully leans in, closely watching Emily as she got closer. The trainer just stands there, like she's glued to the floor; she's torn between meeting Alison halfway or marching back downstairs to sleep. She was always the type to play by the rules but, maybe this time, she'll break them. After all, this is Alison, and the things she could make her do were ungodly. She shuts her eyes as she catches Alison's lips in a short kiss before slightly pulling back. They gently press their foreheads together, sharing each other's breath before leaning back in for another kiss. Emily slips one of her hands around Alison's back whilst the other grips onto her hip. The blonde moans into her mouth, sending vibrations all throughout both of their bodies - in all the _right_ places. Before getting lost in Emily any more than she already is, Alison pulls away.

"What do you want right now?" Alison breathlessly questions the other girl. Emily catches her lips in another kiss before she slides both of her hands down and under Alison's backside, swiftly picking her up and backing them towards the bed, never once breaking the kiss. She feels Alison smile at her answer and, now, she's not worried about whose bed she's about to lay in; all that matters is that she's there with Alison - and, in the end, that's all that counts. Emily turns her back to the bed as she sits on the edge with Alison straddling her lap, both hands around Emily's neck as they became tangled in her long, dark hair. The blonde grinds her hips down into Emily's, a motion that makes the brunette's mind go wild and venture into heated places far too quickly. Alison pulls away slowly with Emily's lip caught in between her teeth. She smiles when she hears her lover let out a soft moan. Alison's main objective is to make her girlfriend feel things that she hasn't felt before so, after releasing Emily's lip from between her teeth, the blonde gets off of Emily and stands up, lifting the dazed girl's chin with her finger as they make eye contact.

"Take that off. You're making me _hot,_ " Alison commands with seduction laced in her words, making Emily's skin crawl with pleasure. Immediately, she's ripping the denim jacket off of her body and tossing it onto the floor as she obeys Alison's request.

"Good," she murmurs before placing her hand on Emily's chest and gently pushing her down onto the blankets as she climbs atop. Emily licks her lips as Alison slowly grinds her hips against her center, placing just enough pressure to drive her crazier than she already is. As Emily gets lost in the slight rhythm, Alison finds the hem of Emily's black tank top and tantalizingly plays with the bare skin beneath it. A low growl rests in the back of Emily's throat, almost as if she's stalking her prey; almost as if she's about to give Alison more than she's bargained for. As they kiss, Alison continues to shift her hips up and down Emily's midsection, tracing her fingernails lightly down the brunette's taut stomach as she feels the swimmer's muscles clench and flex beneath her touch. Out of all of Emily's _many_ physical attributes, her toned body had to be one of Alison's top favorites. Her strength is definitely a plus in the bedroom because, admittedly, Emily picking her up and doing what she wants is the hottest thing that she's ever seen _and_ experienced. The brunette impatiently shifts her legs that are trapped between Alison's thighs, accompanied by a grunt that escapes her lips; she wants more than just dry humping and intense kisses.

"Someone's impatient," Alison pulls away from Emily's lips and whispers in her ear. The warmth coming off of her words and pouring into her ears makes both of their desire increase by millions. Emily brings one of her hands to the back of Alison's head, just above her neck, pulling her back in for another kiss. However, this kiss is different than the others that they've shared in the past fifteen minutes. This kiss is more heartfelt; more meaningful and desirous rather than the simple pecks and light lip biting they've been sharing. Emily maneuvers her hand over to the blonde's jaw, caressing and smoothing over the area as she slips her tongue past Alison's lips. Their tongues dance together gently before Emily lightly bites on the blonde's tongue who, in turn, moans into her mouth; a moan that Emily swears can make her combust. A sudden wave of dominance takes over Emily as she flips an unexpecting Alison onto her back and climbs on top of her, instantly pressing open-mouthed kisses all over her jawline and earning moans of pleasure from the blonde's mouth. Honestly, Alison didn't understand how much she has actually missed Emily's overall affection until now. Currently, she could fall apart from just one look which she hopes doesn't _actually_ happen because, _God_ , wouldn't that be embarrassing.

Emily takes her time planting small, passionate kisses down the side of Alison's neck, and tastes the blonde's sweltering skin for the first time in what felt like ages. Alison feels Emily slowly work on her neck, fully knowing what she's doing and what she's trying to achieve but she can't stop it and, soon enough, there will be a deep red bruise resting upon her pale skin. Emily snakes a hand down to the crotch of Alison's jeans, rubbing the fabric in circles as she applies more and more pressure to the sensitive spot beneath the denim. The blonde finds herself slightly thrusting her hips into the motion, wanting to feel more of Emily's touch as she attempts to create more friction. Soft moans escape her lips as the motion between her legs increase while Emily continues to suck on her neck. Alison feels herself building up slowly, increasing the arousal forming between her legs as she impatiently tries to create friction that Emily seems to be purposely keeping away. Only Emily could do this to her; only Emily could make her come undone with the simplest gestures and movements in such a short amount of time. While Alison continues tilting her hips upwards, Emily applies more pressure than ever before while taking her lower lip and dragging it up the side of Alison's neck, making the blonde let out a strangled moan.

"Fuck," she mutters under her breath in a half moan-half grunt, after Emily had gently blown cool air over her tender neck. Emily, feeling pleased with the work that she had done, lifts her head up to look into her girlfriend's eyes. She could never come to understand how it was possible for Alison to do the things that she does, manage everything on a timed schedule, somehow make time to fit her and their three friends in for a sleepover, and still come off looking as flawless as ever.

" _God_ , how are you so beautiful?" Emily breathlessly whispers as she admires the blonde's beauty. The girl that lays beneath her looks like a complete goddess; the goddess of beauty, the goddess of charm, the goddess of love. She was Emily's Aphrodite. Alison blushes at the comment as Emily hovers above her, flashing that big, cheesy grin that always made the blonde fall head over heels.

"Would it… be okay if I took this off?" Emily nervously asks. She doesn't know where the sudden shyness came from or _why_ it came in the first place, really. Alison takes the nervous girl's hand in her own as she smiles up at her.

"I'd love it if you did," she responds as she offers the brunette a supporting smile. Emily lowers herself down the blonde's body until her face is parallel to the other girl's torso. She looks up and catches Alison's gaze as she, in turn, intently watches the brunette, silently encouraging her to continue with what she intends to do. Emily's slightly trembling fingers reach for the hem of Alison's sweater and she slowly lifts the material until it rests just below her bra. The cool air trapped inside of the room hits Alison's newly-bare stomach, forming barely visible goosebumps along her skin. Emily's eyes roam the untouched area before looking back up towards Alison's blue eyes. Alison hates to admit it, but she _does_ feel self conscious now that the brunette has pulled her shirt up. Inside, she feels like Emily might be looking at her differently, or she might be ashamed to even touch her. Ever since the last time they had slept together - which was close to two months ago - she feels like her body has changed. When Emily left, she felt like she was at her lowest and, a time or two, she basked in the presence of a tub of ice cream. Other times, she felt as though she didn't get out enough. Suddenly, Alison feels everything coming down on her as Emily's glance bounces back and forth between her torso and her eyes. Emily takes notice to Alison's hesitation and the increasing rapidness of her breathing.

"Are you okay?" She worriedly asks. Alison swallows deeply before nodding her head quickly - _too quickly_.

"Ali, if you want me to stop -"

"-No, I don't want you to stop. It's just- it's been awhile since we've been like this and… things have… changed," she nervously responds, her voice dropping to a whisper towards the end. Emily finally realizes what Alison is so nervous about: her body; one that she had kissed, caressed, and touched repeatedly. Every single time that they had been intimate, she had shown Alison the importance of herself and how much she had admired it.

Through unspoken words, Emily leans down, pressing open mouthed kisses to the bare skin that Alison was feeling so uneasy about. She feels the blonde tense up as she moves further up, slowly letting her tongue dance across the skin, feeling Alison's muscles clench and tighten as the pleasure started to mask her embarrassment. Emily traces over the middle of the girl's stomach, slowly and teasingly draping her tongue over the smooth area. Reaching her navel, she circles around the area, nipping at the edges with her teeth. Low moans settle in the blonde's throat as Emily continues to worship her skin with her tongue.

"Em," Alison is cut short as her breath hitches in her throat. As Alison's breath becomes more labored, Emily decides to draw a heart with the tip of her tongue. She alternates between speeds while she draws the small shape above Alison's belly button; first she starts off slow before she speeds up to complete the heart. A simple move that, normally, could mean nothing to anyone else meant _everything_ to Alison. The way that Emily took the time to take care of her and the love that was poured into it made the gesture feel like everything Alison had ever craved. Her eyes meet dark brown as she looks down to see Emily peering up at her. The brunette's hands that were once placed on Alison's hips were now on edge of her sweater which laid on top of her chest. Alison swallows deeply as Emily silently asks for permission to finish removing the top altogether. With a little assistance, the brunette manages to get Alison free of the sweater that was concealing her hot skin. Emily lifts herself up to admire the body beneath her, the other girl's top covered by nothing but a black, lacey bra.

"You're so beautiful, Alison," Emily whispers more to herself than anyone before meeting Alison's eyes again, a slight blush coloring her cheeks below.

"Come here," Emily gently states, pulling Alison by her hands until they're sitting upright. She strokes the blonde's hands before giving her a small smile.

"If you want to stop, tell me. Okay?" Emily makes sure she's clear before continuing. She reaches her hands behind Alison's back, grabbing the clasp of the bra and unclipping it in one fluid motion. Emily carefully watches Alison as she pulls each strap down, one at a time, and finally pulling away the fabric. The cool air hits her newly-revealed skin once again, causing chills to run throughout her body. Emily looks at her, almost as if she's ready to pounce on the blonde; every time she had her in this state, Emily would get this fierce, confident look in her eyes. Carefully, Emily shifts onto her hands and knees as she backs Alison down onto the bed in her former position, then crawling on top of her and settling between her legs.

"It's been awhile since we've been like this." Alison strokes the brunette's cheek, a shy smile dancing across her features at the blonde's words. If only she hadn't broke down, they could've been like this weeks ago but, if she _didn't_ have one, would they even be in the same position as they are now? Or would Emily slowly be falling out of love with the woman that she so desperately needed? How would Alison feel if she had never returned to her like she had years ago?

"I've missed you," Emily admits, nuzzling into Alison's touch.

"I've missed you too," she smiles, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her girlfriend's lips. Emily slips her tongue into Alison's mouth, dancing around and sharing the intimacy of it all in just one single kiss. Emily pulls away, planting short, wet kisses down the middle of Alison's chest, lightly grazing her tongue across her porcelain-like skin. Alison's hands make their way to her mermaid's long, dark locks, immediately diving into them as a trail of kisses leads to one of her breasts. Immediately, Emily hears a sharp intake of air from above her as she circles around Alison's nipple with the tip of her tongue. Signs of pure pleasure overtake the blonde's features as she bites on her bottom lip due to Emily's motions. The drawn out period between the last time they had sex and now makes the whole thing feel like a completely new experience. A fuzzy feeling bubbles low in her stomach; one that cries out for more, but she's in heaven right now with Emily working on her chest. Truthfully, she doesn't even think she would be able to process a simple sentence. The flicking of Emily's tongue moving across her breast was causing her libido to skyrocket and the blonde's hips were starting a slow, constant pace of thrusting into Emily's body which was pressed against her. Lightly, Emily bites on the sensitive area, teasingly pulling and sucking. Soft moans erupt from Alison's mouth, leaving Emily somewhat satisfied with her work. On instinct, she brings her hand up to Alison's other breast, rubbing the nub between her fingers and massaging it slowly.

" _Fuck,"_ Alison mumbles, arching her back further into Emily's mouth; the other girl's tongue and fingers getting the best of her. The brunette smiles against her chest, which Alison feels, however she's too distracted to be sarcastic. All at once, Emily stops what she's doing and sits up, this time backing up all the way to the foot of the bed.

"We need to get these off of you." There's an unintentional flirtatious tone laced within Emily's words, making Alison feel all sorts of things - more than before. She nods, not trusting her voice to actually answer. Emily slides her hands up to Alison's jeans, undoing her belt buckle and the button that rests beneath. The blonde tries to help her, but Emily gently pushes her hands away as she gets the zipper undone. Slowly, she pulls the jeans down her legs, instantly feeling the warmth radiating off of the blonde's skin followed by the light scent of Alison's need. Emily starts to anticipate tasting Alison for the first time in months and, honestly, she can tell that Alison is anticipating it as well. The cool air hits her already damp panties, eliciting a gasp which comes out far louder than it should have. Emily runs a finger down the center of Alison's core, feeling the wetness against her fingertip. Automatically bucking her hips up in Emily's direction, Alison feels her heart thumping faster than before. After hearing Alison's most previous sound, Emily decides to play a tantalizing game to see how long Alison can last before she's nearly begging to be touched. She keeps a solid face as she catches the blonde's blue eyes, watching Emily as she starts to rub up and down the length of her panties, increasing the pace as she continued on.

"Emily, _god_ ," she moans out as her eyes flutter shut. Emily smirks, continuing the motion until Alison's legs start to shake, indicating that she needs more - _quickly_. The blonde starts to tremble, flexing her hips to meet Emily's touch as she teased her.

"I need- I need you," she breathlessly moans over and over again. Emily continues her ministrations as she crawls back up Alison's body.

"Say it," she whispers in a husky voice.

" _Fuck_ , Em. I can't- I need you, _now_." Frustration seeps into her tone as she struggles to find any words.

"I don't think I quite understand you, beautiful." Emily continues to play around as she watches Alison suffer under her hand.

" _Fuck. Me._ " She growls as her hands tighten around the back of Emily's head, not being able to stand the teasing much longer.

"Look at me," Emily demands as she lifts Alison's chin with her pointer finger. "You're going to have to be _very_ quiet for me, okay?"

Alison nods her head quickly as she feels Emily lower herself down her lover's body once again. She hooks her fingers around the top of Alison's panties and, in one yank, she pulls them down all the way to her feet, tossing them to the side with every other piece of discarded clothing. Alison's breath hitches as she tries to prepare herself for what's about to happen. Emily licks her lips; she finally understood why Alison wasn't able to put up with any more teasing. She looks back up towards Alison who has her hands resting on her stomach. _Such an odd position_ , she thinks. Taking both of Alison's hands, she sets them on the back of her own head, making sure the other girl knows she has some control over things. _Some_.

"Keep them there and stay quiet," she commands, turning the blonde on even more - if that was even possible. Alison takes a deep breath again and strokes Emily's scalp while Emily props Alison's thighs onto her shoulders, holding them steady as she moves closer towards her center. The look in her eyes mimics that of an animal stalking their prey, getting closer and closer, moving in for the kill. And, just like that, she pounces.

Alison lets out a loud moan as Emily's tongue explores her sweet center, feeling Alison's wetness coat her tongue. Although trying to take her - _torturous_ \- time, Emily swears she could devour her right then and there. Alison shivers in pleasure, the nervousness from beforehand dissipated as the feeling of Emily going down on her washed it all away. Bringing in a finger to replace her mouth, Emily backs away a fraction of an inch and, soon enough, her finger is moving in and out of Alison at a slow yet steady pace. Soft cries echo in the silent room, defying what she had promised Emily, but how _could_ she keep quiet with the brunette inside of her?

Emily looks back up at Alison to see that her eyes are shut, and then decides to quicken her finger's pace. In an instant, a thought pops into her mind; one that'll make Alison cry out her name over and over again. Did she tell Alison that she needs to be quiet? _Sure._ Is it unfair? _Sure_. But, anything to please her, _right_? Licking her lips, Emily leans back in, swiping her tongue up and down her folds, looking for Alison's sweet spot - one that she _knows_ will have the blonde crying out. When Alison jerks back, drawing her legs back and tightening them a bit, she knows that she's found that specific spot. As the brunette continues to alternate between the tip of her tongue and the flat surface of it, Alison reaches above her own head and grabs onto a pillow with one hand, digging her nails into the fabric as her other hand continues to tangle in her mermaid's hair. Hearing this reaction, Emily flicks her tongue back and forth over the girl's clit, gently nipping and sucking. In response, a moan so loud that it could potentially wake up a dead person comes from the girl. Reaching up, Emily presses her hand over the blonde's mouth as she doesn't stop working on her lower half. Fiercely meeting Emily's mouth with her hips, it doesn't take long before the blonde is breathing faster than before, the rise and fall of her chest quickening, and more droplets of sweat appearing on her body. Chanting out Emily's name repeatedly, she starts to tighten around the brunette's fingers. Her hands fly back into Emily's hair, gripping and getting tangled, as Alison feels herself reaching her limit. Emily draws her finger out completely while she continues using her tongue, moving it in new ways.

"Emily, _fuck_. I can't- fuck!" She loudly moans, however the sound is muffled by Emily's hand that remains covering her mouth. The brunette helps Alison overcome her orgasm, slowly teasing her as she the energy begins to leave her body in steady waves.

" _God,_ Em," she mumbles as her body slowly calms down, though it still feels fuzzy. Emily slightly massages Alison's core with her fingers as she helps the blonde recover.

"So, how was it?" Emily questions with a knowing grin.

Alison rolls her eyes. "Shut up and come here." She pulls Emily's face back up to meet hers in a passionate kiss. Instantly, their tongues meet and Alison moans into Emily's mouth as she tastes herself on the girl's tongue and lips. While they kiss, Emily's brings her hand up to Alison's jaw to stroke her cheek. Alison places her hand over Emily's, moving it to her mouth and tasting herself on Emily's fingers as well. Emily watches, mesmerized by the sight before Alison stops and grins.

"Do you think that you can be quiet for me, now?" Alison whispers as she pushes Emily onto her back and climbs ontop of her.

"Definitely," she - _almost_ \- challenges before Alison begins to remove the rest of the brunette's clothing.

XXX

Once the two had settled down - and after _many_ times of Alison trying to keep Emily quiet - they lay in bed as the early hours of the morning began to approach. Emily is still wide awake, reveling in what had just happened, while Alison is on the verge of hibernation.

"Ali, are you still awake?" Emily asks in a low voice, taking notice that the blonde hadn't said a word in nearly ten minutes. There was something that Emily wanted to say that she's been meaning to for awhile now, but she was always nervous.

"Getting there," a muffled voice answers from beside her. She has had plenty of opportunities to say it, but she always became nervous every time it clung onto the tip of her tongue.

"How long have we been dating?" Emily questions.

"For a while now. Why?" Alison raises her head at Emily's question, confused as to why she would bring _that_ up at a time like this.

"I don't know... " She drifts away from the subject. She was so positive that she wanted to tell Alison what's been nagging at her, but maybe she's just too weak to say it; maybe everything that they've been through together has just been some big, cruel joke. How can one even stay with someone for a lifetime? How is it possible to give your all to someone for so long? Is there an expiration date on their relationship? Is that why she's so scared of admitting her deepest feelings to Alison? Too scared to say-

"I love you," she finally says it. Out loud. Surprising herself, she says it and it feels like the world has been lifted off of her shoulders. Alison looks taken aback at first, surprised at the words that had just left Emily's mouth, but her expression softens as she smiles.

"I love you too." Emily feels another part of herself leave as she gives it away to the woman she's so dearly in love with, however ends up receiving a part of that same woman who seems to feel the same way. With that, they share a semi-lengthy kiss before Emily slings her arm over the blonde's body, letting her imagination roam, dreaming of their future. Soon enough, she drifts off to sleep.


End file.
